- Username
- mamakarin
- Date posted
- 2y ago
My daughter will not leave me alone!!!!
I need help!!!!!!! My daughter continues to come to me at all hours of the talking about her obsessions. It is destroying our familyš¢. Please help!
I need help!!!!!!! My daughter continues to come to me at all hours of the talking about her obsessions. It is destroying our familyš¢. Please help!
I would love to do sessions but I canāt really afford her therapyš¢
Ughhh I hate how hard and expensive it can be to receive treatment. It is NOT right. For medical or mental, it should not be this hard
Thank you! She is screaming outside my door about me not answering a seemingly innocent question but itās linked to an obsession š¢
Keep it up! You're doing this for her. She knows deep down you're doing what you're supposed to do, but the urge to have another "hit" of reassurance is driving her crazy. You're a good mom
Is she in therapy? While I understand it may be hard at times, I hope you meet her with compassion. Do you also struggle with ocd?
@OoOcCdD66 Sheās been in and out of therapyā¦. Sheās 18 now and just started with NOCDā¦ā¦ this has been going on for many years. Iām so overwhelmed and have not been compassionate. I try but Iām failing miserably.
@OoOcCdD66 Do I keep answering her questions????? Iām telling her Iām not engaging and she wonāt stop.
@mamakarin Donāt respond to her questions. Advise her to follow her therapists advice which should be not to engage. Non engagement responses and leave it at that.
@mamakarin This is tricky for me because my parent can be a bit of a reassurance anchor for me. I'm not exactly sure what advice to give here. Once I got more accustomed to OCD and the rules, I had to work hard to not involve others for reassurance. I still slip up from time to time. I'm also older than her. She could just be young and still learning how to deal/cope with this disorder. I'm sorry to hear it's taking a toll on you. It's nasty cruel disorder, as most mental illnesses are. I hope as she gets older, she can start to not only handle it a little better but to not involve others for reassurance as much. I'd say for now, encourage her to take this to her therapist. Reassure her that you love her and am thankful that she feels safe enough to confide in you, but tell her to take this to therapy more often. And that you are going to help her and her recovery by reassuring her less
Itās not reasonable to expect caregivers to have compassion ALL the time. They get tired and upset tooā¦ itās exhausting dealing with someone elseās mental health especially when theyāre less receptive to treatment. We all have times where we flip out whatās important is apologising for these moments and working together to work out how to stop it happening again. Your feelings are perfectly valid and so are your daughters.. Iām sorry this is happening to you all. Try as hard as you can to remain calm. Donāt engage as sheās seeking reassurance, I noticed that youāve posted before about her seeking reassurance and how angry she can get etc. NOCD do sessions with parents/caregivers on how to help loved ones with OCD - it might be worth setting up one for yourself and a few other family members. You yourself need breaks tooā¦ do you have anybody who can help watch her whilst you take breaks? So you can go out/away by yourself. Sheās in therapy now and thatās the first stepā¦ sheāll slowly start making progress. This does need to stop as it sounds like one of her compulsions.. my advice is to set up a session with NOCD so a therapist can advice you on whatās best to do about this. I hope things get better for you all but please remember to take care of yourself too and to take breaks even if you go out for short walks.
I agree with you and I didn't mean to make it sound like I was saying that I expect that of her. I hope my comments aren't being misconstrued. I have seen in my own loved ones how my issues can really be exhausting on them.
I mess up and answer some questions because Iām exhausted and just want her to be okayā¦.. I can go a while without engaging but I slip up and itās awful
It's okay, please do not beat yourself up or blame yourself ā„ļø
@mamakarin Thatās understandable! Donāt beat yourself up over it. Itās upsetting to see somebody you love like that. Hereās a video about helping someone with OCD: https://youtu.be/trmPSwoTWZE. Some resources on NOCD blog: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-child-has-ocd https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-importance-of-parental-self-care
She says Iām shutting her out and her therapist said I canāt do this to her
@mamakarin I think you should speak to her therapistā¦ about this behaviour. She is trying to manipulate you but itās because of her OCD. Next time invite her in and ask her how her day has been and what she plans on doing for the rest of the day. If she persists with the questions ask her politely to leave and remind her that she canāt keep asking you questions seeking reassurance because it wonāt help her long term. You need to speak to her therapist ASAP.. I know sheās 18 but see what kind of contact you can have with the therapist.
@thrutheweather We have told her she has to leave the house. As much as itās hard for her, my three younger children are hiding in their rooms and miserable. Itās almost as if she canāt heal here with all the triggers. She doesnāt help here at all, leaves messes, is so disrespectful to me, angry, aggressive, so much!!! Iāve arranged for her to stay with a family friend that loves her or a room in a house in town where she can walk to jobs, etc. She will hate both and has said she will never forgive me. This will be the 3rd time we have told her to leave. There is a history of verbal abuse between her and her dad, my husbandā¦. But he has been working so hard to changeā¦. Though he slips back into old patterns. His message is valid but he is harsh. Iām heartbroken but my other kids are suffering. She isnāt workingā¦. Nothing in the forward motionš¢
@mamakarin Iām sorry itās come to this but I have to point out that she wonāt be able to function alone if this is how sheās behaving whilst living with help. Her behaviour is because of her mental healthā¦ she wonāt be able to hold down a job if it doesnāt improve significantly. She isnāt able to move forward because her brain is stuck in a loop. If she can get a diagnosis she might be able to apply for disability. Sheās going to need professional help and supportā¦ I worry that simply moving her to a family friend just means itāll all continue and putting her in a house share makes her vulnerable. She may need more intensive treatment like an inpatient facility.. but youāve mentioned that thatās financially off the table. You and your husband should seek out therapy for yourselves (individually) when that becomes possible too - You need to contact her therapist for advice, her doctor or an OCD charity/organisation in your region for advice and assistance.
