I have been feeling like I can’t breathe since the middle of the day because my brain started saying I don’t know my authentic self and if I don’t know my authentic self then maybe I’m gay. I come from a religious home and don’t know anyone else who experience this and that’s why my brain keeps saying maybe it’s not ocd
Hi Torah - I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Panic/anxiety are terrifying and the symptoms we experience with them can be absolutely debilitating. Are you in therapy for OCD? I definitely recommend giving NOCD a call for their free consultation. In the meantime, when panic strikes, try your best to sit with it and let it wear itself out. While it’s scary, you can handle the panic and get through it. It doesn’t last forever. Focus on your breathing and ride it out.
I think panic attacks can be the worst feelings, but please remember they will pass. You don't need to "do" anything to get them to pass. Think of other emotions- when you laugh because something is funny do you need to "do" anything to stop laughing? No- it passes on its own. Now I recognize that panic doesn't feel good and you likely don't enjoy the experience- but OCD wants to convince you that you cannot tolerate it, but you can. The more you allow the feelings and don't try and do compulsions to stop them, oftentimes the less they are there and the more you are able to dismiss them. I think authenticity is an interesting concept- are any of us truly authentic? I don't know. You don't know. Try to sit with uncertainty and maybe you are and maybe you aren't and at the end of the day- keep moving forward in life, day by day, moment by moment. Try non-engagement responses, say something like "oh that was an interesting thought" or "hmmm, that could be true" or "I guess we will wait and see if I become gay." Rather then ruminating and constantly trying to figure out why you are having these thoughts- don't assign meaning to them. They are just thoughts.
i’m sorry for what you’re going through, it sounds very lonely. for what it’s worth your story does sound like sexual orientation ocd. i know the feeling of not trusting your identity or questioning whether your symptoms are actually from ocd. you are not alone, i hope there is some comfort in that
You are not alone, and I completely understand that feeling. I never struggled with sexual orientation ocd that much, however someone once told me something that helped. They said that if you are constantly thinking about it and worrying about it then that may be a sign that it isn’t true you know. I don’t know if that helped much but it did help me a bit. Just know you aren’t alone in your ocd:)
Why is it scary to be gay? Is it religious? A fear of not knowing who you really are? I am genuinely curious. I feel like this is one of the few types of ocd that I don’t deal with so I don’t really understand it.
It all started two months ago when I was making scenarios in my head to fall asleep.. i was imagining myself kissing a man and then it turned into a woman. The moment that happened, I opened my eyes and panicked.. it was complete panic, i started sweating, crying and I couldn’t function anymore. I started asking myself “am i gay”, “i have to come out to my boyfriend”, “i have to come out to everyone”, it was all within the span of 10 minutes… soooo overwhelming!! My mind acted as if I was gay, I lost my sense of identity, I couldn’t even trust myself anymore even when I reassured myself. It was such an awful cycle, to look at any person, a man to make sure i was straight, and a woman to make sure I wasn’t gay… i feel ashamed saying this. If i looked at a woman a certain way, like oh she’s pretty, my mind would say yes u see ur gay. After two months, I imagine any interest with a female stranger as a confirmation of being gay, I’m so nervous all the time, i start sweating and checking for groinal responses (the worst is when the response happens).. i cant afford a session with a therapist now, and i keep saying that i dont have OCD, im in denial, and that one day ill be gay. Can someone offer some insight on wether this sounds like OCD?
hi, i have been having resting, persisting, and ongoing anxiety and anxiety/panic attacks thinking i could be gay and have to break up with my boyfriend for about 9 or so months now. i really dont want to, because i love him and care for him. and yes, i feel i do romantically and sexually, and all of those other ways. any one here who was gay with a similar experience ? i saw a youtube video where she says she was having panic/anxiety attacks thinking about being gay for a long time, and then discovered herself to be gay, and there were a lot of comments agreeing with her saying they had similar experiences. if youve had a similar experience could you let me know, or if anyone has any insight can you let me know. it just sounds so similar to what i have been calling OCD this whole time, making me think it is not OCD. i would appreciate it :(
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