I need to know if someone else experience this because I think this may be the root of some of my ocd themes. So basically even when I don't really have a theme going on I get intrusive thoughts of different topics. For example if I'm reading an article about a person with ADHD my mind tells that maybe I have adhd and because if I had I'd be different, and it feels like I want to even though I don't do because I know how destressing it is to live with such disorders and who would ever want to develop a disorder like that. I get intrusive thoughts like about illnesses, identities and other things and my mind says that I have to have those things because they would make me different and my mind wanted me to be different in that way. And it felt like I wanted those things even tho I know how terrible they affect people and didn't really wanted to have them. Now it tells me the same thing about gender and sexuality that I have to be different in that way while I don't and it's causing me hocd right now. I guess this is my final answer but I wanted to know if somebody else experienced something like this. Like sometimes I get depressive episodes because of my anxiety and ocd but once I became obsessed with the idea of having chronic severe depression and I got so anxious but then felt relieved when I didn't but then my intrusive thoughts would pop up here and there

Sounds like me

Really? Do you get the same type of thoughts?

Yeah I have intrusive thoughts about sexuality and gender all the time and I've had those adhd and depression thoughts too!

Do they feel actually real to you? Do you feel it's because your mind tells you you want to be "different"?

Yes they feel very real it's scary and yes

I've tried to accept the uncertainty but now my mind is like "oh you accepted this" and it feels like it's want I want and that I'm capable of doing and it feel very real but whenever the possibility is brought up I feel very distressed and I feel all kind of weird sensations like blood rushing to my head and the urge of holding on the closest thing as if I am on a roller coaster

Exactly, I even tried to use some labels but it just freaked me out even more. I even got a thought about being attracted by myself and I said that's it, this is ridiculous but it's so constant and it feels so real. Before I wouldn't even think about these things but I can't even recall how I felt before hocd hit

I can’t relate to the wanting to be ‘different’ part, but anytime I read something about any disorder or illness I get a spike in anxiety and OCD loves that! My brain will cling right onto the idea of possibly having adhd, schizophrenia, bpd, literally any mental illness you could think of, I’ve pondered if I could have it. Is it possible that you hate your ocd so much that’s why you want to be different?

No, because it's not like I want to be different, my thoughts are "you have to be /have x cause then you'd be different". I don't want to,but that's what my thoughts always brings up. Fear of developing illnesses is pretty common in ocd, but because I've recently realized that all my obsessions circle around that thought that I may have found the root of my problem. It's the only thing that soothe my current theme

Oh, I see. The thing about discovering the root of your problem, is that you have ocd, so your brain isn’t functioning exactly as it should. When you think you’ve found an answer, naturally ocd will find a way to make you question even the root.

Omg same like if i try to accept the thoughts my mind says that it means it's really true or i want it to be true or it comes true so i just can't accept it ugh ocd sucks

@notfortalk omg I've had the same thought that what if I'm attracted to myself too! Actually i have that thought at the moment and It's literally freaking me out beacause I'm in a relationship