Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

Anime cause many triggers

I was just binge watching random YouTube videos and I’ve come across a video essay about how loli art in the media is never ok, which I totally agree with since I am truly disgusted by it and has been negatively affected by it as well due to it becoming a “normal thing” within the anime community. Therefore, being exposed to that gross stuff, it caused me a lot of regret of things that I did as a child, and I still regret to this day. Makes me think I’m a p*do and I really bad person even tho I was never attracted to those types of things, I just hate how it can be encountered within the anime community which can cause a lot of psychological damage to children and teens who watch anime, as it happened to me. Even tho the video is very triggering, since it causes my real event, fake memory, and POCD to flare up, I’ll still watch it because I know I will never watch or like that type of disgusting media ever. Anyone in the anime community also agree that this type of media is harmful due to how it can be easily exposed kids and teens? And we’re you also negatively affected by it?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

I can relate. I was affected negatively by porn in general with cartoons, anime, and unfortunately in real life cases. It really messed me up and I don't think it's helping me, yet I still find myself going back to it time and time again. It makes me ashamed and upset at myself.

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I agree also, it makes me want to go back in time and correct my ways. If I haven’t discovered that, or porn in general, at such a bad age, would I even be struggling with this?

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 I think so. I feel that if I were warned about the dangers of porn or simply what it was at the time I wouldn't go through the things I did. I probably would have had a good time in high school but didn't. I just wish it didn't happen

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 Yeah, but remember that our past doesn’t define our present. Even tho it’s painful to remember those terrible memories (as it is for me), it doesn’t define who we are

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 I try to tell myself that. It's worked in the past but it's not working now. Maybe I just have to keep practicing it again and again..

Ocd9239

Date posted: 2y

Yes I agree a lot, it's made me completely avoid watching anything anime related because there's always those weird scenes added that involve p*** even if it's meant as a joke, and idek why it's so normalized in anime, I hate it sm bc it's making me ruminate to the point where I can't enjoy myself

Ocd9239

Date posted: 2y

Sometimes I wonder who I would be if I was never interested in anime, it sounds silly but the scenerios comfort me

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@05kuromi_ I also think about that a lot too. If I haven’t discovered anime, hentai, and porn at such a young age, would I not have these types of regrets?

Ocd9239

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 Yeah, sometimes I wish go back in time or wish I never found it growing up, I wouldn't have these problems now

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 I agree. I think this stuff really messed up my mind when growing through puberty. It's still having an effect on me today. I hate it

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 Yup, it’s still affecting me today. I’m afraid it will affect my morality

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@05kuromi_ I certainly agree 😞

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 Well, deep down, I have my morals but I still find myself going back to the thing that causes me so much pain even when I don't want to. Deep down I feel like I know that I'm a good person and I don't want to be wrapped up into horrible things that I think about intrusively but I'm just never 100% sure because of the anxiety

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 I hate how OCD causes is to have so much uncertainty, especially if it deals with good or bad. With my GAD, it makes me feel worse. I relate to everything you say 😞 I read your other post and I 100% relate to everything you said

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 Is this about the most recent post I made? I might have an anxiety disorder to be honest because I just worry about things and get troubling thoughts all the time. The uncertainty is just insane and it spirals to so many different things. Best we can do is to ignore it or give it a non worrying response I suppose.

Watermelon🍉

Date posted: 2y

@BigGip09 Yep! I also tend to worry a lot all the time that it sometimes makes it hard to ignore

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2y

@Watermelon🍉 Yeah, I get you with that. There's also times where I worry about not worrying, if that makes any sense. Just from worrying for so much.

Lulu~

Date posted: 22w

Shut up and dance with me - Black mirror. Help pls

Hello, so I’m currently spiralling so so so bad and I want someone to help me and tell me what to do rn. I have dyslexia so there might be some misspelling 3 months ago I read a manga that triggered my POCD to start The manga was cute, I enjoyed it tbh, but it had pedophilic themes (idk why I continued on to read it?!) and in the end it got quite sexual. I was sick while reading it so sadly I don't have much memories. Anyways afterwards I read some comments about how this was smth only pedos like. And since then, intense POCD. Stopped eating, isolated nyself, tried to commit multiple of times and called 991 on myself too. I kept on going about and thinking if I wanted smth sexual to happen, I know I thought there would be a time jump. And thought that something sexual might have happened then. But I can't stop doubting myself or thinking "what if I liked it when it started to get sexual" and the memories of such feel so real that I can't ignore them. I've never ever enjoyed CP before, or manga with SA (honestly I don't enjoy smut much overall, but they're pretty common in romance mangas) but if it has sexual themes and the characters look like kids/are kids/a weird age gap ect. I drop it, but idk why I didn't drop this one. Then I realised that I had never been attracted to kids, and this scenario doesnt have to mean that I am a pedophile. I also have ALOT of trauma around pedophilia (CSA survivor, started making CP as a coping mechanism. It ruined my childhood and took loads of cptsd therapy to stop relapsing.) And I didn’t have a spiral for weeks, I did epr fully and thought I had finally figured out a way to ignore the intrusive thoughts. Nope lol, today I was insanely bored and decided to watch black mirror. “Shut up and dance” I knew that there was an episode that I had been warned about being triggering bht naive like I tend to be I watched it. And now I’m deeply spiralling again. I’m so tired T_T

Anonymous

Date posted: 16w

Real event false memory ruining enjoyment guilt

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with what I think are intrusive thoughts, possibly related to OCD, and I'm hoping someone here might relate. When I was younger, in my early teens, I went through a period where I had a strong interest in pornography. During that time, I encountered hentai involving male characters, related to an anime I enjoyed. One of the characters was someone I even looked up to. I feel incredibly uncomfortable admitting this, but I believe I engaged in sexual activity related to it. Years later, I'm plagued by intrusive thoughts about this. I feel intense self-disgust and shame. It's like this memory has "tainted" my ability to enjoy that anime, and sometimes other things. I'm constantly replaying the situation in my mind, questioning my past actions, and worrying about what it means about me. The anxiety is significantly impacting my life. Does anyone else experience intrusive thoughts focused on past events, particularly those that cause feelings of shame or disgust? How do you cope with the constant replaying and questioning? I'm looking for support and understanding. Thank you for listening.

Givenup

Date posted: 12w

Pocd and horrible real events

I think these are the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... When I was 18, i unknowingly consumed l*licon a couple times... I didnt know what the term was at the time... I thought that since it was on a public site, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... it's been 5 years since then... im 23... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed...

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Anime cause many triggers

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