ihatecorona:(

Date posted: 2y

What is hocd. And how to know ?

Hey guys Sorry if this is an obvious question but I’m really not doing great at the moment. Is someone able to explain exactly what HOCD is and possibly how to tell if I have it? Here’s a little about me. I have thoughts I don’t like/ don’t want to like. Throughout the day. Everyday. That although my head tries to convince me I like it, it causes extreme anxiety and distress. I would say more than often they are intrusive. Often I ask for reassurance that I have OCD from people close to me because although I have been somewhat diagnosed. I still struggle to believe it. My other side effects: * near enough complete loss of attraction * ‘proof’ that haunts me from my past * complete loss of libido Any support here would be greatly appreciated. All the best 💚

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Going through it right now. Wouldn’t put it on my worst enemy. I have stretches where I feel like myself again and times where there is a massive weight over me. Good luck

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

Just want to chime in and let you know you’re not alone in the “somewhat diagnosed” camp and it’s really rough, feels like purgatory. Might as well treat it like it is ocd, though. I have thoughts like that too. At first they caused me a ton of anxiety and distress too and it has gone down since I’ve been on meds, but still cause me to ruminate for almost the entire day, every day, trying to figure it out. Here for you

ihatecorona:(

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk Thank you. I was told ‘you sound like you have the traits is ocd and I’ve seen you a few times and it’s safe to say your obsessive’ so I was left very confused. I really wish I knew 100% I had OCD because that would mean I’m not actually what my thoughts/ sensations say I am. Not sure if that makes sense. It if it sounds mean, I apologise

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@ihatecorona:( I know the feeling, it doesn’t sound mean, I was just talking with a friend about it this morning. My previous therapist said almost exactly what you were told. I keep telling myself that it doesn’t need to be 100% identical to others’ experiences in order to be ocd, and that if it weren’t ocd, we wouldn’t be physically able to make all of these thoughts happen over and over along with the sensations and compulsions.

ihatecorona:(

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk I’m sorry you went through it too. It’s not fair. Sometimes i worry because my only compulsion really, is reassure seeking. I feel like for it to be OCD, I should have more? I used to have more in the past but now it’s mainly reassurance seeking

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@ihatecorona:( It seems to me like you’re thinking about it internally a lot too? Could be ruminating when you don’t even realize it. It’s sneaky and cyclical. It also sounds like you’re hypothesizing (“what if it’s not ocd”?)

ihatecorona:(

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk I find it really hard to recognise if I ruminate. Just because I don’t completely understand it. I definitely often have the ‘what if this isn’t ocd’ thought. It’s horrible Sometimes I’ll automatically go through my past in my head to see if I can find things that disprove my thought. Once my thought is gone and I am relieved. Something new to do with the same theme ALWAYS comes back

anxiousmollusk

Date posted: 2y

@ihatecorona:( That is a compulsion! Searching through your memory. Finding evidence for or against your thoughts/fears. I do it too, sometimes it’s almost subconsciously at this point. Ruminating is thinking really hard about what you’re fearing or think might be happening and falling into a pattern of thinking about it the same way, with some similar thoughts or memories coming up and you trying to “figure out” what they mean, if anything. It seems like you must be doing a little bit of that because you listed feeling like you lost attraction, which (anecdotally! I’m not a therapist!) seems to happen when you just think about things so hard your brain doesn’t really know how to respond anymore. Almost like you’re stuck in fight/flight/freeze mode.

ihatecorona:(

Date posted: 2y

@anxiousmollusk That makes sense. I definitely think I’ve ruminated before. Thank you for taking the time to explain that

Scaredallday

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

That "proof from the past" is hitting so hard rn. Things I did when i was 6 HAUNT ME. - I have harm ocd and my mind constantly tries to tell me I'll be a murderer. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Dothewalkofl...

Date posted: 2y

I relate a lot. Sorry your going through this :(

ihatecorona:(

Date posted: 2y

@Dothewalkoflife. Thank you. 👍

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Hocd

I haven’t been diagnosed with it, but I feel like nothing else describes me better. If you do have this feeling and thoughts, what are some ways to lower your anxiety ?

user74128588493

Date posted: 10w

hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?

geodrimilis

Date posted: 10w

About hocd

This shit has to be one of the most confusing subtypes of ocd because no matter what you will never find clarity. When it started it wasn’t as bad and confusing because it was mostly anxiety. But when it started getting physical that’s when it got extremely confusing because I feel tension and fear when thinking of gay stuff but while testing I get arousal sensations so the big question is “if I am afraid of it how can my body respond as if I’m into it and if I’m into it how does my body respond with fear as if I’m not” and it’s endless. I wish I never started testing my arousal so I never started getting groinals to gay stuff in the first place. But there’s no going back now.

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