- Date posted
- 2y ago
Toxic relationships
Has anyone else been in a toxic relationship or suffered from narcissistic emotional abuse and your OCD got so much worse?
Has anyone else been in a toxic relationship or suffered from narcissistic emotional abuse and your OCD got so much worse?
Absolutely. I felt like i was qbout to have a mental breakdown. I only dated the guy for a month and i was ready to go to the loony bin. All the gaslighting and manipulation always makes you doubt yourself and so it makes it so much worse. My advice would be to leave, usually even with rocd you can logically see their treatment of you isnt good, it took a lot of bravery for me to take that chance bc i doubted myself that the whole thing was just in my head (like he said it was) but im so glad i did.
Gaslighting + OCD is such a bad combo, I feel like it hits us way harder since our disorder feeds on doubt
@Neutrino Agreed
@Neutrino 100%.
I relate to this post so much. Was in a relationship with a narcissist and after we broke up it took me two years to start feeling better. My OCD was so bad when I was with him because he would constantly gaslight me (tell me my feelings weren't valid, tell me things never happened the way they did) and every day was an emotional roller coaster. If you are still in that relationship then LEAVE ASAP! Narcissists will destroy every part of you. Wishing you the best!
@Anonymous I left last July. He moved on right away. But of course since then, he sends me messages all the time about how he loves me and misses me and doesn’t love his girlfriend. I’ve tried blocking him but he always finds a way to message. I feel like it just keeps making the OCD worse.
@Catlove9 What’s coming up for your OCD with him contacting you?
@Razz14 It’s hard to explain. I feel like it’s just triggering. Because it gives me anxiety so when I get anxiety, my intrusive thoughts run crazy.
@Catlove9 - Of course he moved on quickly. Narcissists always need to have "supply". If you keep answering him, you'll continue to be his "supply". The only way is to go no contact. Do not speak to him. Do not engage with him in any way. This can feel torturous, but you know that he'll hurt you again. He won't change, but you can change what you do from here.
@Catlove9 Yeah that sucks. I had a similar experience and the doubt was intense. He kept trying to maintain contact but I had to stop responding also I told him he was the problem which no narcissist wants to hear.
@Razz14 I have tried no contact but I always cave. I will keep trying
I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond