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So I’m new here so just let me know if I say or do anything wrong. I’m nervous to share this because it’s been terrible thinking this way and I always thought something was wrong with me. I’m constantly thinking I’ll do sexual harm towards someone so I isolate myself and I make sure to NEVER watch kids with just me. I feel like a sick sick person who deserves to die for thinking and feeling this way. My thoughts make me think sexually about anyone in the room no matter how hard I try to think of something, anything, else. It is horrible. Is there anyone else who experiences this or someone who can give advice?

optimism

Date posted: 2y

Ya I had a suicide attempt over feeling like I wanted to die over the same Thoughts so get help before it turns out wrong

XANDRIMICHELE

Date posted: 2y

@optimism Idk I don’t want anyone knowing

Tavio

Date posted: 2y

Hey, i know that talking about these topics can be really scary sometimes, even in chats like these, but look, you're talking about it and reaching out for help, i believe that that's something to really be proud of! I can relate to some of those feelings you described, i really do, but we can't forget that we're not your thoughts, even though they may seen pretty real sometimes. You're not a monster and things will get easier eventually, i really believe so. But then, again, as scary as it may sounds, it's needed to say that it is always very important to seek help of a therapist or any OCD specialists if you're able to, it can really change your life and the way you see things, but that's a process, and a hope things get better and you can think about it Hope you feel welcomed in here!

XANDRIMICHELE

Date posted: 2y

@Tavio But I’m not diagnosed with OCD so maybe I don’t have it and really I’m a bad person. I feel like a fraud here for not being diagnosed but I don’t want to dump all my mental illnesses on my family.

Tavio

Date posted: 2y

@XANDRIMICHELE If these feelings bother you, if they make you suffer and feel bad about yourself at all, then they don't speak for you, and you're not a fraud, nor the bad person you may sometimes believe to be. That's the point of intrusive thoughts, they're intrusive, compulsive and not wanted. I am diagnosed, but i still feel like a fraud almost everyday, and i guess that's part of the process. I will give a trigger warning, sorry for getting way too personal, but it's just for the sake of context. I was abused as a child, so imagine the terrible surprise of growing up with pocd. Among all other obsessive compulsive behaviors i also grew up with pocd has always been by far the scariest one, precisely because it seems too real at times, and even if any of these thoughts enter the field of paraphilia somehow they are still intrusive and will never represent a real intention. These are precisely the things that should be treated with a specialized therapist, if possible. The greater danger of keeping it all to yourself is to you than to anyone else, and you deserve to be heard, I promise. The symptoms you described really does seems like OCD, i also always try my best to not be around children and when i can't avoid it i just want to get out. I don't know what else to say, just, you're not the only one, and you're not a bad person because of your thoughts, allright?

XANDRIMICHELE

Date posted: 2y

@Tavio Thank you honestly. I was also abused as a child and only recently did it stop. But all that you said has helped but I do believe in order for me to want to get help, I need to face the fact that I need to tell someone but I’m not ready for that yet. And I want to get diagnosed but I do believe I have other mental illnesses but I don’t want to have to go get them all identified especially because my mom doesn’t want me too.

Tavio

Date posted: 2y

@XANDRIMICHELE It's my pleasure. Talking about these things can really help me sometimes, and i guess i was in the middle of a crisis before chatting with you, so it helped me calm down a bit. Thank you :) It is okay and completely understendable not being ready yet, and i'm really sorry for the whole situation you're in. But i do believe that you're on the right track just by trying to understand it. It's important to not forget the importance of delving into these issues, but it's also important to take your time. And another thing, I don't know if you've ever been to therapy before, but what I like most is the fact that these topics can be addressed whenever we want, you can always talk about other less touchy subjects or not talk about the ocd things at all if you don't feel like it, it's up to you. At least all my experiences in therapy were like this, so i never felt rushed to talk about things i wasn't prepared. That was also a big fear of mine Really hope things get okay, i'm going to bed, but feel free to send another message here anytime and i will do my best to answer it. Good night friend :)

