vent

Say it. It will set you free-ish

Hey I’m here :)

You can talk to me!

Here it is: This event is 2 going on 3 years when i was 14, im 17 now. i was holding my baby cousin and i went to sit down so now they were sitting on my lap. i pulled them up on my lap from the crotch area, unintentionally. but then i think my head registered that had touched the crotch area then had an intrusive thought to repeat the action/tap the front of the diaper again (i definitely think the intrusive thought came because of the area), and i didn't want it to look weird (there were others) or be in an inappropriate way because i understood that it was the crotch. but in my head at the time it didn't seem so serious because they had on a diaper, i was just trying to complete the "task" the intrusive thought gave me. but i pulled them up again as a way of completing the intrusive thought, and my aunt came and picked him up and naturally my ocd assumed that it was because of the intrusive thought. and i remember thinking "i didn't mean any harm, didn't mean to be inappropriate", and i went over there to see if she would pull him away from me (because i felt bad). anyways she took him to just play, i felt bad for a little but i let the situation go because i knew i had no malice. but now i can't let it go, because my head is saying that i did have bad intentions and that i knew it was wrong. but i don't think i thought the action through, plus he had on a diaper so i think that's also why i didn't think much of it. i feel terrible about it now, and i know would never purposely do any harm. i just think at the time the full picture never occurred to me. now i just wanna move pass it and live my life, because i know im far from an evil person. and now my head is trying to convince me i sexually assaulted them, and i can't live with that at all.

You didn’t do anything bad,have you ever tried contacting a therapist?