Disgust towards girlfriend due to her past.

@Anonymous Yea I think that’s part of my issue. I legitimately do have values where I don’t find high body count is attractive but it is definitely ocd as well. I am obsessing over what my ‘actual’ values are and whether or not I find it attractive. The thoughts of her having sex with all of these people is very intrusive but I think I would still have intrusive thoughts about past partners even if she had a ‘low’ body count. It’s tough because ocd and real life are mixed and I’m struggling to see the difference. I think it’s something I could overlook but my ocd is afraid I can’t. I want to give myself time to work through the ocd before making a decision

@henrycoop Ohhhh got it!! Yes sometimes it’s difficult to differentiate between ocd & what we actually want, tell me about it😩 I would say don’t rely too much on the feeling of ‘certainty’ in order to be certain about making a decision. Sometimes our feelings don’t always match up to actually what we want lol, whether you have ocd or not, and that’s ok. Imagine your future, can you see her in it still?

@Anonymous Yea I can definitely see a future with her. While I’ve been with her she is such a good partner and I found her so cute and attractive. Our personalities vibe very well and we have great chemistry, personally and sexually. I just worry that I won’t be able to look past this but because she’s so cool I want to try. If I can’t get over this then I don’t want to torture myself to be with her if it just means I always think of her sleeping with a bunch of dudes in the past. I’ve found different minor things about her appearance before that I’ve obsessed about and have been able to overcome. I’m hoping it’s just like those obsessions, like sure I’d prefer if it was different, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find her attractive and be with her anyway.

@Anonymous Also thank you so much for your responses!

@henrycoop How long have u guys been together?

@Anonymous About 6 months. I’ve been struggling with ROCD since the first month, got diagnosed and started treatment 3 months ago. Was making progress and feeling much better and then this came along as my first major spike since starting therapy.

@henrycoop Got it. So 6 months is quite a bit of time in your 20s. I obviously don’t really know you or your relationship, so pleaseeeee take what I say with a grain of salt haha😅….. buttttt I feel like u probably don’t want to end the relationship over something like this. As someone who shares similar values, sure we both can agree it sucks knowing the new info, however when you’re this deep in and have developed such strong feelings for her, it’s really up to you to decide if this is really worth breaking up over. But based on what you’re saying, it sounds like you don’t really want to break up with her, which is why you’re posting this on NOCD, bc u prolly know this is ‘possibly’ intrusive thoughts/ocd about the situation. HOWEVER Give it time. All relationships have hurdles, and you DESERVE to think about this (But I have strong feeling your going to make it through just fine💜)

@Anonymous Thank you so much for the advice. I know it’s kind of reassurance seeking to read this, but to hear this from someone else’s perspective that understands is very helpful. While it does suck to hear for my legitimate value reasons, I know there’s also ocd around it and am committed to sticking it out for awhile. I really appreciate you taking the time to chat with me, thanks stranger ❤️

@Mariii Thanks for responding. Im not sure I don’t have any particular trauma in my past but I do think my ocd is attached to sex and intimacy because I am in my late 20s and she was my first. I am not judging or shaming her for it, everyone gets to live their life how they want and that’s fine with me. I just don’t think I find it attractive to know she has so many memories of sleeping with different people and I don’t think I want to be with someone that does

@henrycoop Yeah i get it, ocd can latch onto anything, but my only advice is to sit with the uncertainty and discomfort when thoughts like these flood in And try communicating with her

@henrycoop Also ocd probably latched onto it because is your first

@Mariii Bc shes your first*

@Mike815 Hey Mike sorry to hear that. I ended up somewhat getting through this theme via erp, but ended up breaking up with her due to long distance and wanting to date around myself. However, it was only by working through this ocd theme that I had some clarity around what I wanted to do. I decided to end it not because of what my ocd was telling me, but because of my actual values. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this theme. My only advice is to treat it like any other ocd theme of accepting the feelings, avoiding compulsions and doing ERP.