It feels like I’m just in denial. Like I just need to accept it. I don’t want to. I want to have a husband and a babies. I don’t want this. I’m scared. It feels so. Real.
It’s making it feel so real for me too… My friend was making another hinge account for me and she was going to put that I was bisexual. I stopped her and when she asked why, I was trying to say "because I'm straight" but what came out of my mouth was "I want people to see me as straight"... my HOCD is telling me that I'm in denial because of this and it's making me feel like I'm not anxious about it...
@Givenup I get how that would trigger you. Hope your okay. I, like you, have said things like that loads of times. I even had to ask all my close family that if I was anything other than straight would they accept me. It was almost like coming out. It was so scary
I can completely relate and the loss of attraction for guys has not helped either
@Mak46 Yup. I’m the same
I feel this. Today, it feels like my OCD is telling me that I’m actually just afraid of being straight which is not true, I quite enjoy being straight and being attracted to the opposite sex. And it’s freaking me out because the anxieties not as high as it’s been. But I keep asking myself how I can go from being very attracted to the opposite sex one day then this comes and all the sudden everything’s changed. That just doesn’t happen.
Hello! It sounds like you’re where I was for about four years of my life 🫠 I won’t provide reassurance, but I’ll say this: I chose to believe in my life with my fiancé and desire for babies with him. Deep down, I knew this was what I wanted, and I didn’t want the alternative—as much as my brain challenged me (and still does) on the topic. There are a lot of scary stories out there that it was easy to project onto my own experience—remember that those stories are *other people’s stories* and not your own. Trusting oneself can feel hard with OCD, but it sounds to me like you know what you want. And what you want is what matters 💜
@LSea2021 I’m very happy for you :)
I had a bad rumination spiral yesterday and went to bed hoping I’d start over in the morning. I was wrong. I had dreams about liking women and not being attracted to men anymore and my entire body has been in a state of anxiety since. I genuinely feel like I’m gay and just need to accept it. I have this urge to accept it. Maybe if I do I’ll get some sort of relief because this feeling is awful. I feel like my brain is telling me that I’ll get relief if I just accept it and come out. The intrusive thoughts don’t even seem to be around sexual images anymore, just to come out.
im so scared that this is just denial and that im actuall gay. idk what to do anymore i need help. its just constant anxiety in my chest and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?
No I’m not attempting or anything. I am just really in a depressive state as of now. I am so convinced that my fear is real you don’t even know. I don’t know what to do. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a reality where this is all gone. But honestly I don’t know if that would change anything. I’m scared that this is who I was all along, and I’ve just been delaying what I will eventually become. I don’t want to do ANYTHING that my intrusive thoughts say AT ALL. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’m so convinced of the thought “you’ve been doing it this whole time without realizing it.” I think it’s true now. I feel incredibly stuck. I just want to be hugged :(
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