Being Triggered Feels Safe?
Something triggered my ROCD really badly. It put me in a state where I feel defensive against anyone and everything and feel ready to lash out at the slightest provocation (I haven't and I won't, but I feel ready to). Feeling this way makes me feel safe in a weird way though. Does anyone else have this?
Yes. Of course. The entire point of ROCD seems to be as some kind of misguided protection mechanism (at least in my case). The problem is that ROCD - untreated - wrecks my ability to be close to someone. It’s a horrible type of ‘safety’.
I understand where you’re coming from. Fear exists to keep us safe from danger. By being overly cautious, our brains feel like they’re keeping us safe from a potential threat. OCD loves fear because it gives us a sense of certainty. For me, it gives me a sense of control over what can/can’t hurt me. It’s the idea that others can’t hurt me if I do it to myself first. Our brains tell us this is what’ll keep us safe, but it’s also holding us back. Fear might make you feel safe/in control, but it may also make you miss out on something wonderful. Uncertainty is scary. Admitting that is progress though. I believe in you!
Is it truly safety OR is it something you’re used to? There’s a big difference.
When we teach our brain that chaos and rage is the normal state, then yes, this might become a place of comfort. This also has to do with role models (parents etc). If you grew up in an environment that wasn't safe but always chaotic or emotionally draining than paradoxically this becomes something that seems "safe", even though it's actually a bad coping mechanism you acquired in childhood. But as adults we can chose another way and abandon the mechanisms that don't help anymore. I think this is not primarily related to OCD but mental health issues in general
@ROCDmensch That makes sense. I had a violent father and a home situation that felt ‘unsafe’. I think I always expect to be ‘unsafe’ in any relationship. And the more I like someone the more at danger I feel.
@alexnapierholland It's a first step to realise that through biographical events you gained irrational beliefs like the one you just wrote. Think of it as an outdated belief "I am always unsafe in relationships" and then imagine this thought outside yourself. This thought didn't come from within you, someone teached it or said it indirectly to you. Give this voice a name. It might be the avoiding guardian that tries to safe you from scary situations. You fall back into childhood behaviour. Whenever this happens imagine this person/voice and tell them "I know, you just want to keep me safe and as a child you did..but now I am an adult and you don't help me anymore. I want to live my life and have a relationship. You are obsolete and I now have new beliefs". I learned that in schema therapy, which is a form of behavioural therapy. It doesn't target OCD, but it is helpful for self esteem and when you deal with a mean inner voice.
@ROCDmensch Thanks! We have identified that I have low self-esteem (although high self-confidence) in therapy - and this low self-esteem definitely interacts with my OCD. I find it hard to distance myself from the feeling of being unsafe in relationships. There is a clear sense of resistance to overcoming that idea. But I’ve screenshotted your helpful advice!
@alexnapierholland You know, I have had the same issue in relationships before. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost a year and I can tell you it really was a journey and still is at times. There have been times where I fought my own happiness because it's scary to enter this healthy, calm state. At first you don't trust it and you ask yourself "what is hiding around the corner? What will go wrong soon?". But when you are honest with yourself, when you work on yourself and when you want to become better, it will happen. Some things just need time and healing is a process. You don't expect your bones to grow together in a day or a week after you broke them. And it's the same with our attachment style, our trust in us and others. We need to give ourselves time, on step after the other...
@ROCDmensch Thanks! I did several years of talk therapy in my late twenties - which helped with the trauma. But the OCD was only recently identified. And it has this ability to generate fresh issues. I’m only a couple of weeks into ERP. It’s pretty intense but I can feel some kind of ‘shifts’ occurring - although I’m certainly not out of the woods yet.
Hi, I need an advice, I can't trigger myself! I want to do ERP but Everytime I try to trigger myself I feel nothing so it won't work. On the other side OCD triggers me outside of my ERP and I react wrong to it. Has anyone an Idea how to trigger myself properly, or should I wait for OCD to come? But how can I be prepared for it?
has anyone else done this? today i got presented with one of my triggers, but when i first saw it i didn’t immediately feel the feeling i’d grown to associate with being triggered. normally had i been confronted by my trigger, i’d get a pit-like feeling in my stomach, heart racing, anger, and dissociation. today i looked at it and thought “huh, i don’t really feel triggered, but i know i should be. should i be mad at this?” the nature of my trigger is one that concerns my relationship, and this is where i made a mistake. i told my partner, “i can’t decide if i should be mad about this or not.” and that opened the flood gates to a 2hr long conversation surrounding my obsession and triggers. i feel really bad for not taking the opportunity to disengage from my habitual response. i didn’t feel triggered initially, but i triggered myself out of habit, because i “should” be triggered. i feel like recently my ocd has been dying off, at least this particular obsession. i haven’t really been doing any of my compulsions, and it’s not on my mind as often. regardless, i’m still really scared to accept that it is what it is and it’ll always be there. when given the opportunity to disengage or stay, i chose to stay. i hate that i did that. it felt like an aha moment, though. maybe this was necessary. a fight with my partner over something i chose to be upset about because it has historically been upsetting. do you ever feel like your ocd tries to get your attention even more when it’s dying off? how do you proceed without reaffirming the ocd when presented with a circumstance like this one? do you ever trigger yourself out of habit rather than because it really strongly bugs you ?
I'm starting to think that certain of my trauma struggles are turning into OCD. I have such a fear of people saying good/kind things to me. I associate it with what happened to me as a kid, where I was told good things and later told that those good things weren't really true, that people were telling me what I wanted to hear. So now I feel like I have to be harsh with myself in order to be "safe" from hearing later that the nice things were a lie. Basically avoiding something normal or good out of fear that something bad will happen like it did in the past. I know this involves trauma, but is there an OCD component to it that could be helped by treating it as OCD?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
