- Username
- kte123
- Date posted
- 1y ago
Dating as a trigger?
I am wondering if anyone else feels really triggered by dating. I (25 F) will be casually dating a guy who will like me and be into me and things will be going well, maybe it feels like they are more into me than I am into them. I start to panic bc I dont know if I want to be in a relationship with them and then my brain goes to “well maybe you don’t want to be in a relationship with any men because you’re a lesbian and you’re not meant to be with anyone at all” the thoughts then spiral into “you’re a bad, insecure person for leading these guys on, just cut it off now and start dating girls so you can spare them and yourself of these lies.” These thoughts are incredibly distressing to me to the point where I need to overanalyze the extent to which I like/am attracted to someone. I will compulsively read HOCD and lesbian reddit threads to scan for signs that I relate to either of them. I also spend hours googling what my thoughts mean and ruminating on past dating experiences to try to come to a conclusion about my sexuality. The thought has taken over my brain to a point where its all I can think about and I feel anxious being around gay people when I previously did not. I feel physically ill due to these thoughts and have a hard time getting out of bed and getting through the day with these thoughts constantly harassing me. I am really hoping this is just OCD but Im terrified of this being real. Please let me know if anyone experiences dating as a major trigger!