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Username: Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Struggling.

My coworkers just busted out a loud and open discussion of Jeffery Dahmer. Talking about how he murdered, tortured, and ate people. And how he had some sort of mental health condition. I literally cannot take it anymore. I just came in the bathroom and started to cry. Im so scared of being like him. I can’t even enjoy anything anymore. Usually work is my safe space because I’m surrounded by lots of people, but now they keep bringing this topic up as a discussion. I’ve felt relatively good all day and then this happened. Like I’m so scared i don’t even know who i am anymore. What if i have the same condition that he did? What if i end up like him? What if I’m the next him? I think I’m crying because I’m scared but what if I’m making myself fake cry because i am a bad person. I keep saying that I’m scared but what if I’m not. I keep saying i would never want to be like him but with if i do want it. I cannot escape this maze that I’m in. I finally felt okay this morning and now i don’t know what to feel. I feel like I’m in distress but am i really? Please help. Does anyone else feel like this? Why did this happen to me? I was so happy literally 8 weeks ago. How does this just happen

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Not to mention i have intrusive Images about what he did even though I’ve never seen the show. Like not just thoughts actually images.

Username: 97xemma97xemma

Date posted: 2y ago

i don't want to give you reassurence but i can tell you: you are and never will be like him. You have these thoughts and images because these are what scare you the most at the moment. You have to distance yourself from these thoughts and notice that ocd is throwing them in your head because you are scared and would never want to do anything like this. It doesn't mean you like your thoughts or that you're faking it. Ocd lies and it just seems so real because you're anxious. You can get through these thoughts I'm here for you

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@97xemma Thank you. I’ve been struggling with the particular topic for weeks and this morning i finally felt better and then come to work and they start their conversation about it. It is beyond nerve racking.

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 2y ago

I think that many people would feel grossed out by that conversation, not just people with harm ocd. Look at your values in life and remind yourself that as mentioned, all people get scary intrusive thoughts from time to time, what counts is our actions not what pops up in our mind.

Username: JB1020JB1020

Date posted: 2y ago

Sorry you're going through this. This is common with Harm OCD. I won't provide you any more reassurance - we have to learn to tolerate the anxiety. You can do it. Write down your compulsions as you go, anything that you do while panicked to make yourself feel better (including posting here for reassurance). Over time you'll get better at noticing them and then noticing compulsions will serve as a reminder to resist them and tolerate the anxiety. Don't enter the maze. "A thought is just a thought". "I can tolerate intrusive thoughts." "Everyone gets bad thoughts from time to time." Dig deep. Courage. It is in you.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@JB1020 Thanks you. I’m not in therapy because i can’t afford it. So I’ve been trying to do this on my own. I’m still trying to get familiar with everything. I made a note stating my compulsions like you said such as checking my phone, posting on here, shaking my arms and legs because i think it will make it go away. And sometimes the thought of image just goes away on its own and i feel like i haven’t even compulsed. Is that normal?

Username: ElleBeElleBe

Date posted: 2y ago

I have had similar thoughts before, you're not alone!

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thank you. It truly feels like i am alone.

Username: Spring05Spring05

Date posted: 2y ago

Hahahaha u are Definitely not alone! We all have completely weird-ass thoughts like that. "Neurotypicals" just are like weird thought-meh whatever, and we freak out: what does it mean? What does it mean?! For gods sake tell me What. Does. It. Meeeeean?! 😂

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Spring05 It’s so hard. Anything to do with the topic of brains, neuroscience, mental health, psychology completely freaks me out because i feel there is something wrong with me.

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Spring05 Thanks you. I keep looking at my values such as family, hobbies, animals. But sometimes it just feels off because I’m so caught up in the moment. Earlier i was completely out of my head while i was cooking and then boom an image came and derailed me. That’s why i question everything all the time.

Username: Spring05Spring05

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anon17 The only thing that's less typical about the way our brains work is that we get freaked out about our thoughts. That's it. We're not more likely to be evil. There isn't anything necessarily wrong with us. Just means on average we are more likely to get freaked out about something we felt then the average person. :)

Username: Anon17Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

@Spring05 Thank you

Username: Kenz247Kenz247

Date posted: 2y ago

I have had this particular theme for awhile now and I felt completely alone. I’m learning it’s actually more common than I thought.

Username: anonymousN

Date posted: 5y ago

Kind of having a hard time today . Keep getting thought about something called disassocitive identity disorder , I saw it in a tv show called bates motel awhile ago . My brain keeps telling me that I will get it . It keeps comparing to the time I kept feeling like a boy . And I’m scared that One day I will turn into a different person and all this other non sense it basically telling me I will completely lose myself and go insane or crazy . Trying not react with fear but it’s getting to me a little bit and it’s causing me serious depression while I’m at work . Keep thinking about how I problem won’t make it past 20 years old . It keeps saying that I have no hope in getting better and I will kill myself soon . I also keep getting thoughts about how I feel so alone and how I have no family or friend support I’ve told them I have ocd and sometimes they talk to me about it but most of the time they tell me that I’m being stupid or just disregard it all together . I don’t wanna put my problems on other people so I try to not take it to heart but it really makes me feel like nobody cares . And I feel like if my mental illness was to ever become even more serious than it already is nobody will help me . Not even my family . I will probably end up being neglected and die alone . I can’t take this . I’m at work and I can barley focus. I just don’t know what to do .

Username: Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Can anyone relate?

Woke up this morning immediately looking for the thoughts that I’ve been having even though i don’t want to think about them. I feel like i ended up bringing them upon myself and then i had a super gruesome thought and have been worrying about it all morning. Is it possible to bring thoughts upon yourself? Is it ocd or is it just me? I’m just so scared of going “crazy” that i keep looking for thoughts deciding if it’s me or not if you know what i mean. It’s such a scary feeling When you feel like you don’t know who you are 😭 i literally am just petrified of completely losing sense of who i am and doing something bad and being locked away forever. Is it possible to just turn bad? Does anybody know what i mean by that? Like you secretly have a double ego and completely turn into somebody different? Does anyone else experience this? Is it ocd? I’m so scared i feel like i can never catch a break.

Harm OCD

Username: Catlove9

Date posted: 2y ago

Exposure still bothering me

I had therapy on Tuesday. We did an exposure by watching an interview with Jeffrey Dahmer. He kept using the words “obsession” and “compulsion” and said his thoughts became too strong and he gave into them. He said a lot of other things but Of course I fixated on that. When I was doing the exposure in therapy, I did not feel to bad but now I cannot shake the feeling that I want to be like him and I’m secretly this monster. It is crushing me and I feel so dark and disgusted.

Harm OCD

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