Feel like crap.

I talk to this one girl online, she’s the coolest and sweetest! But I think she’s going through a tough time with her illness and it just sounds like it keeps getting worse. I had a thought pop up saying “die” at one point, I feel like total shit for it. I was excited this morning because I felt great waking up but when I read her message I felt sorry for her and after a couple of seconds I got that intrusive thought and it felt like I meant it but damn, I know I don’t what the fuck 😔. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. And before I would have intimate thoughts of me and her doing things. but that one I think was legit. It’s cause I like her but when I look back at it it’s such a shitty thing to be thinking about. and yesterday I was with a group of friends and he was complaining about how this chick won’t message him quick and I said don’t worry man I talk to this one chick who I sent a text on Saturday but she just text back yesterday. Just trying to give him an idea like hey yours isn’t as bad as mine. But we’re not even like talking to be bf or gf. I just want to be happy but ocd is def making me feel guilty and wanting to confess to my online friend 😔!

Hopeful2022

Date posted: 2y

Confessing is a compulsion. Try your best not to engage. ❤️❤️ I struggle with this too it's absolutely horrible but just try to remind yourself that you are NOT your thoughts.

Jher55

Date posted: 2y

@Hopeful2022 I’m trying not to! It just hurts so bad because like the intimate sexual thoughts I want to say were true, she’s beautiful and I fantasized about it. I want to say that’s how it happened. But I also have positive thoughts of her not just negative. plus when I say illness, she’s going through a tough one. And she got news from her Dr that was tough. She has not told me anything yet but the first thing that popped in my head was “she doesn’t have long to live” and if that’s the case I feel like the need to confess because what If something happens and I never got the chance to tell her I’m sorry and explain myself about these thoughts 😔! I hate it. I mean no harm to her at all period. I want to just leave it in the past but I feel like a horrible person.

Jher55

Date posted: 2y

@Hopeful2022 None of this was ever brought up to me until now and now that I realized it and my ocd checking in my past events of her, then it’s latching on to this, like literally yesterday I was great!!! Now this morning I get the bad news from her and that “die” thought popped up which led me to “what else did I think bad of her or thought of” I’m literally 180 and hurt.

Hopeful2022

Date posted: 2y

@Jher55 I'm so so sorry that this is happening. It sounds extremely difficult to deal with. I wish you the best and you are not a horrible person. You are an amazing person these thoughts only show that you care about her :)

Jher55

Date posted: 2y

@Hopeful2022 Thank you. I do care about her as a friend. I just hope I don’t end up confessing and tearing this friendship apart. She has a lot to deal with and confessing to her would just put more stress in her life. I don’t want that.

Hopeful2022

Date posted: 2y

@Jher55 Trying not to confess is extremely hard so I'm very sorry you're dealing with it :(

Jher55

Date posted: 2y

@Hopeful2022 It is. It is the hardest decision to ever do. Even when you don’t mean it to tear anything apart. You just want to be honest with them. But unfortunately this is one of OCD’s compulsions 😔. I appreciate you messaging. It’s helpful to know there are people out here that are willing to lend some time out of their day to help others.

Hopeful2022

Date posted: 2y

@Jher55 I am always here to help :)

Jher55

Date posted: 2y

@Hopeful2022 Thank you. I appreciate you!

Sillygoose27

Date posted: 14w

OCD Guilt

I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?

Andrew Villa...

Date posted: 13w

OCD is annoying today

So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time

Sexual Orientation OCD

Ifeelguilty

Date posted: 12w

I am feeling so guilty

One of my ocd symptoms is hyperfixations, and i fixate on my girlfriend’s face- like, itd as if my ocd tries figuring out if something’s wrong This has caused me to avoid looking at her because ocd numbs my feelings from the anxiety- i have difficulty video calling, she doesn’t mind at all cause she doesn’t really video call w me (were in an ldr, she just doesnt really mind it at all) but i still mind. I love her, shes my beautiful princess and it enfuriates me that i cant get in touch with my real feelings cause of this :’( Same thing is happening with like, intrusive feelings aggainst her like random irritability- its so exhausting, im very tired, but im NOT irritated at her. Its disgusting how repulsive i feel to certain actions she does when she asks me for help, like, its as if I’m anxious and overwhelmed cause I have to help her with a lot of stuff, but I am not irritated or mad at her, thats intrusive :’( but it bugs me that its here :’( She knows about my intrusive feelings im just so frustrated

Relationship OCD

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