Staring Too Much

So I've actually suffered with staring at peoples parts a lot before but recently its been wwwaaayyyy too much. I know me fighting it is going to make it feel like I need to do it even more but ugh its so annoying and disgusting. It really feels like I want to stare and mix it with sexual thoughts its so freaking weird and I really don't want to do these things and its to everyone and moreso people younger than me but I just hate how it feels like I want to and sometimes it happens when I don't even realize and its most likely because I'm so focused on trying not to it like slips but ugh it gets annoying. The feeling of me genuinely wanting to you is just so weird :( I work retail and we change where we are stationed and recently me being in the fitting rooms has not been great. We have to take the customers to their fitting room and it isnt doors, its curtains and sometimes they do not close it well :( so when I put the nunber card next to their curtain its like I need to check if the curtain next to it with someone changing is closed and if it is I feel relief. If not its like I want to look and I purposely look and I soon feel disgusted. Its like I'm tricking myself and tricking others. Its like I get that easy peak and I'm faking my guilt so people would feel bad :( Also people seriously need to do a better job at closing the curtains lmao. I seriously don't want to be in the fitting rooms which I actually havent been stationed there in a bit but I know I should not get away. God I wish we had doors just like the other stores. N e ways thats how my day has been. Feeling guilt over my bad habits and felt like I went back to my old life but these things happen. You will have slip ups and relapse and its ok. I cannot fault myself and my mind is probably making it bigger than its supposed to be. How have you guys been ? Anything good happent to you guys today ?

Username: OCDHaver

Date posted: 107d ago

I have this problem too, it’s caused one of my recent real events, it’s horrible, I know it’s a compulsion and it’s not sexual in any way, but it feels so gross, I used to work retail, that was rough. My heart goes out to you 💜

Username: InkJoy123

Date posted: 107d ago

@OCDHaver Yeah its created a Real Event too. It just sucks cause it genuinely feels like I want to, like I'm happy to stare or peak to see something and right after its like "wait what am I doing" kind of feeling which makes it even worse :( And then it feels like I'm lying to myself so I can feel bad for myself and play it off as OCD and uugghhh. Does yours feel like this too ? I just feel so alone because a lot of people can feel themselves not want to stare but with me its like I really want to and theres no hint of no wanting to ::((( I just want to shut myself out really. I love working at my job and I honestly have not had it this bad with staring just until recently and it sucks :(

Username: OCDHaver

Date posted: 107d ago

@InkJoy123 The way you describe is EXACTLY how my staring feels, it’s horrible, and it really does feel like OCD is an excuse. My other staring thing is to serve as checking, like to make sure I didn’t find someone attractive or that I’m normal, I just feel like shit afterwards because I feel so creepy, I try to avoid going out because of it. I’m sorry you’re somatic OCD has gotten bad, I just remind myself that I’m not gonna feel even shittier and more anxious if I do stare as opposed to not staring

Username: anonymous700

Date posted: 107d ago

People seriously do need to be doing a better job at closing their damn curtains! Lol like hello nobody needs to see you change…anyways, I am the same way! It hasn’t happened recently but when I was younger I used to stare and I would catch myself staring and then I would freak out. I did not know this was common until you posted this. And in some ways I feel less guilty. And I appreciate you for sharing…I also work at a daycare and I hate taking the kids to the potty I HATE IT. Other than that my day has been ehh. A child crapped all over themselves and I had to clean it up 🙃🙃 I hope your Friday is better than today! And I hope you find peace soon

Username: InkJoy123

Date posted: 107d ago

@anonymous700 props to you for being able to work at a daycare. even if it werent for my ocd i would nneevvverrr !!! so sorry a kid crapped on u too, you really do not deserve that 😵‍💫😵‍💫 and yeah i had it when i was younger but i didnt deal with ocd that badly before so i thought it was a normal in a sense but i knew that i would instantly stare at specific places on people. i even told myself like wow i really only stare at peoples butts huh LMMAAOOO now its like haha now im suffering 🙃 i go back to work friday but i love my job there and i wont let it affect me, its really been my safe space and im prepared this time i just know it, i wont let my day be ruined. hope tomorrow goes well for you too !! and honestly treat yourself !!!

Username: anonymous700

Date posted: 105d ago

@InkJoy123 Thank you! I really appreciate your response I’m also glad that your job is a safe space and I hope all goes well for you. And you should treat yourself as well!