Is it bad to satisfy ur ocd

Does anyone just have absurd thoughts, and have such a hard time accepting them? OCD is tricky and how can I just accept this is how it is . I’m so tired of fighting myself. I have such a hard time accepting these awful thoughts about killing my daughter.

Okay so In the moment I get intrusive thoughts about children which I hate. I get the gronal responses which I always so many compultions after. My ocd is very bad and I’m showering and changing my bedding around 8 times. Therapists have told me I’m the worse they’ve ever known. That’s how bad my life is atm. I hate this disorder. I want to know if ocd can cause these things as it will help me to fight my compulsions and just except it’s ocd… In the moment the gronal responses are genuinely pleasurable and I struggle to ignore them and stop them, in the moment t I want them even if it was due to a thought of a kid My OCD will tell me I’m aroused I’ll feel aroused then when moving around in my bed it’ll tell me to make my vagina touch my bedding for a feeling while I’m turning over and I purposely do it in the moment… I hate it. After I do so many compilations, it’s not even me it’s like someone else controlling my body When I try to fight my compulsions I think in my mind “I like this anyways” and actually like the thoughts and gronal responses over the children, which then makes me not be able to fight them. For example my ocf was telling me to spray my feet with anti back, but then I tried to fight it and I was thinking to myself “nah l like this one I like this feeling over the kid it’s the real me” like I didn’t even feel stressed from it it’s like I wanted it. Of corse after these I do lots and many compultions Please I just want to know if ocd can do this

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