XANDRIMICHELE

Date posted: 2y

@Tavio Thank you so much and I’m glad I could help even just a bit. Yea I’ve been to therapy a few times a while ago and am currently getting another one and yes it helpful and I like it. Goodnight and it was nice talking to you to! I don’t know how this app works but I’d love to become friends and talk through dms if you want.

optimism

Date posted: 2y

Then your headed down the same path I was hate to say it

lemon tears

Date posted: 25w

Anyone suffer from kink related sexual ocd?

(25f have always felt I was hetero) I feel like my experience is uncommon and it makes me feel like the world is crashing down. I used to privately act on a kink that’s extremely uncommon, an involuntary thing people do everyday. It was a kink that was NEVER in the real world. I’d act on it every now and then through erotica or when I was younger, videos…then at some point grew an awareness that this was weird and only stuck to erotica. When people did this involuntary act irl I would be grosses out, annoyed, feel nothing or would have this little thought in the background that “ew germs”. Especially my parents I was often annoyed when they did it. For the past 8 months I’ve continuously have feared what my sexual feelings are towards family, friends and children when they do this act that I used to have a kink towards. I had the thought “well I don’t think I really want this kink in this new relationship” then I thought “wait…am I acknowledging this is a real thing for me? If so what does that say about this kink happening in the real world? Are you attracted to anyone doing the act? What about children? Or mom?!” Especially my mom, I fear what I will feel if she does this involuntary act and that I may at some point give in and feel inappropriate feelings towards her/pleasure myself to her doing the act. It’s so bad that I will mentally create scenarios of her and others doing the kink in the exact sexual ways that turned me on to see if it will arouse me. I worry that being annoyed towards my parents, especially my mom doing this act in the past was because I was in denial and was masking that it actually turned me on. You can’t ever fully get rid of kinks and although I don’t act on this one anymore…I worry and fear that bc I haven’t acted on it, it’s attaching to family, friends and even children in the way of fantasies and that the only reason I feel despair, shame, guilt, disgust and fear is only because of what others would think of me. Not what I actually think. In the beginning I was so filled with disgust, guilt, shame and fear that I ran away from home then admitted myself to a psych ward last summer hoping it would help (plot twist, didn’t.) I’m suicidal, I cry multiple times a day. Every thought I have I don’t trust and worry what they actually mean. Every thought of any kind. My mom and I used to be so so so close. She was my best friend and I avoid her a lot now because I fear I have a sexual disorder and am uncontrollably attracted to her. I miss her much I’m crying while typing this. My mom has only done the involuntary act around me a few times in the past 8 months and each time the arousal was so strong I felt like I was dissociating with how horrible my life has become. The worst part is…the arousal itself feels really good compared to the arousal I get around my bf…except with him I don’t feel extreme anxiety and despair when I’m aroused. I have so many other thoughts too and it makes it so hard to be in the moment and enjoy my bf, family and friends. I feel like a monster…

Youactlikeyo...

Date posted: 21w

Is this apart of ocd?

Hi I just have a few questions! (Im 14 btw) Okay so basically I’m really worried I’ll become a pedo/I already am and I don’t know it yet. I’m also really scared if I SA someone, even tho I don’t want to and I’d never do something like that but I feel like this part of me is saying that I will and it’s really scaring me. I feel so alone and I’m so scared I’m a bad person on the inside and this isn’t ocd and I’m gonna unleash hell on this earth I’m so scared. I’ll get a thought like if I’m walking past someone random it will be like “What if you sa them?” And it scares me so bad I feel horrible for thinking that. Is this apart of it? I feel like I’m always fixated on the topic of sa to check if I would do something like that, I don’t know anymore I just feel like a bad person (btw I have not done anything like that to anyone!)

Lulu~

Date posted: 20w

Someone please help me right now

I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary

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