My daughter will not leave me alone!!!!

Ughhh I hate how hard and expensive it can be to receive treatment. It is NOT right. For medical or mental, it should not be this hard

Keep it up! You're doing this for her. She knows deep down you're doing what you're supposed to do, but the urge to have another "hit" of reassurance is driving her crazy. You're a good mom

@OoOcCdD66 She’s been in and out of therapy…. She’s 18 now and just started with NOCD…… this has been going on for many years. I’m so overwhelmed and have not been compassionate. I try but I’m failing miserably.

@OoOcCdD66 Do I keep answering her questions????? I’m telling her I’m not engaging and she won’t stop.

@mamakarin Don’t respond to her questions. Advise her to follow her therapists advice which should be not to engage. Non engagement responses and leave it at that.

@mamakarin This is tricky for me because my parent can be a bit of a reassurance anchor for me. I'm not exactly sure what advice to give here. Once I got more accustomed to OCD and the rules, I had to work hard to not involve others for reassurance. I still slip up from time to time. I'm also older than her. She could just be young and still learning how to deal/cope with this disorder. I'm sorry to hear it's taking a toll on you. It's nasty cruel disorder, as most mental illnesses are. I hope as she gets older, she can start to not only handle it a little better but to not involve others for reassurance as much. I'd say for now, encourage her to take this to her therapist. Reassure her that you love her and am thankful that she feels safe enough to confide in you, but tell her to take this to therapy more often. And that you are going to help her and her recovery by reassuring her less

I agree with you and I didn't mean to make it sound like I was saying that I expect that of her. I hope my comments aren't being misconstrued. I have seen in my own loved ones how my issues can really be exhausting on them.

It's okay, please do not beat yourself up or blame yourself ♥️

@mamakarin That’s understandable! Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s upsetting to see somebody you love like that. Here’s a video about helping someone with OCD: https://youtu.be/trmPSwoTWZE. Some resources on NOCD blog: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-child-has-ocd https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-importance-of-parental-self-care

@mamakarin I think you should speak to her therapist… about this behaviour. She is trying to manipulate you but it’s because of her OCD. Next time invite her in and ask her how her day has been and what she plans on doing for the rest of the day. If she persists with the questions ask her politely to leave and remind her that she can’t keep asking you questions seeking reassurance because it won’t help her long term. You need to speak to her therapist ASAP.. I know she’s 18 but see what kind of contact you can have with the therapist.

@thrutheweather We have told her she has to leave the house. As much as it’s hard for her, my three younger children are hiding in their rooms and miserable. It’s almost as if she can’t heal here with all the triggers. She doesn’t help here at all, leaves messes, is so disrespectful to me, angry, aggressive, so much!!! I’ve arranged for her to stay with a family friend that loves her or a room in a house in town where she can walk to jobs, etc. She will hate both and has said she will never forgive me. This will be the 3rd time we have told her to leave. There is a history of verbal abuse between her and her dad, my husband…. But he has been working so hard to change…. Though he slips back into old patterns. His message is valid but he is harsh. I’m heartbroken but my other kids are suffering. She isn’t working…. Nothing in the forward motion😢

@mamakarin I’m sorry it’s come to this but I have to point out that she won’t be able to function alone if this is how she’s behaving whilst living with help. Her behaviour is because of her mental health… she won’t be able to hold down a job if it doesn’t improve significantly. She isn’t able to move forward because her brain is stuck in a loop. If she can get a diagnosis she might be able to apply for disability. She’s going to need professional help and support… I worry that simply moving her to a family friend just means it’ll all continue and putting her in a house share makes her vulnerable. She may need more intensive treatment like an inpatient facility.. but you’ve mentioned that that’s financially off the table. You and your husband should seek out therapy for yourselves (individually) when that becomes possible too - You need to contact her therapist for advice, her doctor or an OCD charity/organisation in your region for advice and assistance.

@thrutheweather I’m to the point again where it’s really ultimately on her to get help and move forward. We have been here trying and she greets me each day with aggression. I know it’s debilitating for her but what about my other children.

@Anonymous She has been on medication many times and wouldn’t take it, anything I bring up that might help she refuses and screams at me. Yesterday she spent 7 hours going over and over a thought pattern related to her boyfriend. They broke up a year ago.

@mamakarin I think it’s worth having a proper sit down talk. You, her dad and her privately somewhere. Discuss the issues that are happening since she’s came back home and how you feel it’s actually made her worse - Look at different housing options together and tell her she has to start accepting that she has OCD. It’s not fair but that’s that. She can’t sustain herself carrying on the way she is and you all care about her and want her to get better. She has to start pushing herself to be more receptive in therapy and needs to start taking any medications advised as these will make things easier for her. Tell her she has the support of you all but you refuse to feed into the OCD. If she does move away she’s going to need help so will need to still be in therapy and I’d advise that she live with somebody she knows and you all trust —— it’s important that you and your husband understand that your daughter isn’t the problem here. Her OCD is… It’s easy to start resenting her but none of this is anybody’s fault. You guys have to keep supporting her if she does move away because you asking her to leave when she’s most vulnerable will create a whole lot more issues for her mentally. Not that it’s your fault but you need to understand that if you go through with it. You need to contact a professional for advice on how to go forward. Again her therapist can advise, her doctor, local authority or an OCD charity. Please speak to a professional before you take this to your daughter again.

@mamakarin Best of luck! 🫂🤍