Triggers

One problem - Various themes This is my first post. I had a relapse a few months ago. Life was amazing and then boom, I got triggered by something and started spiralling about my sexuality (having finally been at peace for two years, entered a healthy new relationship and come out of the closet as an older women). How do you, when you're not triggered practice ERP? I'm able to try and accept the thoughts every time I see a man. What should I be doing when I don't encounter these triggers. I was to say as well that I also am starting to get real event OCD about some of the sexual things I did in the past when I was married and in an unhealthy toxic relationship with my ex husband. I am shamed and disgusted and I'm working on it but there's a certain subsection of the LGBTQ community that trigger these thoughts, groinals and thing for me... I feel like I'm beginning to realise I need to maybe be a little more active in my recovery instead of waiting for triggers... But I don't know how

Has anyone else struggled with compulsions around using ERP itself? It creeped in subtly, but I’ve noticed myself now starting to repeat phrases/mantras before I try to do exposures. Ironically, that itself has become a compulsion. It’s wild, how do you get a compulsion about not doing compulsions 🤯 It honestly probably got this way and doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to access therapy in over 3 yrs. So as I’ve tried to use ERP on my own without professional support, it just kind of morphed into this. Well I should be able to access services again in January. I suppose it’s not that far away anymore at this point, 4 months. Grateful for that at least.

Hi! 1 month in to ERP for drug and alcohol contamination, and I’m wondering if this is excepted with therapy/ progression. Obviously, when I am exposed to both of my triggers I get extremely overwhelmed, go mute, explore lots and lots of self hate, and then BOOM I’m hysterically sobbing and inconsolable. These episodes last what feel like forever ( very similar to a panic attack), but eventually stop and then I go back to my normal self. I feel very embarrassed, ashamed, and almost disgusted with the fact that I had the specific breakdown for like 1 hour post breakdown. Now, if I’m stressed, mentally/ emotionally exhausted, in a new or unfamiliar place, God forbid having to travel, the same thing happens. I am unsure if it’s because it’s a “disruption” from my normal, or if my mind is trying to protect me or what. Does this happen to anyone else? My best friend gets married in less than 1 month, and the wedding is in Charleston. I haven’t been there since another bachelorette trip that I took, but when we were there, I was taking Prozac and Rexulti ( psychiatrist put me on it for “paranoia” when in reality it was my OCD 🙃) well I ended up going into serotonin syndrome and stopped both meds and started back on Lexapro. Needless to say, I don’t have the best memories associated with Charleston bc I had a panic attack there, was around alcohol, loud environments, and my mind has convinced me it’s not a safe place for me. Does anyone have any advice on preparing for the trip, being away, and staying somewhere I am scared of? I need to be the beat version of myself as it is my best friend’s wedding, and I want to love her well