dee012

Date posted: 2y

convinced im evil

im just convinced im an evil person because of my” ocd” and i put it in quotes because ive been diagnosed with it but it feels so real. all my themes are sexual in some way, always having groinal responses, and sometimes it feels like i enjoy these thoughts or want these things to happen. my POCD use to be really bad and now it’s not but im still convinced im some evil p***. the theme has switched from POCD to incest ocd about my mother, due to past trauma. i feel like im stuck this way forever. i can’t even enjoy sexual time by myself anymore without being plagued by these thoughts. i just want to go sleep forever. im only a teenager and i feel like my life is ruined. there are things from my past that i have done that are unusual and or disturbing due to hypersexuality, so that also makes me feel like all in all im just a weirdo. i wish this would stop.

nickel_5

Date posted: 2y

So just an fyi groinal responses or being sexually aroused can happen due to your heightened anxiety and fear state. So in other words your body is reacting to the anxiety and becoming aroused by the anxiety, NOT the thought

nickel_5

Date posted: 2y

@nickel_5 But you won’t be like this forever ocd is usually really respondent to treatment with therapy and/or medication. I would recommend trying to see a mental health professional that specializes in ocd, it will make a world of difference

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@nickel_5 i do have a therapist on here, but she doesn’t know how to go about treatment for the incest themed ocd, since it stems from trauma. my main therapist wants me to go on medicine, anafranil, for the ocd, im scared of meds

nickel_5

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 Hm interesting for your therapist not to know that, ptsd can trigger ocd for many many people, do you think your therapist is the right one for you? Or do you think you might want to find someone more informed on the treatment you need?

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@nickel_5 ive been thinking i need a new one, but ive been with her for so long, scared to start over, and i feel bad :( i also feel like im unfixable

nickel_5

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 Omg no def not unfixable, honestly it sometimes takes a minute to find a therapist you not only vibe with but also knows how to treat your trauma/mental illness but I would maybe suggest looking for someone else. Also I know you said you don’t want medication, but medication can help a TON especially when paired with therapy.

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@nickel_5 yes im willing to try meds, just had bad experiences with them. idk how to break it to my therapist it makes me feel sad that i want a new one

nickel_5

Date posted: 2y

@cs223 What meds have you tried? And that’s totally normal, it’s okay to need a moment to process it

aretousa

Date posted: 2y

@nickel_5 Thank you for that omg, that makes so much sense

snizzysnazz

Date posted: 2y

I’m in my early 30s, but I have almost the exact same problems. I actually gasped a little due to it being so similar. You’re not alone, and you are NOT at fault, in the slightest.

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@snizzysnazz thank you, i wish u the best ur words mean alot

essence2

Date posted: 2y

I feel this exact way and I’m also a teenager. Some things in my past also disturb me and fuel the intrusive thoughts. But try to remember that when you have ocd, since the thoughts are stuck in your head, your brain will relate anything to it to try to blame you for things. You’re not alone, I’m sorry your in a place like this rn and I hope this will pass soon for you. You got this

dee012

Date posted: 2y

@essence2 thank you for ur kind words it means a lot. it’s hard to move on from past stuff, bc it actually happened u know? i wish u the best

dee012

Date posted: 25w

Feels like idk myself:(

A little sad and down. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I grew up with trauma, made mistakes, dealt and still deal with hyper sexuality, and my ocd is so bad. All of this makes me feel tainted, like a weird bad person. I hate being around people and even talking to therapist bc I feel like ive successfully fooled them. Also, I recently saw a POCD hate train on TikTok so now I just feel like a fraud. I get all these thoughts and feelings that im just using ocd as a mask because I actually am a bad person.. and that im some sicko or something, and also my brain tells me and I go back and forth with myself about “oh you just have morals because you don’t want to be shunned from society, and if you were to have no rules you would do disturbing things” and I know I wouldn’t, because I have morals now that are ingraved into me…I just want a normal life. I just want to feel normal. I tend to feel useless in this world, when I really want to do good things but I feel tainted and like I taint this world. I try not to let this consume me but it’s hard.. If you read this thank you. I know I am just in a funk right now but sometimes I wonder if it will be a forever funk… or that I need to “accept” im a bad person so that I can move on… which I won’t bc even if I am (maybe maybe not… I will never know with ocd) I wouldn’t want to be.

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

dee012

Date posted: 22w

anyone else?

maybe a therapist can respond or anyone who relates and experiences this also?? im trying to make sense . ever since ocd started, specifically harm ocd and pocd, sexual themes ocd in general, my brain makes everything sexual or gross. or just makes inappropriate connections with quite literally anything. or any person I see I wonder if they are a p, or if they are “like me”, because im fully convinced at times that im some weird or bad person, and then when i see actual criminals etc i cant help but compare myself to them it’s so weird?????? or sometimes I feel like i cant judge a p because im no different than them?? idk its so weird. rn writing this ik im not a p like what im just struggling with really bad ocd and trauma I hope :( It’s just my brain distorts everything and then it makes me feel worse, like “ur an actual p or pervert because see??? ur brain is sexualizing everything?” hopefully this makes sense

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