Why does my resentful boyfriend not break up with me, but he always tells me to leave him instead? He is hot and cold, one minute I’m the love of his life, the next he says I ruined his life and brings up the past. Then he tells me he can’t get over the past and he will never be the same so for my sake I should just leave (the past is a series of fights and mental breakdowns I had after I lost my job. He’s a quiet guy so he’s never seen such behavior from a girl and it affected him badly. I’ve owned up to it and apologized and now take all of his resentful lash outs)

If you are really set on keeping this relationship going you both obviously need to sit down and talk about both of your thoughts and feelings (and when you are both not upset). There is not 100% fault in any relationship. Obviously you both have issues with the other or how things are being handled. A good scope to measure for a healthy relationship is having disagreements 20% of the time and the other 80% being pleasant interactions. If that is not happening something needs to change or you might need to move on. An unhealthy relationship is draining and not good for either person.

Break up with him. Don’t ever apologize for dealing with your feelings, you don’t have the capacity to ruin someone’s life. You don’t deserve hot and cold because that just makes your anxiety worse. He doesn’t want to take the blame for a breakup but suggests you break up with him? That doesn’t sound like someone who wants to be in a relationship or work through your issues in the relationship. You deserve to be loved for who you are, good and bad. If someone sees you for everything that you are and wants to stay then that’s worth fighting for. All my opinion. I dated a borderline narcissist who would treat me similarly and worse and it was like walking on egg shells and constant anxiety. Finally had to walk away.

You know my thoughts: break up with him. Invest in getting better yourself. He’s obviously not going to meet you half way and one person can’t save a relationship. I know the pain of losing him will suck. But I can promise you it will be worth it.

Yeah I think my boyfriends a narcissist or has tendencies at least. He had a great no stress life and then I come along with my problems and he doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to. He even told me once when I bought up his ex that she looks much much better than me. Then afterwards he said he didn’t mean it and he says things for revenge. He couldn’t hit me so he spit on me when I tried to keep him in the apartment to talk (I was in a foreign country dependent on him and he was packing and leaving after a fight, I didn’t know when he would be back and I had no money) He tells me I turned him into this monster and he’s not perfect but it’s my fault. Just a few weeks ago he was Skyping me all sweet and saying he will never leave and then one little thing set him off and he needs space and acts cold, which leaves me with anxiety and makes me reach out to him. When I try and talk he shuts down and threatens to block me and says he needs time and space until he’s back to normal. I’m always on edge and I pathetically still love him.