Unhealthy required course

This course I am taking is undermining years of retraining my brain not to believe my OCD. I had come so far in fighting perfectionism, and accepting that many things only needed to be good enough to meet their standards rather than the standards my OCD set for them. I had learned that while assignments (whether school or work) are important, they aren’t everything. I was starting to believe the truth that one can’t give everything one’s 100%. I was starting to trend towards more balance in life despite having a ways to go. I was taking time for myself, but not getting quite so burnt out that then I hibernated and got stuck in those “little breaks”, or at least not for as long. I was celebrating that personal progress as I encouraged myself to keep trending towards healthier. Now, I may need to disappoint my in-laws and last-minute not show up to Thanksgiving because this paper is due tomorrow night, and 2 full days of work on it has me at less than 2/3 of being finished.

Username: CherryPieInTheSky

Date posted: 9d ago

First, I am so sorry that you’re going through this. And what kind of teacher assigns a paper that is due ON thanksgiving? Second, (and I know it’s way easier said than done, and of course your feelings are valid as feelings) but what if you change all the past tense words like “was” to AM. Just because this class is challenging how far you HAVE (present tense!) (not did!) come, it doesn’t mean it is changing how far you’ve one, come, yeah? This class sounds AWFUL, and unrealistic, and certainly misguided, and it sounds kind of like those folks or situations we may also come across who challenge/test us to our absolute, in such unfair ways. These “somethings gotta give” unfair situations and encounters happen, and it really sucks that it is happening for you in the form of an ongoing class, that is required. OCD is going to push and push and push us to our thresholds, while also having the nerve to shame us for how we respond to that push. And OCD aside, life is going to push us and OCD is going to shame us for valid thoughts and emotions in those unfair truly crappy situations. And it can be perfectionism here screaming at us for how we are or aren’t healing, so it’s important to remember that saying of how “healing isn’t linear”. Just bc you’re feeling set back, doesn’t mean you’ve gone backwards. 💚💜🖤🤍🤎🧡❤️🐶 Either way, whether you choose to stay home and work, or go to a meaningful gathering, and that sucks. In these situations I guess I would decide which sacrifice would have deeper implications for me.. Also, what do you think of taking a nap, and waking up refreshed to do more work tomorrow? I was in what seems like an impossible situation with work last night, and the stakes “felt too high” to set it aside to sleep but somehow in doing just that I felt much more rejuvenated in the morning instead of OCD constantly moving the goal posts and giving me the midnight runaround.. Sorry for all this bblabbin, it’s very super late here for me and I only just finished my work for the day too.. PS, You deserve thanksgiving CHERRY PIE

Username: CherryPieInTheSky

Date posted: 9d ago

@CherryPieInTheSky Oh biheezus that is long sorry

Username: ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 7d ago

@CherryPieInTheSky Yes!!! Thank you! This reminder that my progress is PRESENT TENSE is so helpful, true, and empowering! This class can sometimes be a challenge to my progress, but I am determined not to let it tank where I AM! As an update: I went to bed shortly after my post, and I brought my paper to Thanksgiving. I didn’t get to spend all of the time with my family, but I didn’t let the paper take away everything. I worked to accept my limitations in how much brain space I had left for that beast of an assignment. I submitted the paper last night knowing only that I had worked hard on it. I have to accept the major uncertainty with how this paper will be graded since this professor has graded one of my papers as 100% and another as a 65%. (If only the 65 was for the 10% of our final grade and the 100 as our 30% assignment, but such is life.) As I often say after finishing an exam, “It’s up to the puppies now.” —This is based on some truths my mom and I would discuss as I’d start to lessen my stress after an exam: 1. All doggos are “puppies”. 2. All puppies and doggos are magical. (Not like magical thinking OCD, just that doggos are amazing in so many ways that it is a gift beyond logic.). 3. After submitting an exam, there is nothing in my control as to how it will be accepted and graded by my professor. 4. The puppies of the world want me to be happy and don’t care about my grades, but if my doing well makes me happier, then they want me to get a good grade but will love me regardless. 5. Then logically, since I can do nothing more, I might as well leave it up to the uncertainty and in the paws of the magical puppies while I feel their love. 😉🤣🥰 So now I say to both of us that our assignments are up to the puppies now, and hope you know I’m wishing that both are received and graded well but that I’m proud of both of us for fighting the OCD, submitting something, and accepting the uncertainty of right now before we get our grades back. 😉💜🐶