- Date posted
- 2y
Anxiety attack :(
I just needed a place to vent. My ocd has been up and down. The afternoons seem to be worse. This evening, I was visiting my pastor and telling her about my ocd diagnosis. Just as I was leaving, I had to change my son’s nappy. In the process, I swear I saw a mark on his tummy that looked exactly like a mark of a health condition I read about, the theme of my ocd. Oval shaped and brown. My whole body got hot and I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t focus on going through my strategies, erp, or even the advice and verses my pastor gave me. I got home and started crying, trying to fan myself down and catch my breath. Eventually as I calmed down, my husband and I agreed to check out our son’s tummy (reassurance I know, but in this moment we felt it was warranted). The mark was faint so my husband couldn’t even see it. It looked more circular too. I tried to show him multiple times and I know the compulsions were taking over but I just couldn’t resist. I kept pointing it out but he he just couldn’t see it really. He replied “if I have a hard time seeing what you saw, I can’t spot it immediately, then it’s nothing”. Yes, the reassurance helped enormously in this case but I don’t know how I feel now. That anxiety attack was horrible and I feel like I’m going mad! There’s definitely something there on his tummy but it’s faint. Maybe when I saw it earlier, the lighting made it look different. Was I being attacked by the monster that is ocd, just as I was starting to get better. Is my mind playing tricks on me. I just feel.. sick of this..