Hey friends- I just wanted to share today just my quick reflection on my ROCD process. Though this is something I am ongoing working on and tackling, I’ve recently been able to trust the ‘feeling’ of knowing when I am experience symptomatic behaviour, thus just riding out the small panic moments despite the demand in my head to urgently pay attention. I sure as hell still have the bad days, but just wanted to remind everyone that those good days are in there when we can remember them sometimes ?

What do you mean by symptomatic behaviour? Today I had a rough day with rOCD and Im panicking over not loving my boyfriend anymore

For xmariax -erp therapy is your friend!! Read up on it, expose yourself to your bad thoughts, read books about rocd these things will change your life! They did for me and my pure-O and hocd!

Maria- no worries it seems like you have intrusive thought ocd... this can be very difficult! I read a book that helped immensely called “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts” I bought the e book online and started reading right away! I feel like this could be a really good book for u to read! It actually kinda changed my life for the better. I think what you are doing is using analyzing as a compulsion. When you have a thought that scares you if you start to analyze it or creating scenarios you are feeding into the ocd. You have 2 ocd voices in your head that keep you locked in. The first is the ocd panic voice which tells you that your thought is a red flag and needs attention the second is the false comfort these thoughts will tell you to do things like make up a scenario so you feel better, or write a list of reasons why this thought would never happen... the goal is to not interact with either. To identify the thought is just ocd and say, thanks voices but I’m just going to think the thought without judgement and without compulsion than continue doing what you were doing.. or start doing something else like laundry or take a walk. Do not push the thought away (so let the thought play in your head like your watching a movie) but don’t interact with the thoughts either. You need to let them be... I know it’s harder said then done!! Trust me, some of the thoughts that used to destroy me were awful and very hard to just “ let pass me by” but the more you practice the easier it gets!!!! It’s hard to explain, but you really just have to be very brave. If it makes you feel better you should tell your partner that you have ocd intrusive thoughts, don’t tell them the thoughts just that you are going through them they might be able to help support you. For example I had harm ocd and many times it would be terrible thoughts about my husband... I knew it was ocd because I could feel the “whoosh” feeling when the thought came up! I told my husband that I had harm ocd and sometimes the thoughts were about him, I didn’t tell him what the thoughts were because they aren’t relevant they are ocd and they don’t mean anything. But just him knowing when I was going through the hard moments was helpful as he helped support me a lot. It’s normal to have sticky days, and it can feel like ups and downs especially when u are trying erp. When u do erp you have to make a commitment to do it as much as you can or else it won’t work. Read as much as you can about ocd and erp !!! And lastly just because u don’t feel anxious does not mean all of a sudden your ocd is true. You still have a core as a person, things don’t just happen or become true because you think it. My therapist said to me sometimes when we don’t have anxiety we almost give it to ourselves because we are used to it being there!!!! You can make it through !! Baby steps!

I gave a positive comment b4 but now my ocd is really playing up..it’s just doing my head in , in terms of decisions I want to take in the future that always feel immediate to me even though they aren’t

You are definitely using erp tactics by just allowing the thoughts in as terrible as they are! What helped me is learning to watch them play out like a movie... like they were not attached to me. This sounds like you are making progress! I recently just started to really feel the benefits of erp treatment (took 6 months) and I remember when I got to the point you are at, when you could find those good days! Keep doing what you are doing!!!! It really does get easier! Easier to the point where I have days with no ocd, realize it and actually now give myself the intrusive thoughts on purpose to keep up with my erp treatment! Thoughts that used to make me panic and cry I give myself for the heck of it now, and I feel normal! Those days are awaiting you! Keep up the good work!!

deemajical, thank you! I just tried to do it with the SOS of this app after crying and panicking for over half an hour and at the beginning I truly panicked because everything felt so real and the anxiety was horrible. But right now I guess Ive got no more tears left to cry and Im still getting the thoughts but I feel a liiiiiittle bit more calm but the ugly thoughts dont leave

Maria-erp can be very very difficult in the beginning! I cried a lot when I first started it felt very intense! As awful as it sounds, the more anxious you are that means it’s working and you are on the right track! I really suggest reading up on erp and ocd. Maybe find some books online or search some therapists talking about it on YouTube! This can be very helpful to help you understand that your thoughts are only thoughts, they are not real and don’t mean anything about you. Give yourself time, and know that erp is hard! But it’s better to feel the short term pain of erp then the long term pain of ocd. Try to expose yourself to your ocd daily, and make sure to tell your ocd that you don’t fear it, it’s okay for those thoughts to be there (say that outloud even) it’s hard to believe in the beginning but if you stick to it there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!! It gets easier with time!!! I was struggling very bad with intrusive thought ocd and am 85% better after 6/7 months of erp !! You can do it too! Best of luck!! I’m rooting for you!!

Also, I wanted to add... the reason we feel like the thoughts are hurting us is because we try so desperately to get rid of them, and the harder u try to get rid of them the more ocd pushes them forward. Erp is about learning to not push them away... eventually they won’t bother you!

Thank you so much! I appreciate your words. Sometimes Im scared of doing it because I feel my anxiety levels wont be as high so it will mean that my thoughts are actually real. Actually, exactlt a week ago I was doing amazing, I went out to eat with my partner and everything was amazing, but then on Sunday when I noticed that I had no anxiety I started to get worried that maybe that meant my thoughts are actually real and that I just dont love him. These days have been all about me analyzing and creating scenarios to try to see if I get anxiety or even to provoke it, but it didnt really work. So, today everything got worse and I have been feeling like Im right at the beginning all over again! I recognize the feeling and the ugly thoughts. Sometimes I forget about it and have a great time, but most of the time it is all about analyzing my thoughts and creating scenarios to check how I would feel, and if I think that maybe I wouldnt feel good with my partner next to me in that exact moment and I have no trace of anxiety or me freaking out, then I actually get really scared.

There is one movie that Im INCREDIBLY scared of watching. It is "500 days of Summer" because I guess it portrays what is terrifying me. Watching the movie could be considered as exposing myself to a trigger and would that help?

Hi Maria, I find the trick is not to look for those amazing moments but just try and be stable and accept everything as normal, so if things are going well with whatever, just accept it and enjoy it for what it is knowing that something else/potentially bad could be round the corner, once you come to expect these fluctuations; u won’t be looking for extreme highs or lows, I hope that makes sense, Dave

Thank you so much! Something that worries me a lot too is that people say that they create scenarios to get relief, but most of the times when I create scenarios with my partner I imagine myself not feeling good, like focusing on his flaws or finding something about him annoying so it worries me that me not getting relief from the scenarios means that I dont love him. And yes, I have talked to him about this and he has been INCREDIBLY supportive, but sometimes I prefer to not tell him things because Im afraid he will get tired of this and leave or that I will often make him feel bad because I fell that sometimes I hurt him. Yesterday he admitted that sometimes he feels a little sad because he wants the both of us to enjot our time together but he told me that I wasnt hurting him and he often tells me I have to focus on myself and not him but I just cant. It is horrible to feel this way, I wish it would all just go away and that I could go back to who I was. But yeah, we're all battling here. Thank you so much for your help so far!:)

Don’t worry Davey I’ve had a rough day too- we all have our ups and downs x