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Username: kthompson

Date posted: 1y ago

being perceived is painful

for me, i ruminate like crazy. all day, every day. 24/7 my mind is reflecting, worrying, criticizing. it’s to the point where when i meet someone new and introduce myself, i am immediately in my head thinking of all the reasons they hate me and why. i’ll literally convince myself i’m a loser or a horrible person and no one likes me. it’ll send myself into anxiety or depression spirals sometimes. but it’s literally. all. in. my. head. im recently diagnosed, and i feel like my lifelong anxiety makes so much sense now. but now i’m sooooo aware of intrusive thoughts or when my ocd is spiking. it’s exhausting.

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I too feel like this. The best treatment is ERP. You should make it a goal to expose yourself to meeting new people. If they hate you and don’t like you, don’t take it personally. Just know that you can’t control others’ opinion of you. I realized that the hard way after trying to date this girl I had a crush on. I asked her out and I was rejected. Same thing goes for platonic relationships. Also, a note: wanting everyone to think highly of you can be a very toxic trait, associated with narcissistic personality disorder. Not saying you have NPD, but if you let that need for validation/reassurance that you’re likable, it can come across in the wrong way.

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Josean … that you’re *like-able* get in your head, sorry for the typo.

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Josean Also, some people only naturally see the worst in others and tend to be very judgmental/cynical, like my brother. It doesn’t matter what you do, he’ll still find a reason to hate you.

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

I just want to add for clarity's sake here- that many people with OCD experience this people pleasing behavior and thinking- this is also related to anxiety and can be to trauma and so many other factors. Many people have these traits who do not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I just think its important to add this, as I know many people who have OCD will latch onto that and think, oh no, does that mean I have that too? Many people with OCD tend to replay, review, and ruminate on social interactions. This is often done in a compulsive manner, to ensure that they have not inadvertently offended someone or embarrassed themselves. Another key component of OCD is the mistrust one has of themselves and who one is at their core. This is why people with OCD tend to engage in “people pleasing”: they may value other people’s opinions above their own, and trust other people’s opinions more. This is often a doubt that lies at the center of OCD, regardless of the theme.https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/people-pleasing-patterns-in-ocd

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@NOCD Therapist - Stacy Q. I agree, it’s just that it’s really discouraging when people already label you as narcissistic just because you have some of the traits. I’ve even gotten the no contact treatment from friends and some family members, just because I value other’s opinion above my own and am just riddled with insecurities. In their mind, there’s nothing I can do to change since folks with NPD don’t change ever.

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

@Josean - I am so sorry that is your experience. Can you educatethem on OCD and people pleasing?

Username: GermanCowboyGermanCowboy

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@NOCD Therapist - Stacy Q. So they know I have OCD. But that doesn’t make things better. If anything, it makes it worse as according to them, I’ve had therapy, counseling, meds, but I’m still a piece of shit according to them.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

You can't read their minds, so you know that this is your OCD inner person fooling you. Either do the opposite, or accept the fact that the person may either like you or hate you, but you don't know which one, and sit with the uncertainty until the discomfort fizzles away naturally. Then you will realize that it is ok and you can meet new people and you can deal with the uncertainty of them possibly hating you, or even liking you. It takes time to prove it to yourself and to finally win over your OCD inner person. You can also approach this with logic and facts. Do you really factually know that they hate you? If you don't know that they hate you as a fact, then don't believe your OCD inner person. Don't fight it either, just move on to something more worth your time.

Username: hellopeoplehellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

I bet you are exhausted! I hope you find helpful skills at NOCD! I have delt with a lot of social anxiety myself and it’s painful. We can practice ERP with social situations as well, after a conversation, practice not thinking about what was said, just let it be, don’t pick it up and examine it so to speak. Examining it could be a compulsion! Maybe they do hate you, maybe they don’t and you’re overthinking! Sitting with the uncertainty feels horrible, but it will free you from the OCD cycle!!!

