Struggling with constant intrusive thoughts and self-doubt about decisions?

Having constant intrusive thoughts is exhausting. They have made me question my relationship, my sexual orientation, if i am a good person, and so much more. It’s weird how they are all connected in a way too. A lot of these thoughts that I have feel so real, and i’m just now learning how to tell the difference between what is true and what is an intrusive thought. but at this point i cannot tell. they all feel real but still make me so uncomfortable. i’m scared i actually feel a certain way, whether that be i don’t actually love my boyfriend, i am actually bisexual or a lesbian, or that i am actually a horrible person and have done horrible things. it’s hard to not believe these things when they are constantly nagging at you. im scared im not with the right person. im scared that im not attracted to him enough, im scared we don’t have enough in common and im scared we don’t think the same way. im scared im supposed to be with someone else and that i am hurting him by lying. and im terrified i am lying about my sexual orientation and using him to deny my true thoughts. im scared i am actually bisexual or lesbian. i think i can accept being bisexual more than being a full blown lesbian, but it’s still scary. im not sure if i am actually bisexual or if i just have intrusive thoughts. and i don’t know what to do from there if i am. if i am bisexual that means to me i have to be with a woman? even though i don’t want to and i’ve never seen myself with a woman. i keep replaying memories with girls and if i showed any signs. and then i get scared that because i was aroused by “specific” porn that it means i am lesbian. all of these things make me feel like a horrible person for treating my boyfriend this way, lying to myself, and for being so confused. it’s exhausting. i don’t even know where to start to get help. im scared that i have had OCD my whole life, and if i have, i’m scared a lot of my feelings and thoughts weren’t even real. im scared when i liked a boy, it was actually my OCD. im scared that when i’ve been attracted to something, it was just my OCD. i don’t know what to do

My OCD kicks very hard this morning. But it's a different topic. A few days ago I had applied for a small job and talked to the people there. In 2 months I will start my modules to finish my studies for my degree. Now I'm in a constant loop thinking about whether I have the capacities to work while studying and it's driving me crazy. Once I think I settled on an opinion, it switches again...so many what ifs "what if you mess up and ruin your studies" "what if you disappoint at this new job or have to quit because it's too much" "what if you don't have the capacities to do both" etc. it all ends in a shamefull or very stressful, catastrophic scenario where I'm a bad person. On the other hand if I deny the job I'm scared I might regret it or it feels like just trying to escape the situation or responsibility

Repost as I’d love to hear if this is normal :( Anyone else get doubt come in thoughts that aren’t ‘what if?’ Mine are and have always been more like ‘what about this?’ ‘What about that?’ ‘How do you explain this then?’ ‘But isn’t that the same as this?’ Never really what if. Almost like my mind is always wanting me to disprove or prove something. Is this just another way to say what if? Are all these doubt questions?