Question, it might not be because of rocd or idk but I’ve noticed how whenever I have a somewhat bad argument with my partner I say then let’s just break up, when in reality I don’t want that, but I always seem to think thats a solution.
I know this feels so hard, especially at the moment that you are experiencing it. But try and remember that discomfort and anxiety are just feelings, like any other feelings. Anxiety, in and of itself, is not “bad”—it can even be very important when it works properly. It can teach us what might not be safe. Discomfort helps us to learn, to decipher what we value, what we want, and what we would like to avoid. The problem is that when you have OCD- this alarm system is faulty- it goes off when there is actually no danger or threat leaving you with the exact same feelings- leading you to want to get rid of or neutralize the 'threat'. But there is not an actual threat when it is OCD. I think it is so important no to engage with unwanted and intrusive thoughts- they can be present, they can hang out and you can still choose to keep living your life, in spite of the thoughts.
@NOCD Therapist - Stacy Q. Yes, totally agree. I just feel like I’ve let these thoughts control my life. Day and night, I only feel at peace when I’m sleeping but even before going to sleep, I be scared to go to sleep and not wake up again. Being so desperate for things to go back to “normal” but my OCD, anxiety, depression make it very hard, constantly stuck in the past, and so scared for the future. It even makes me anxious to think about the future, like what if i dont want to be with him, or we are not compatible, or what if i dont see myself with him, and sometimes it comes as “facts” like i know for sure i dont want any of that with him and i start freaking out.
Hi I’m sorry 😞. All I can think of is that OCD wants relief from anxiety ASAP and thinks breaking up will give us that, when we really want to work through the problems and be happy with the person we are with!
@hellopeople I totally agree, that’s what i think. I believe i’ll experience relief, but it’s just in the moment, when deep down i know i want to be with him and work through this
I think this OCD trying to avoid discomfort. Practice staying in the relationship in face of these thoughts, I am actually trying this right now!
@OneDayAtATime Wow thanks, it’s really hard. I get so anxious, specially whenever we are going to cuddle etc and then i believe like there must be something wrong if im feeling like this. Today even while experiencing anxiety and having those thoughts about me probably being depressed my entire life, I still hugged him, and felt “safe” but still anxious, but I need to understand it’s baby steps. I avoid the feeling of being triggered, like i avoid being intimate because i anticipate me having rocd or soocd thoughts…. Or even my bf, he makes me anxious for no apparent reason, sometimes it can be a little thing. But i’m still trying to find light at the end of the tunnel🫶🏼
Might be a compulsion. You’re anxious and escalated so it’s a form of checking that your relationship (what’s important to you) is still okay
I do the same thing, I don’t know why I do it either.
@ferretsandlizards I really don’t know, it’ll probably have to do with stuff from way back, like childhood, your parents etc. Most of it it’s always connected. But I don’t want to be like that anymore, I can’t imagine how i would feel if my partner tells me to leave him whenever we argue. I want to be better, and change that 🫶🏼
@Anonimo05 Yeah all of my rocd is from trauma it really sucks. What helped me a lot is when I told my bf I wanted to break up we actually did and he left and only then did I fully realize I didn’t want that and then I haven’t done that for awhile now. It’s like your brain is tricking you into something you don’t want it really sucks
@ferretsandlizards Omg that happened to us too, we broke up but not even a day passed. And i was like no wth!!! It is very tricky and debilitating as well, i just get sad i know im not being the person i use to be, or showing him love, etc being present. When i know he misses all that. And today he expressed that to me, and i got triggered because i feel so use to being like this, and feel stuck.
@Anonimo05 I know it can be really hard and frustrating, I’m sorry you have to deal with it too :/ my relationship has been so difficult because of my ocd it really sucks, but all we can do is try our best you know.
Hi there - are you currently in therapy for OCD?
@MK30 Hi, not really. I take therapy for childhood issues, relationship etc. But not OCD yet, I used to. But had to stop due to the price since I have to pay out of pocket. It’s really confusing because I know I need help with my OCD but at the same time I’m trying to heal from past mistakes, parent issues, childhood, self-esteem etc so by taking therapy for that, I know I still need help with my OCD. Since in regular CBT therapy it can be seen as oh you are just anxious or overthinking, or replace the thought with a good thought.
@Anonimo05 I understand. It can be very tricky. Maybe the next time you and your partner get into an argument, maybe go into another room for a moment instead of suggesting no longer being together. This might be something your therapist would have better insight with.
@MK30 Thank you so much.
So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months but seriously talking for around 8. I have never met anyone so perfect and amazing. I love him so much. Into our talking stage i kissed my ex situation-ship and ever since have been dealing with the consequences. He forgave me and gave me another chance and i have shown him how much i care every day since. He is over it now since it was only in our talking stage. I have had thoughts with my ex name, thoughts i hate my boyfriend, always constantly thinking if im bored, if i love him. It switches day by day and impacts my life constantly. I don’t feel like myself at all. Some days i can’t do it. I just want to be happy and secure with him. my thought from the past few days is that i want to be single and hook up with other people. I don’t actually want to hook up with others but i feel so terrible and guilty. Does anyone else deal with this? Sometimes i can’t tell the difference between my real thoughts and the fake ones. I have been debating breaking up with my boyfriend because i feel like it’s best but i would be so sad. He is perfect and i see myself marrying him.
I feel like my Rocd has become more sophisticated. It’s made me feel as if my healthy loving boyfriend is this terrible person. Or I’ll be thinking to myself like “I love him”, and in middle thought I get “no you don’t”. It’s convinced me that our values and beliefs are just TOO different (we’ve only disagreed on one thing in our relationship, but we talk it out). It’s like my ocd is clinging on to every reason why I should break up, like I don’t want this anymore, even tho I do! It’s frustrating. And the idea of doing erp terrifies me. Because I’m afraid if I do erp statements, that I’ll agree with them. Can someone give insight
My husband and I don’t argue too often but every time we do I always get worried that we are going to split. The issues that we have are not always big but not only has he given me trust issues he also just doesn’t listen. We will go in circles with our disagreements because he just doesn’t see the point and this turns into me getting fed up and freaking out. No matter how mad he makes me it is so hard for me to turn it off and stop being mad when I think about losing him and this creates an anxious attachment. I have started to become detached from our arguments and caring less each time. I don’t know what to do or think and because of our disagreements I get anxiety and always think that he hates me even when he’s being affectionate This is the disagreement we had today that is causing my flare up: I am originally from CA and moved to AZ when I had my baby. My husband doesn’t like being in California and that’s fine but I have to go to California to go get the babies birth certificate because he was born there. I told him 2 weeks ago that I have an opportunity to go because my cousins wanted to come visit and bring me back with them and my mom was going to drive me back to AZ because I wouldn’t have a car. I asked my husband if he wanted to go and I voiced that I would like him to go because I didn’t want to be stuck taking care of the baby by myself because he is a lot of work. He said he would go but he wouldn’t enjoy it. I said he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to and insisted that he would go to help. Today my cousin asked me if we were going for sure and I asked my husband on the spot he was still sleeping. He got upset that I asked him that first thing when he woke up told me that he didn’t want to go and that he didn’t have a choice but to go. I told him if he didn’t have a choice I wouldn’t ask him. He said that if he didn’t go that I would be upset and therefore he doesn’t have a choice. I told him I would be upset and reassured him that I would go alone if he didn’t want to go. (Side note- I have trust issues because of something he did while I was pregnant and I don’t like to leave him alone but I would never say that out loud) We are going in circles at this point and I can’t help but have the ugly thoughts even tho this is our first argument in over a month. I don’t know what to do.
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