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

It is so exhausting. I am so glad that you have a diagnosis and can begin the recovery process. Please know that it is possible to live a life that can be, at times symptom-free. It can be so manageable. Keep pushing forward, you can do this. You can get to a place where you are living the life you value.💛

Username: seagull2seagull2

Date posted: 1y ago

I have this issue. I worry about if people knew all about me they'd hate me. While this brings up depressing feelings and anxiety, there's no way for me to know their opinion on the matter, and I just have to sit with that uncertainty and interact with people and the world regardless. If you've confided in anyone and they reciprocated support, I'd remember those things as what you do have at least. For me it's my best friend. I know he has always loved me despite me telling him my flaws.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

not THAT OCD related, but i’m so tired of looking in the mirror and picking apart the things that i feel are wrong with myself. after my first session with my therapist, she said i also have body dysmorphic disorder, which is commonly seen in people who have OCD. i’m not a person who cries easily, but this problem i have within myself almost brings me to tears often and eats at me every single day. i cant enjoy simple things without being fixated on how i look/my appearance while doing them. if i’m swimming in the pool, i’m thinking about how my face looks with my hair wet and get uncomfortable when i feel like someone is looking at me for too long. i feel uncomfortable in rooms with certain lighting. i adjust the angle or position my body is at while interacting with other people just because i’m concerned with how they’re seeing me. just a rant, feeling really defeated.

Username: obsessedsom

Date posted: 1y ago

Being perceived

I hate the idea that I have no control over how I am perceived. People make judgements based on their interactions with me, creating an idea of me in their head. They then have the power to share their perception of me with others which may influence how other people view me. This whole idea makes me so anxious and makes me not want to socialize. Is this ocd related?

Username: Briecee

Date posted: 37w ago

What's going on here?

What makes me feel the craziest, is that I feel like I know enough thanks to my having to research and Google everything..... like, I'm a sophomore in college... I am majoring in Psychology. Because the human mind (like mine) is so interesting. So like, I will talk to myself. Quietly with my thoughts AND even out loud. What trips me out is that I Swear that I have full therapy sessions with myself. I know my OCD is the cause of me having to keep questioning myself and trying to figure out why I'm this way and how to get better and what can I do to end this hell I live in inside my mind. I have made note of being able to provide myself with suggestions and advice and info on things to do that can help counter and deal with my OCD to where i can be more functional. It really pulls me into an intense standstill Because it's like I know the answer and I know what I need to do... but I have to always end it with how i must not care how insane and crazy I am because if I know what I can do to help manage and keep my OCD at ease, then why can't I? It pulls me into this spiral where I then question what I know. Or if I have some sort of split personality. I'm always checking and researching things that I already know, just so I can find reassurance. I will ask Alexa stupid questions I know the answer to, like "whats the definition of _____" when I know what the meaning is, but I want to make sure. I'm always feeling as if I could be wrong in everything I think I know.... I get stuck for hours replaying events and situations or something said or done and try to think of every possible reason why, or possible outcomes. I can not communicate effectively because I sound crazy to myself, how is the other person thinking I'm normal? I get lost and stuck for hours in my own head... "circling" as i call it, or what I recently read as a ping pong game. My best friend committed suicide in 2019, by "hanging" to where I became obsessed with suicide, learning all about hanging to where I know things like short-drop and either you suffer or just pass out. Not just that but then I want to know how she was in her last moments. (I would hope she just passed out... I hate knowing she was in any pain). This lead me to become obsessed with the spirit world and started doing spirit box sessions again because I want to talk to her. (Which has me confused between I know I might hear some things because I want to... but also feel that because of that, I need clear responses). I am just in constant battle with my own self. I'm always fighting my own self. I'm my own worst enemy... but my own friend and therapist and teacher and etc. This is really really difficult. And I hope I am not alone in this. I don't even know exactly what subtypes and themes i deal with because there's many, and because everything has to be exactly what it's supposed to be, that if one "trait" doesn't fall under that category, that there must be something I am missing. This is exhausting 😞

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being perceived is painful

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