About to start therapy and I’m freaking out…

I’ll be honest I am mostly overthinking it and some words of encouragement would be nice but I am just ranting my worst fears here. What if all my worst fears come true? What if she concludes that this is pedophilia and not ocd and I was just using ocd as an excuse? What if she says that I am crazy and that I’m gonna get locked up in a psych ward? What if she says that I was always a psychopath who got off to people being in pain? What if these pedophilia thoughts have always been here even though I really want them to go away it’s like I just can’t do it. I want these thoughts to lessen and I want my groinal responses and other bodily responses to go away and I want to live life and show love to everybody without thinking I have some ulterior motive. I’m hoping I can get my answers because I’m gonna be spending a lot of money that I don’t really have because my insurance won’t do me any favors. I hope everything will be okay.

Username: Learningtoliveagain Learningtol...

Date posted: 1y ago

You’re not alone. I’m tormented by pocd and hocd. No therapists that understands ocd would say anything to make you feel like you’re crazy or belong locked up. I’m hoping to start therapy soon. It’s definitely important to work with a therapist that knows how to treat OCD. You’re brave. Remember that.

Username: Anon.Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I was in a very similar space before I started therapy. Utterly terrified, and having similar thoughts to you. But, to be honest, I was suffering so much, in misery, and was so incredibly hopeless (bordering suicidal), I came to the conclusion what do I have to lose at this point (being so hopeless). It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Over time, with consistency, vulnerability, patience, and willingness, I was able to get some freedom from OCD by working with my therapist and doing ERP. It took time, and there were ups and downs, but my life relative to where it was then is at so much of a higher quality. If I can give any advice, I would say go into that first session being as vulnerable as possible, trust your therapist has your best interest in mind, and try to just have faith it will all work out. And be consistent with ERP on your own! If you’re paying good money, you won’t be getting your moneys worth if your not putting in the work outside of therapy. At least that’s how I tried to look at it. I hope you have a similar experience!

Username: Minde Minde

User type: Staff

Date posted: 1y ago

It is normal to have these fears. I agree, you are incredibly brave for taking this step for yourself and the life you want to live. You got this! And you are definitely not alone!

Username: TXMTXM

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD is the doubting disease. It works by making you endlessly doubt yourself and plague you with “what ifs”. But like Dr. McGrath has said, “OCD always has one more what if.” With that said, people who are true pedophiles, usually aren’t anxious about it. They tend to enjoy their thoughts and feelings. That’s why they do it. You however; are obviously not enjoying it. OCD will go after everything you are sensitive about or close to or enjoy. That’s how it works. You’re not crazy. You have OCD. Therapy will work for you. Be patient, stick with it, and take care of yourself.

Username: flynnyuh

Date posted: 3y ago

Hey so my therapist doesn’t know a lot about ocd and I think I might get a new one but she told me that during this time it’s normal to question “my morals” and now I’m scared I’m actually questioning my morals. I haven’t actually thought any questioning thoughts and now I’m scared that I am. I’m scared that I’m going to be okay with harming people, pedophilia, rape, etc. not to ask for reassurance but this is really hard. I’m constantly scared that I’m going to all of the sudden think those things are okay.

Harm OCD

Username: Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 41w ago

Nervous for therapy.

I start therapy tomorrow again and I'm honestly petrified to discuss my real event OCD. Even tho it happened when I was like 6 and people are telling me I'll be fine, I'm still terrified I did COCSA and I'll be reported for it. My OCD is even telling me people told me it's OK because they think I deserve to be reported. I dont know how to get over the fear. But not talking through it makes it feel worse to.. im so anxious.

Username: Neko_Mancer

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 40w ago

I need help I feel like I’m gonna lose control

I’m so scared I don’t even know if this is OCD at this point. I keep having horrible intrusive thoughts on acting upon my worst fear and the feelings and thoughts are so strong and intense I’m genuinely convinced I might lose control and do something horrible. It feels to real and it’s so constant that I don’t trust myself at all. There are times where it even feels relieving to think about doing something horrible even though it’s the opposite of what I want so feeling like that is so confusing and it’s convincing me I’ve become my worst fear. I’ve been trying everything to avoid anything that brings these thoughts and feelings up because I’m just so scared I’m going to snap and do something horrible. I have therapy soon and I’m really glad about that but I’m scared to tell this to my therapist because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just need to know I’m not the only one who experiences this because I feel like I’ve just gone crazy at this point. I’m so scared that this isn’t OCD.

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About to start therapy and I’m freaking out…

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