Anxiety attack :(

I just needed a place to vent. My ocd has been up and down. The afternoons seem to be worse. This evening, I was visiting my pastor and telling her about my ocd diagnosis. Just as I was leaving, I had to change my son’s nappy. In the process, I swear I saw a mark on his tummy that looked exactly like a mark of a health condition I read about, the theme of my ocd. Oval shaped and brown. My whole body got hot and I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t focus on going through my strategies, erp, or even the advice and verses my pastor gave me. I got home and started crying, trying to fan myself down and catch my breath. Eventually as I calmed down, my husband and I agreed to check out our son’s tummy (reassurance I know, but in this moment we felt it was warranted). The mark was faint so my husband couldn’t even see it. It looked more circular too. I tried to show him multiple times and I know the compulsions were taking over but I just couldn’t resist. I kept pointing it out but he he just couldn’t see it really. He replied “if I have a hard time seeing what you saw, I can’t spot it immediately, then it’s nothing”. Yes, the reassurance helped enormously in this case but I don’t know how I feel now. That anxiety attack was horrible and I feel like I’m going mad! There’s definitely something there on his tummy but it’s faint. Maybe when I saw it earlier, the lighting made it look different. Was I being attacked by the monster that is ocd, just as I was starting to get better. Is my mind playing tricks on me. I just feel.. sick of this..

UnknownPersonel

Date posted: 22w

Dad with pocd

Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore

Anony1314

Date posted: 15w

A VERY distressed mom. Someone anyone help!

Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 15w

Is this truly an OCD episode? Just a mom trying

Just a little side note: I know this post has been made MANY times by me. However, I had a therapist respond to my post today saying that I need to reach out to my therapist on this because the context was not clear. This made me more stressed and ruminate more. It's not the therapist fault; but not I wonder if I'm really the monster. I'm a Christian mom who feels like I've ruined my life. My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow) but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side area. Which caused another groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me. PLEASE tell me if I am a monster. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD?

POCD

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Anxiety attack :(

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