- Date posted
- 2y
Stupid
Literally now when I think of my past crushes, my head like "yeah, but it was fake or you forced it"
Literally now when I think of my past crushes, my head like "yeah, but it was fake or you forced it"
I can relate..
It's really annoying when it does that. And it keeps taking away every fact that I've had fro the beginning and doing this to it.
Omg I had this aswell! Ocd will attach itself to anything you feel strongly about and care for. Just remember how you felt when you had these crushes and you weren't dealing with heightened ocd, you can't fake the feelings without realising! Stay strong, you've got this 👍💗
That's the issue, I can't remember. It's been 6 months and I honestly can't remember at all how I felt. However, I do agree that you can't fake without realizing. Just like, I wasn't attracted to girls without realizing, which is also what it tells me.
@Meg Johnson You know you had these crushes as you are so aware now you don't have them. With your crushes you must have enjoyed seeing snd being around them or heaing about them and want them and have attraction towards them, if you didn't you probably wouldn't be wondering right now "oh no, what if it was all fake"
@EllieDuffy21 - Oh, yeah, I felt all of that. Only thing was sometimes when they showed interest back, I kind of ran away. But not from all. But I definitely was happy being around them and everything, I was nervous too. But I figured that's normal.
@Meg Johnson Omg yes I was always so normal and everytime a boy would talk to me who I had a crush on I would be trying my best to avoid it because I thought i would ruin it or say something I didn't mean
@EllieDuffy21 - I don't know if it was because I was worried about that too. I worry that I didn't like them and that's why I ran away. But tbh, I've always had an issue with emotional intimacy, even with my parents. I think that had something to do with it. Plus, I think I'm the kind of person to take it slow with.
@Meg Johnson taking it is slow is such an easy and common thing to do. When I worried about my attraction to men being a complete lie my whole life I always remembered these things: - You can't fake feelings without knowing - a person has to actively change there views and values to other people and themselves to fake it and know they are doing it. YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW! - if you didn't fancy men, you would of never gravitated to their attraction more. I am presuming you have been attracted to people you know before or people you have seen. This shows you gravitate to men and you look for the men you fancy as that's best you are inclined too. - remember how you felt when you fancied someone, remember your behaviour remember your feelings and remember your thoughts! You've got this ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Me too
I just remember the day I got my first false memory. I was trying to recover and I all of a sudden had so much anxiety and got so many what ifs. Trying to remember something made me go downhill it was like it confirmed my fears. Ever since I've been finding tons of memories not even intentionally and it all seems to support this theme.
So I was fantasizing about my crush and when I was into my brother pops up or something and it makes me think I was turned on by him like I’m upset about that now
okay, so when i first started getting involved with guys, i wasnt really the nicest person when it came down to it and so, i started talking to this guy. His name in this is gonna be James well I liked this guy, and yk I was just there, I didn’t really like relationships or anything. Wasn’t big on them whatever. Well his friend Jeremy starts taking an interest into me. So I’m like why not? And go for it. And when I did he wasn’t my type at all. I wasn’t attracted to him, like maybe at the time I like had to convince myself he was attractive. And you know, he wanted to get together, this was my first sense of a relationship at all. But I didn’t fantasize about being with him or anything and like hardly thought about him also But we wasn’t together? Just talking. And he’d like talk to other girls. And just everything like that whatever. Well he got with this girl named Mallory and I like was upset. And so I homewrecked it. But when I did I was glad the attention was back? But he asked for a relationship I didn’t want it. And I homewrecked a few more times, and well then. Me and this girl became friends. I forgot about this guy for like months. And then randomly one time I was at his cousins house for an event. And he was there with a different girl. And I was just hanging out with him? I wanted him to find me attractive and what not. But I didn’t want romantically involved with him? well, then we go out of contact for a year, I meet other guys, don’t think about this dude at all. Whatever I get in a relationship with a guy and then break up, and i talked to this guy who slightly looked like jeremy and my sister brought it up. but i only talked to the guy because i wasn’t supposed to? so it made me want to more. and i thought about jeremy once, not missing him or anything still not thinking about Jeremy then I get with my current boyfriend, who I’ve been in love with for two years now? Been together 5 and our past was really horrible a lot of girls and what not guys too? But then. We get together whatever, I love it. I was always worried about other girls, if I’m in love, if this is what I want?, and everything like that, and then it was like everything I did? I’d tell him, talking to a guy, getting intrusive thoughts about them whatever. Then I get an intrusive thought about Jeremy. and it was like horrible. something about his arms? And it’s like my boyfriend told his friends. And his girlfriend found out. the same one I homewrecked my bestfriend, and then it was horrible like the past coming back, and I hated it and I avoid seeing this dude, talking to him, I’d look at him just to see if I’d get the anxiety in my stomach like I couldn’t look at pictures videos or in person without getting sick but I’d feel the need to look? For the feeling of anxiety and the sickening feeling, and I’d tell my boyfriend everytime I looked at him or anything it was horrible, well then it gets horrible, intrusive thoughts about leaving my boyfriend, or comparing him to my boyfriend, or wondering things, or that it’s feelings, and I’d just drive me crazy, like i wont get phone cases, he had or looked similar, emoji’s he used. or anything like that i wont wear his favorite color absolutely nothing. like crying on my boyfriends chest over it. And we broke up over it. The thoughts went away for the couple of hours, I didn’t think of them or anything but as soon as me and him broke up I looked at a pic of Jeremy to see how I felt then I didn’t think of anything else I just wanted to be back with my boyfriend, now we are back together and it’s still happening and the guys name just pops up if I’m like “I love my boyfriend” his name pops up. Or randomly out throught the day, I forgot about it for a little then I’m fine but I went to a therapist and she said intrusive thoughts and ocd and another said that plus anxiety but I need help. I need answers or what other people think. I’ve looked into everything I’ve puked and made myself sick over it so much it’s been a little over a month now. it’s died down after he got a buzz, and school let out. But idk what it is. and my mind constantly wants to figure out the past? and tell me that if i unblock him it will get better? idk. i think in the past it was a false crush?? or something. or i just enjoyed the validation and attention from him.. but when he called me nicknames id be like “omg!!” and freak out? like i cant rmb in a good or bad way. i didnt remember it until my friend mentioned it. please help me.
Has anyone else gotten into a relationship before realizing that it not only started but continued due to false attraction? So in November I got out of an admittedly toxic relationship (unfortunately on both ends) and I had been in it for a year and three months. If I'm being completely honest within the first 3 months I realized that it was false attraction, but I didn't want to out right break up with him since he was also not mentally well. So, I stupidly started self sabotaging. As I said, it ended up being completely toxic, we got into plenty of arguments that rarely got resolved. There was worse things that happened than the arguments, but that's besides the point. I started it when I shouldn't have. At most I had somewhat of an aesthetic attraction to him. He had a look that I really liked at the time (long hair 😭.) But, I honestly didn't like anything else. His personality wasn't very good, he was rude as a "joke" (it was never funny to me) also he was 11 months younger than me. I know it's not an insane gap by any means, but it's just not something that I want in a relationship. I prefer my partners to be same age to like a year older. Not to mention there was a pretty clear maturity gap. If I'm being completely honest, I saw him as a friend (sometimes barely that.) Like I said, I'm aware that it was completely on me and I was wrong for it. But, has anyone gone through something similar? Hopefully not something too toxic.
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