ROCD vs. Legitimate Concerns

You all inspire me greatly and your constant bravery is so encouraging. I’m newer here. My biggest question is - how have you all that deal with ROCD and have had success in managing it, sift through the differences of ROCD thoughts (which drive self sabotage) vs. legitimate concerns in a relationship or partners behavior? Do you find at times ROCD grabs hold of something small or normal in relationship conflict (like white lies from your partner or defensiveness) and blow it up to larger than life indicators that drive your anxiety/ruminations to be incessant? How do you cope? (I just started ERP)

Username: TaraLynC

Date posted: 45d ago

Hi there, I can confirm from what I read from others and what I experience myself that OCD can attach to the most trivial things and make you feel like they are so important/worthy of attention/need to solved. Tiny things like the way your partner says a phrase, the way they wear their hair, one thing that they say can replay and then you might feel the need to tell them, either to confess, seek reassurance or try to fix that problem so that everything is ok. I have found set times for ERP to be difficult, so I try to do it with these kinds of triggers that come up naturally. Although my progress has not been linear, I'm doing a lot better than a year ago. How to cope in the moment is honestly the hardest part. The only thing I found in those moments of extreme anxiety is to make the best effort I can to accept how I feel and realise that feeling like this is ok, I don't need to act on it, I don't need complete certainty. I also remind myself that as I've gotten better this is happening less frequently and even if I can't access the feeling right now, I remind myself that I have often felt fine and this will be no exception. Sometimes you can seek some support from your partner (without seeking reassurance) simply by saying today is a bad day without specifics. Sometimes that can help.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 45d ago

Don’t treat it as ROCD anymore. Remember the problem is not the problem. It’s the reaction to the thoughts or feelings that come from the triggering situations that’s the problem. So what if you have no reaction at all? Obviously this is the easiest thing to say as otherwise OCD would be the easiest monster to beat in the world. However with OCD, you starve it. When the thoughts come that say, “I can’t do that, because I don’t love him/her”, you might say sure, and do it anyway. You’ll maybe feel anxious, dread, or (insert emotion here), however then you realize that you’re paying too much attention to your feelings. You accept them and move on towards what you wanna do. Do this repeatedly. Then as you move on you notice different things are starting to trigger you? That’s a good sign, because that means your OCD is trying to desperately latch on to something else. Treat it the same. Choose a time in the day to give the OCD thought rumination. Give it 10-15 minutes, whatever you’re comfortable with. Right down those thoughts, what they’re saying, then read them out loud. Rate it and do it again. Over time you’ll see that they’re just silly thoughts that have no bearing on reality. It may take time but I’ve gotten to points where I end up laughing about some thoughts that used to drive me mad. Every time I’m gay pops into my head I have a big ol smile and say, “yup the gayest”. The point is there’s no perfect answer for your specific theme or obsession that’s the compulsive behavior at work. When you find yourself looking for that answer stop yourself, agree or be neutral, and direct your attention somewhere you’d rather direct it. Hope that made sense.