having a crush

my ocd and anxiety has been so bad a couple of days… so i started liking this guy that i am friends with and we also went to prom together… after prom, i caught feelings for him even more because he’s so respectful and nice… but he is also a boy that acts like one… but overall he’s rlly sweet.. the other day though since we go to the same school we were in the parking lot after school with our friends just talking and socializing… but once he was leaving i went to go give him a hug and hugged me… my other guy friend was with us who’s also friends with him and hugged him too and whispered in his ear and said “yo u and sav would be a good couple” and he nodded saying “yes” (my guy friend told me that) so eventually i told him saying “yeah i like him” blah blah but there is a problem that bothers me so badly… my friend likes him… i didn’t tell her for a while until i think my OCD was just bothering me sm if i didn’t tell her so i told her how i felt and i was just saying like “i don’t want this to ruin our friendship or anything but i have feelings for him…” yada yada… she was like “i understand but if i’m honest with u if u ask him out i will be upset” i’m just like i wasn’t planning to rlly i can’t tell if he rlly likes me anyways but i didn’t say that… i said “i’m just telling u how i feel” and she goes “i mean i would see u guys anyways because u guys are closer” then she says “can i ask u something and a non rude way” and i was like sure…. she goes “since i’m the first person that liked him can i give it a try if it doesn’t work that’s that” and i was like girl idk it’s Gods plan if it doesn’t work it doesn’t if it does it does” and i’m saying that in the most mature and respectful way yk? because i am christian i’ve been praying about it also. so we were good after that but my anxiety and OCD has been so horrible… i’m uncomfortable around them because she flirts with him but i don’t and she did it on ft when i fell asleep on ft and my best friend was on there and had to hear it….she told me that he does it back she just can’t tell if he’s joking or not… but i’m so overwhelmed about it i’m having thoughts like “what if u and him stop being friends” … “what if something bad happens” …. “what if ur not confident in yourself enough where he won’t like you” …. “what if this is a love triangle” i’m just so sick of this and i don’t wanna be so distraught over a stupid boy because i’ve been through sm with my past talking stage thinking it will work but now im like rlly cauious over being in a relationship now…

I need advice. I’ve had OCD in different forms since I was eight. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. He has always been subtly anxious and jealous. He would say things like, “I find everyone but you ugly” or “I could never find anyone else attractive.” That stressed me out morally, especially since it’s our first relationship and I, of course, want to be good enough for him. It started around the three-month mark of our relationship. Now to the problem: When I see someone who is attractive or cute, it already begins. I start thinking—or rather, I don’t just think, I feel. I genuinely and naturally feel these emotions, like I find that person attractive, like I like them, like I want them. I even feel infatuated, like I want to be with them, spend time with them, be their partner, even sexual scenarios or feelings like I love them. These emotions feel so natural and real that I can’t tell the difference. With one person, I’ve had these feelings for over a year. But I only know most of these people by sight. It could be that I’ve fallen in love with the idea of them. That’s a big issue for me. It completely goes against my moral values. I don’t want this. For me, it would be terrible to have a crush on someone else, to like someone else, or to fall in love with another person. Or worse, to love someone else. Because I do love my partner, and I want a future with him. And I know the relationship wouldn’t survive if my fears came true. Even if he always tells me, ‘No, I wouldn’t break up with you,’ I couldn’t live with it myself. And the thing is, it’s not even such an unrealistic fear. It’s not like I’m afraid I want to kill someone or that I have feelings like that. No, this topic I’m dealing with involves real people. There are many people who suddenly fall for someone else, who develop a crush or even fall in love with another person. And I can’t reconcile that with myself. A year ago, I saw someone, and it hit me like a shock (I think in a negative way). Yes, he is attractive or cute. But in that moment, I felt so much fear, panic, and adrenaline because I felt and thought that I liked him more than my partner. When that happens, I start testing my feelings again. And of course, I feel exactly what I’m afraid of. I then constantly feel this pressure or burden, along with guilt. When I think about a scenario, or imagine the person, those feelings come immediately—followed by fear, panic, and guilt. Because of that, I avoid certain places, things, or even numbers because I’m afraid of being triggered. By now, I’m convinced these are my true feelings, because I just can’t imagine that OCD could produce such emotions, and for such a long time—sometimes over a year. I simply don’t want this. I just feel awful, like a monster. What should I do?

I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