Hi, Ever since I had a nervous breakdown a month ago, all I’ve been able to think about is the fact that I feel like I’m a murderer and that I do all these things to harm people. I feel like people have confronted me about it, I feel like I do these things. Just everything feels so real and I need help and I’m so confused if it’s OCD. I feel like I am at the point where it is a puzzle that I cannot solve. :(
I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, Evarreid. The same thing happened to me in early 2020. I felt like my mind literally turned on me or that I was possessed somehow. Out of this desperation, I found this app and the help that I needed to get better. I'm glad that you're here with us and thank you so much for sharing this. I also know how hard it is to do! Please let me know how I can help!
Hey Danielle, did it affect the way you saw others in the temporary time? My fear is I'll never have a good relationship mentally with any living thing and it scares me
@A person 1 - Yes of course, I isolated myself from the world. This is exactly the right environment for OCD to flourish too. With time and treatment, I was able to live my life surrounded by those that I loved again.
@ Yeah, I think my anxiety sent me into like, fight mode, which for some reason my brain made my mouth feel like I was going to bite someone. I had watched the Jeffrey Dahmer documentary so intrusive thoughts revolved around that. Sorry if that's an overshare. I'm getting to a point where I can kind of laugh at it but at the time... Scariest shit I've ever experienced. Sent to the depths of depression. Kind of an over share but tis what happened I think. Thank you for sharing your story! Glad you got back on the horse!
@A person 1 - I have overcome OCD for the most part and I know that this documentary would have me wanting to bubble wrap anyone that I know. Yes, OCD can be laughable at times as well- just plain ridiculous but scary in the moment. Thank you for sharing your moment with us.
@ Thank you! Yes that thing really messed me up, and to compare my typically kind and caring character to such a monster is really hard. I'm trying to build myself back up but it's like, I'm afraid to go out in case I do become that. Which makes zero sense haha, I think I'm slowly retaking my space in the world
Try the SOS feature and schedule with a NOCD therapist if you can. There are activities you can do in the app that can help you gain clarity about what you're feeling and thinking. Being able to expose our obsessions can decrease the shame associated with them. I've learned to see my obsessions as a room I can go into and leave dark or make light. My therapist told me the more we care about something the more OCD can affect it. You may be a very caring, kind, and empathetic person so your OCD will try to convince you that you aren't. It's like having a conscience that's really strict with really high standards. It's intentions are good but it's intensity and obsessiveness is not good for us. I hope this perspective helps.
i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…
i am convinced im a psycho killer. everytime im around my mom or sister i get these intense thoughts of stabbing or hurting them. when they’re not around its not as intense but its still there. its literally on my mind 24/7. im so tense 24/7. were currently looking for a puppy for the family and when me and my sister were playing with them today the thought was still there. nothing distracts me from it. video games and EVERYTHING else doesn’t work. im starting to feel like i WANT to do these things. i was never like this until i had a marijuana induced panic attack in january. i feel like something happened to my brain and its not just ocd anymore. i dont even know if im faking it. i have suffered from relationship ocd, pedophile ocd, and health ocd. i got over those relatively quickly. this new theme came out of nowhere after a panic attack on a plane coming home from a horror convention in february. i dont see a way out of this one. its been months. i try to let them sit and i get a panic attack. all i do everyday is cry. i feel like my life is over. i talk to a therapist and i have tried two medications that didnf work work. i dont know how to live like this. im afraid im gonna lose my relationship and im afraid im gonna lose my whole life ahead of me. im just 22. i just want the old me back.
I don’t even know where to start because there’s so much going on in my head and it feels like there’s so much evidence for every thought. Like my ocd feels like it doesn’t just have one specific theme it’s honestly every theme and it just switches throughout the day depending on the thoughts I have. This started all about a month ago, this whole ocd flare up. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for about 3 years now and looking back on my childhood, I feel like I’ve had it for probably my entire life. My grandpa just recently died back in February and I feel like this whole ocd spiral is a result of dealing with grief especially because it didn’t even hit me for the whole month of April for some reason and things felt “normal”. But since this ocd flare up has started I’ve been constantly reviewing and revisiting my past, all my childhood memories and so many of them are terrifying which is weird because I never had a traumatic event hppen to me as a child. I feel like it’s always been “self-inflicted” trauma if that makes sense? My mind is telling me so many things related to so many topics like maybe I liked my family member as a kid and have just hid it to fit in with society? That my anxiety as a kid has caught up with me and I’m turning into a psychopath? That I’ve always been a creep and enjoyed looking at peoples privates or chests, etc but just ignored or allowed the thought this whole time. Also before this whole flare up I remember always feeling on autopilot and not really alive like everything I did I just felt numb about it. Which aids my ocd to tell me that these feelings are real and the thoughts are true and that I’m “waking up” or realizing or something. I haven’t felt such intense anxiety and distress since I was a kid and I didn’t even understand my own thoughts. It’s like I’m either hyper aware or totally unaware of what’s going on around me and it gets me thinking about my existence, personality, what my role in life is and like genuinely what I’m even doing in the moment like what’s the reason behind everything. I’m constantly questioning my intentions because I don’t know if they’re true or not and it’s like my ocd doesn’t even allow me to consider the thought it just jumps to conclusion. Like telling me I’m guilty before proven innocent. It honestly feels like so much at once to even simply call it ocd or anxiety because it feels like a crisis and any moment I could spiral and breakdown completely. Going to school everyday feeling like anytbing could trigger a panic attack at any moment makes me feel like I can’t be left alone with my thoughts. And like overall since I got down this rabbit hole, my first obsession was harm to myself, then it was harm to others specifically my family, then it was being a pervert or pedo, or being attracted or someone or something I shouldn’t be, which then makes me question my existence and who I am along with also being hyper aware of my facial movements like my eyebrows, nose, etc. Like why does ocd have to involve itself in every aspect of my life? It feels like there’s always something wrong that I need to fix.
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