The Confusion…

Lately the thoughts haven’t given me anxiety like they used too which is great right, I have moments of peace and freedom. But I’m having an issue where I focus on the amount of saliva in my mouth because I somehow make the connection that it correlates to if I like the thoughts or not. But even if I do worry about it I don’t feel the anxiety. I worry but like not as much? I don’t know if this is normal sometimes I just feel numb and I get scared that means im opening up to the idea of it. Even thought all I ever wanted for myself was to be kind, compassionate, loving. And bring light and joy to the world. But ocd twist my dreams and makes me feel like im a psycho narcissist, and a selfish negative person. I get scared that maybe I am those things or that maybe my ocd isn’t ocd. I’m just tired of this, I think that if I don’t have anxiety that, that means I want to cause harm or do something. The saliva in my mouth has been making me mad because no matter how many times I dry my mouth or drink water it comes back and maybe it’s just normal but I get scared that it means something especially since people say their mouth waters when seeing something delicious. I’m just scared idk. Anyone else go through a not feeling period?