- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Letting it out
I have a tendency to keep a lot of what I’m dealing with to myself because as all of you know, talking about ocd is at times extremely uncomfortable. I’ve been working towards loving myself more and giving myself breaks, just venting here but I’d like to just say that I think the worst way OCD has effected me is by it’s ability to truly make me feel as though I have no idea who I am or what I want. I want to be known as someone who is extremely kind and loving. Someone who is go with the flow and forgiving, slow to anger and quick to love. I feel as though ocd has taken that away from Me. I’ve never been so quick to lose my temper in my whole life than I am now, I can be so mean to my boyfriend and to myself and those around me. I have never been more irritable and angry than I am now. And I truly don’t know how to not be this way. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes, like genuinely crazy. It breaks my heart because my intentions are good but ocd is quick to tell me they are not. Quick to tell me I am a terrible person. And this is something for me that I will never understand; my ocd doesn’t straight up tell me “U ARE SUCHHH A BAD PERSON” no… it makes me feel like a bad person. Of course I have intrusive thought and images but the kicker that sometimes I don’t hear many people talk about is that it’s not that ocd is really saying to me like affirming these things about myself with words. A lot of the time it’s feeling, emotions, sensations. Something that just comes over me and I immediately know what it means. I feel this feeling = I’m a bad person This feeling= I’m lying This feeling = I want to be with another guy not my boyfriend And the lists goes on and on Now I have no idea of that is gonna make sense to anyone. But my point is that it’s not always words in your head but feelings that are immediately translated into something that’s just awful. And the feelings can last for so long. I will keep all of you struggling in my heart and pray that all of you are victory over ocd with a loving and beautiful transformation !