@thrutheweather Iām to the point again where itās really ultimately on her to get help and move forward. We have been here trying and she greets me each day with aggression. I know itās debilitating for her but what about my other children.
Iām 19 and deal with ocd myself, I turned to my mom a lot for reassurance and I knew that she was getting annoyed. Iām now on medication and am slowly putting myself through exposures. Itās helping a lot and I havenāt asked for reassurance in a long time. My advice would be to tell her you love her and are there for her, donāt answer her questions, make sure she has the tools she needs to let out her thoughts, like journaling, therapy, medication etc. just know it will eventually get better. Just be patient and make sure she doesnāt feel like she is a nuisance.
@Anonymous She has been on medication many times and wouldnāt take it, anything I bring up that might help she refuses and screams at me. Yesterday she spent 7 hours going over and over a thought pattern related to her boyfriend. They broke up a year ago.
I do have a therapistā¦. Though her availability is not great. My husband wonāt goš. She had a job last time she left and look healthier but says she was miserable. She didnāt start texting me again with obsessions until she knew she was coming homeš¤. Iām just worried about the rest of the family too,
@mamakarin I think itās worth having a proper sit down talk. You, her dad and her privately somewhere. Discuss the issues that are happening since sheās came back home and how you feel itās actually made her worse - Look at different housing options together and tell her she has to start accepting that she has OCD. Itās not fair but thatās that. She canāt sustain herself carrying on the way she is and you all care about her and want her to get better. She has to start pushing herself to be more receptive in therapy and needs to start taking any medications advised as these will make things easier for her. Tell her she has the support of you all but you refuse to feed into the OCD. If she does move away sheās going to need help so will need to still be in therapy and Iād advise that she live with somebody she knows and you all trust āā itās important that you and your husband understand that your daughter isnāt the problem here. Her OCD isā¦ Itās easy to start resenting her but none of this is anybodyās fault. You guys have to keep supporting her if she does move away because you asking her to leave when sheās most vulnerable will create a whole lot more issues for her mentally. Not that itās your fault but you need to understand that if you go through with it. You need to contact a professional for advice on how to go forward. Again her therapist can advise, her doctor, local authority or an OCD charity. Please speak to a professional before you take this to your daughter again.
@mamakarin Best of luck! š«š¤
Iām new here and need help, not as someone who suffers from OCD, but as a mother whoās child (I believe) suffers from OCD. We have not had an official diagnosis yet as I am searching for a physician at this time. She has all of the aspects on the subject specifically, so I really wouldnāt be surprised by an OCD diagnosis at all. My question is, do any of you remember a time when the OCD became a problem for you? I meant, did something happen to trigger it or make it much worse or more evident? Iāve always known she was a āperfectionistā and very intellectually minded, so to speak, but several incidents happened last year (sheās almost 14) with some friends that didnāt end well. Since then, itās as if she canāt focus at all and gets very obsessed by things. Almost like the incidents last year exacerbated the underlying problem. I want to help her however I can until we can get into a Dr, I just donāt know how and it seems she gets mad and irritated with me when I try, which is hurting this Moms heart. Can any of you suggest what I should or shouldnāt do at this point? She literally becomes frozen with certain fears, like being stung by a bee (never been stung before). Honestly, sheās had a fear of going to the bathroom forever (10 years), but medical Drs have never been able to help and now I know why. So, all to say, Iām not in denial but just want to help her. Thanks for any input you can give.
Iām a mom of a 6 month old and my OCD has gotten so bad that my brain constantly convinces me that Iām doing something bad to her or feeling a gross way about her to the point where I donāt even want to be near her. This is breaking my heart because I love my daughter so much and had such a strong bond with her and this is killing me and making me sad/feel disgusting at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my 6y.o child has ocd. She often ruminates on subjects like me or her dad dying, and the end of the world. Late last night as she cried, she asked me, "Will I have a different family at the end of the world?" She's also dealt with depression (in winter), and she "spaces out" during times like this, which I think must be her dissociating. This all started at...I think almost 5. ā¹ļø Part of me used to feel guilt because I believed she must have inherited these mental illnesses from me. But it's not anyones fault. I'm just not sure how to talk to her about this in a way she would understand, and without offering the reassurance she seeks as a way to comfort, because, as someone with ocd myself, I know that doesn't help. I can't afford more therapy right now (I don't think she'd open up to a stranger anyway). Can anyone offer advice??
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