Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

Sorta Story Tine

Tomorrow is the day… I was able to get in with a therapist tomorrow and this time around.. i told myself this time around that I am going to give treatment 100% of my effort. As someone who has struggled for the last 6 years.. i think it’s time i do myself some justice. PART of my rumination has gone back to remembering thoughts I’ve had from when i was either 11/12 and onward to the current age I am today (26). It’s almost like yesterday I remember the very first intrusive thought i had was “what if i was gay”. And ever since that day it has come and gone but when OCD spiked… it was around 20 years old.. I know we have a lot of different people in this forum, id be lying if i said i wasn’t nervous, but I’m tired of having “I’m gay” play over and over in my head until i believe it. It’s exhausting For those that have this theme, or any theme for that matter. Do yourself the favor, and try and seek help. Mental health is no joke. It’s taken a lot from me since college. It’s deterred me away from people, experiences. Hell it takes away from my currently relationship now with the women i will probably marry. This will be the last post I make on here, unless it’s my recovery story. I’ve been close, but this time. We are going straight to the source and facing it head on. If anyone needs a friend. I’m always here as well. My heart is out there with all of you struggling 🫡

…………….

Date posted: 2y

Get it done though brother, talk to your therapist and be honest. Hear them when they are telling you something, think of your thoughts rationally and don’t allow yourself to doubt..you’ll get it !

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@m3322o Ooof that’s the hard part. All coping skills go out the window. Heading the same freakin thing everyday is 😅

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Congrats! I hope all goes well tomorrow! I can definitely relate to you; SO-OCD took a lot from me as well and it feels like a never ending battle. I never expected my life fall apart from a single thought but unfortunately, here we are 💀

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@blazed I appreciate that! What’s funny.. at least to me.. i had these thoughts (well back then not nearly as bad as the last 6 years) and. It didn’t like ruin me ?😂 i still had girlfriends, no thoughts hardly. Just weird how powerful the brain is

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F I feel you 😭 I only had this theme for a year but my other themes were never as bad. I had a boyfriend a few years back and now my brain tries so hard to convince me I didn’t like him, but I definitely I did 🥲

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@blazed Sounds like a blend of ROCD in there as well 😂😂 that’s a fun one

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Forgive me for jumping in, but I know the “I feel like I’m lying” feeling lol Not the best. And the disinterest in my lady is there too

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Not jumpin in at all! Welcome to the club lol Jokes aside, it’s good to know others relate and that we have support! 💪

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Serio bro. I doubt everything now. Don’t know what I want at times lol But hanging in there. I’ve been doing ERP and trying my best.

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous I get it brother! It sucks so much sometimes but the more you work through it and realize OCD will do anything to convince you, you’ll see some light 💪

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

I have a very similar story! You got this 💪

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Oh dude, i remember way ago i thought someone was “attractive” or whatever, and that haunts me to do this day 😂 this theme is atrocious

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO “Evidence” we can call it 😂

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F Literally same exact story for me😂

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Some days I can laugh it off other days it feels so real and will pull any “evidence” from the past

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO “Did we just become best friends” “Yup”

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F 😂 let’s go! Good luck tomorrow! 💪

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Are you in therapy?

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F Yes! I’ve done 2 sessions of ERP and it seems to be helping, just takes time

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Nice man! Any advice?

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F I think it’s important to trust your therapist and do the homework they assign

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Appreciate it man, glad to meet someone similar to me 😂

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F Yeah same! 💪💪

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

All good. Tomorrow is a game changer for you.

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Hopefully so! NOCD was great before, hopefully this time I really absorb the info and skills

…………….

Date posted: 2y

Hope the best for you my man, I hope you achieve what you set out for. I love the confidence in trying hard, I feel like it’s what’s lacking for people who haven’t seen any sort of improvement. I’ve probably had ocd my whole life but 2 years ago is when it effected my life severely. started with SOCD and has added some during its war path lol. But I’ve realized how much of my ocd is just fear, and repetition of attempting to please or relive that fear. It’s so simple when you finally dilute the anxiety with confidence. Anyways, I just want to say that I’m not sure that the thoughts go away but the reactions do. To put it simply, my dream of total recovery is to have any thought I have currently that can “trigger me” and respond like I used to before I experienced ocd to its full potential.

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@m3322o I appreciate the kind words bro, i think I’ve had all the thoughts associated with this theme and more some.. my worst compulsion is what i mentioned above. Ruminating to actual thoughts I’ve had.. it’s very hard. Anything lbgtq got to me .. i think goal of therapy is to be un phased by it. It wasn’t always a problem . So we shall sed

🫧🩷🪷

Date posted: 2y

Good luck moving forward 🍀

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@feelslikeionlygobackwards Appreciate the kind words!!

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

How did your first session go?

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Was interesting def targeted toward ERP with cbt/mindfulness in the background I think it’ll be good.. i felt like a liar the whole time. Nothing crazy yet, however we will be seeing each other twice a week Current thoughts are the “disinterest” in intimacy with my lady, and also “feeling” I’m the other orientation More to follow, how are you doing broski

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F I know exactly how you feel lol it’s insane how similar our symptoms are, I’ve struggled with intimacy for awhile now which makes it all feel so much more real Today started out tough but I’m feeling good now! Hoping to continue the wave into tomorrow 💪

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@BREKO Well hey man, it’s important (least to me) to have support and friends who understand this weird demented thing Insta is mike.fedelim

BREKO

Date posted: 2y

@Michael F Same here! Dropped you a follow!

davidluncefo...

Date posted: 2y

Good luck bro

Mike_Fed

Date posted: 2y

@davidlunceford10 Appreciate it bro! Still have much to learn again but optimistic

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