guys it wont get out of my head i dont even know what to believe or who to talk to im so panicked over it. I look back on old photos and ive always been tom boyish and what if that means i rlly do wanna be a boy and never realized it. Ive always lived being a girl until ocd started attacking my mind a couples days ago. Im so sad and it feels like i dont know myself anymore. What if im just in denial?
that’s exactly what i’m struggling with and have been struggling with for 2 years, but i learned that our ocd is telling us that we’re in denial. but i definitely understand how you feel it’s so consuming and really messes with your head. it feels like i’m trying so hard to figure out whether it’s ocd or not, but that’s one of the biggest struggles everyone with ocd goes through. i’m here to talk if you need to vent or anything :)
@Anonymous thank you so so much ♥️
i struggle with this too something that helped me was realizing that gender can be fluid many things are fluid with ocd but accepting that i don’t have to have a label has helped me realize that just because i was a tomboy rather than fitting into societies expectations of how girls should act and dress doesn’t mean i don’t want to be a girl because that’s how ive define being a girl also there are boys who dress feminine and there are all different types of genders besides for male and female that you could also fit in. you don’t know which is making you anxious but just breathe and understand that you don’t have to know and just because you don’t fit into societal gender expectations doesn’t mean how you dress doesn’t validate you as a female. however you feel is okay and you can get through this
@opheliajoslin tysm this rlly helped me 💜
It feels like I’m lying to myself constantly and everyone. There feels like there is a weight on my heart from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I don’t want to be gay. Idk why it doesn’t register. Now everyone I see I have to see if I’m attracted to them. I see good looking men and I feel like I’m lying to myself that they are good looking, I see women and I see if im attracted to them. I look at everyone and I feel jealous. I want my fucking life back. But now my OCD (if this is even OCD) is telling me I was never happy and I was always suppressing my feelings of being gay. Why is this happening? Can OCD do this? I can’t enjoy anything ever.
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
This is so extremely difficult, i’ve never experienced having thoughts of being a different gender. i’ve always been comfortable being a girl. i’ve always been a girly girl. this all started a couple months ago and it’s increasingly getting worse. i’ve had times where i didn’t like my body but i always thought i could just go to the gym and fix it, never did i think i wanted to be a man. ever since these thoughts started i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate looking at my body, i’m aware of my breasts all day everyday, i can’t look at pictures/ videos of myself. from the moment i wake up to the second i go to sleep i have these thoughts. i’m in a panic EVERYDAY. i don’t want to be trans but my thoughts are convincing me i do. i’ve never bat an eye when someone calls me a girl but now it’s like i’m aware of it which i hate. i hate that i’m having these thoughts & it’s convincing me that i want them & that i have to just come out and change. i want to be able to go back to being comfortable as a girl. this has left me feeling so hopeless and depressed, i can’t help but cry every day. has anyone else felt like their whole world was turned upside down?
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