- Date posted
- 2y
Idk Who I Am
I don’t feel like me right now, I feel like a version of me that’s software updating and is stuck at 25%. I’m scared I’m a monster and I’m scared that I’m not scared of being a monster. I feel blank, numb, tv static. I have moments of joy and peace. I’ve been able to enjoy some moments of my days. But I feel like I’m in an endless cycle. Of being fine and not being fine. Being numb and feeling a wave of tons of emotions. My life is so chaotic and I feel so on edge sometimes. I feel like I don’t react the way I should to certain things. Or I get scared of smiling or laughing at situations that are not appropriate. OCD has twisted how I see myself. I hear myself in my head say mean things to people about weight or race things they have no control over and it makes me feel guilty cause I’ve never judged anyone for who they are or what their race is. I don’t want to be evil. I want to be a light that helps guide others. I want to help people to seek me out for help. And I want to live every moment of my life being a light. OCD twist this idea in my mind if me wanting to be evil. And in no way do I want to be evil. Hopefully this feeling comes to pass. I have faith that this will fade and I’ll come out even stronger than the weak punching bag I was for OCD. I just feel so blank. Empty, scared, like a liminal space that feeling where you feel 100% alone. Im just confused.