How do I differentiate

How do I differentiate between giving into a compulsion versus doing erp? My trigger is thinking about and seeing my son’s exposed skin, particularly any marks that appear on him (eg bruise, scar, freckle, dry patch, birthmarks, pigmentation variations). I also feel compelled to look at other children’s skin (for comparison to see what’s common or normal). It all began after reading about a condition called NF1 leading me to fear that my son might have it. A symptom of this includes specific looking birthmarks all over the body. I stare and stare at him and eventually, I start to see shapes on his body that resemble the birthmarks in question. Tricky thing is I’m exposed to my triggers all day every day - changing nappies, bathtime, changing his clothes, seeing him in shorts. I feel like I’m cheating and avoiding my triggers if I don’t look at his skin (instead, I do things like dimming the lights or hyperfocusing on the nappy or article of clothing). I also can’t help but think that I should be checking each time to make sure everything is ok, and that not checking is unsafe in case he does have the condition and a mark is forming. Sometimes, when the distress is not too high, I will do my calming strategies while doing the above activities (my strategy involves me thinking out loud to identify my thoughts and feelings, affirm that I will not get entangled, ground myself by doing deep breathing, and then focus on finishing the task at hand, as well as engaging with my son to fulfil his desires/needs.. in other words distracting myself.. ). I don’t even know if the above strategy is actually erp. When I’m alone at night, I try to do erp by purposely thinking about his skin or a mark on his skin.. using the nocd app as a tool to facilitate that. My question is how do I do the erp?? In everyday settings as I’m carrying out my responsibilities and tasks as a parent, I feel I’m actually giving in to my compulsions rather than doing an exercise for my recovery. Another question is, I’m in Australia - is it possible for me to access a therapist on this app? I hope the above makes sense. Appreciate the advice!

VGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

This sounds so familiar to me. I would encourage you to reach out to NOCD, schedule a call and they will guide you as to getting a therapist skilled in OCD/ERP. I used to rationalize doing compulsions by telling myself I was doing an exposure. However I wasn’t truly doing an exposure because I wouldn’t sit with the discomfort of the uncertainty of what I saw. I would tell myself, it’s ok to look otherwise it’s avoidance but then I would ruminate (compulsion) seek reassurance (compulsion) about what I saw, which would keep the cycle going. I, too, would dim lights, try to not see etc. I think you’re on the right track in terms of engaging with your son to fulfill his desires and needs. Let this be your focus (spending time, being present with your child). As a parent, of course you want to keep your child safe, but ocd will have you checking and ruminating to the point of missing valuable, precious time with your child. The more you do compulsions, the more you will need to do. It will feel risky, it will feel uncomfortable (which is an understatement) this is the response prevention distress you need to feel to overcome ocd. I was where you are, I think it’s great you have found this app, I encourage you again to reach out to them. I lost valuable time with my daughter because I was in my head trying to keep her safe. I kept thinking I could be “sure” if I just was cautious enough, checked enough, was diligent enough. However you can never be sure, certain and you have to learn to tolerate this uncertainty. You are on the right track, seeking help from NOCD will give you the tools you need to be able to present with your child. Good luck!

divyD

Date posted: 2y

@VGH Thank you so much for your words of advice xxx

hulder

Date posted: 23w

Diaper Check

Started therapy recently and I feel like I’ve gone from being triggered every few days to every few hours. It’s like, I can’t even get out of bed for an hour before something new happens. I’m a stay at home dad with a 2 year old. This morning, I hesitated checking his diaper by patting him, just because any sort of touching in his diaper area makes me anxious or causes intrusive thoughts. But, I did it anyway, only for my brain to then go, “His diaper is always wet in the morning, why did you need to check?” I have this huge fear of accidentally doing something inappropriate or harmful, so any kind of touching, that isn’t completely necessary, feels harmful. At this point I’m just trying to survive between therapy sessions, but the risk of sitting with uncertainty with this theme, feels so strong and I feel so irresponsible by not trying to “figure it out”.

littlecreek24

Date posted: 22w

Compulsion vs ERP

I'm thinking of trying some ERP on my own while I wait for treatment, but I'm having some trouble knowing what is a compulsion and what would be good exposure. For example, I have huge fears of being a narcissist and/or a generally bad person. So whenever I watch a movie or read something that has an evil character in it I automatically compare myself to that character and stress over if I'm like that person. A couple of things I do when this happens is Google other people's experiences, seek reassurance, rumination, etc. Sometimes I'll also google different symptoms of narcissism, freak out over things that I relate to, then get relief over things I don't. So my confusion is, would researching people who have narcissism be an exposure, or a compulsion since it's something I sometimes do during a spiral? Or, would the exposure be watching movies/living life hearing these stories, and refraining from the spiral of rumination and no Googling at all?

anxietypoops

Date posted: 22w

The RP in ERP

Hi! I've been on my OCD healing journey for about half a year and I have seen a lot of success. I'm reaching out for advice, I am very willing to do exposures because I know the more I do them, the more I get better, but I struggle with the response prevention part. I don't know how to control my brain when it comes to facing the fears especially since most of my compulsions are mental. I can tell myself the typical things "I am okay with the uncertainty of this happening", etc. but its like my brain doesn't believe them. I've been stuck in this disconnect for a while and would love advice you have heard from a therapist or learned that has really help you.

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