Username: Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

Help

I haven’t started therapy yet waiting for insurance to go thru. I have had POCD intrusive thoughts about my kids. Well it’s targeted one of them the most. Today I had a thought of I wish she would die so I wouldn’t have these thoughts!!! My stomach is in knots and I am sick about it. Obviously I don’t wish that at all?! What is going on with me? Is she going to die because I thought that?! My mind won’t stop. I am having a lot anxiety and panic about this thought. Please help me!

Username: manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Date posted: 2y ago

you don't control the future! it's not just because you thought it was going to happen, try to calm down, it was just a bad thought!

Username: Bnsg4927Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

@manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆ Is this normal?! Like does other people have these thoughts?! Or am i alone in this thought I feel like a monster

Username: manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Date posted: 2y ago

@Bnsg4927 Heeey it's normal!!

Username: manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Date posted: 2y ago

@Bnsg4927 I've had really bad thoughts like that too!

Username: Bnsg4927Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

@manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆ This really sucks :/ I am sorry you go thru it too

Username: manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆manuh ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Date posted: 2y ago

@Bnsg4927 yes i know... but we've learned to deal with time... it's our only option😕😕

Username: Hopeful2022Hopeful2022

Date posted: 2y ago

OCD attacks the things you love the most. I hope you're okay :)

Username: Bnsg4927Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

@Hopeful2022 I am okay just uncomfortable with the thought and very anxious about it. Trying not to pay attention too it. Or make it something big. The past couple months I have been tourtures by thoughts. I finally started feeling better and then bam!

Username: Hopeful2022Hopeful2022

Date posted: 2y ago

@Bnsg4927 Just remember that you are not alone. You are not a monster. These thoughts are not a reflection of your values. The fact that you have these thoughts just proves that you are caring and that's why you fear these things! :)

Username: divyDdivyD

Date posted: 2y ago

@Hopeful2022 Thisssss!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Sorry you are going through this. I am going through the same thing with my own kid. You are not alone. Just remember that you are not your thoughts. It’s really difficult because to get over it you just have to learn to sit with the discomfort and uncertainty. You probably have a lot of mental compulsions such as ignoring the thoughts or having back and forth conversation about the thoughts. Try not to ignore them or have back and forth conversation. I hope your day gets better as I know this is really hard. But I can promise you that this is OCD and that with time you will get better! Enjoy your time with your kids. OCD doesn’t deserve the right to take that away from you.

Username: Bnsg4927Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Thank you :)

Username: divyDdivyD

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey, yes I can relate. The second I had this thought of harming myself (to stop the obsessive thoughts) and doing harm to my baby, I knew I needed help. I hope you get to see a therapist soon. In the mean time, try reading overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts. And self compassionate motherhood. Both books helped save my life. Your thoughts are not predictions of the future nor will they make something more likely to happen. They don’t make us bad people. We are not broken. Simply what happened is that a distressing thought popped up but got stuck in your mind because it was scary and threatening to someone who love. Your brain just misfired. It’s going to be okay. Your baby will not die because you of this thought.

Username: divyDdivyD

Date posted: 2y ago

@divyD It helps to tell someone you’re having such thoughts. Do you have someone you can confide in. I don’t feel comfortable to tell my husband the details of my thoughts regarding harming my baby but I told him whenever they popped up. It helps me not dwell on them. It’s like I am sharing them as if it were any other thought. I am therefore able to move on from it more easily.

Username: Bnsg4927Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

@divyD I have shared some with my fiancé. He doesn’t fully understand. He says just stop thinking about it. Stop focusing on it etc… I have this guilt and shame every time it happens and it lasts forever. I saw a therapist yesterday but she doesn’t specialize in ocd and I left feeling worse and scared she was going to call cps on me. Although I didn’t share great details of my thoughts but a little bit. I have one of those books I need to start reading it. Setting time aside for me. I have a therapist appointment on here tomorrow hoping my insurance covers it. It’s expensive without it but I really want to get better I feel like a horrible mom and am in constant panic and anxiety feeling like I have done something horrible. Thank you for listening to me and responding to me

Username: divyDdivyD

Date posted: 2y ago

@Bnsg4927 Once your fiancé learns more about OCD, he should be able to respond a bit more appropriately. My husband sometimes says “that’s ok” or “ok that’s enough, don’t get sucked in”. He listens to me but rarely says more than just a few words to help diffuse. I guess the point being to not take these thoughts seriously. I really hope you can get access to the therapist tomorrow and get the support you need! You’re not a horrible mother! You’re great. You’ve not done anything wrong and getting help is the first step! You got this! You can do it! You’re a strong person to have got this far!

Username: Bnsg4927Bnsg4927

Date posted: 2y ago

@divyD Thank you so much. So grateful for you! I am glad I am not alone

Username: Kimberley*

Date posted: 3y ago

I'm so scared right now, I don't think my intrusive thoughts are intrusive anymore. I feel completely numb and disconnected from everything and everyone. I feel like I'm insane. I don't feel reassured by anything which makes me think I want the thoughts. for example I have harm ocd thoughts about my daughter and always have since she was born, she is now 9. I've suffered terribly with mental health since she was born. and an intrusive thought I have just had is "if I killed her i wouldn't be anxious anymore" can thoughts become this distressing? this can't be normal, please someone help.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Anonymous

Hi all. I opened up to my psychiatrist today (my therapist and ocd therapist know) about the intrusive thoughts I've been having. The one thought would pop up over and over "child porn" and it made me so sick to my stomach because I can't believe I would think of such a thing. Then the thoughts were more dark like thinking of touching my son and even images of that happening..then came urges...and i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself :( after I told my psychiatrist ( who is currently treating me for bipolar 1) he was so concerned and told me I need to stay with my mom to make sure my son is safe. To not trust myself and have someone watch me. Well that made me feel a whole lot worse! The thoughts were actually subsiding this week and talking about it with him made the "child porn" thought pop up again. I just feel like I'm failing at life and as a mother. My immediate family think I should turn myself into a mental health facility and have intensive treatment. They think because I have those thoughts that I want to act on them or to let it go. I don't want to act on them and would never! Im scared of my thoughts and thats the problem. This is so frustrating.

Username: anthonyjdm

Date posted: 2y ago

Need help with POCD

Hello I’m struggling really bad with POCD. It’s the absolute worst because the intrusive thoughts are from my own child. I feel so sick like a complete monster to the point that have felt very suicidal I’ve gone to the ER they gave me some medicine but that didn’t help I’ve been looking for therapist in my area and they all seem to be fully booked or there isn’t any . I’m feeling very lost and I don’t want to give up on my family if anyone has any suggestions please let me know . I’ve looked in NOCD does any one have experience with them ? Should I go in turn myself in to inpatient. The thoughts get very Loud at night that it’s unbearable

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