- Date posted
- 2y
scared that I might be developing schizophrenia and not have ocd
Hi guys I'm new to this but I thought I would tell you what I'm currently going through and just get some advice. Lately I have been feeling like I am going insane, I'm scared that I am going to start hearing voices so I'm paying extra attention to everything to make sure I heard it. I once sat in silence for 15 minutes to make sure I wasn't hearing anything. I feel as if I am so hyperaware of everything that is going around me and the sounds it make, like taps, kettles, washing machines and the wind. There was one day when it was really windy and my mind went "what if the wind was trying to tell you something" and I know that's ridiculous and it's not, but then I started thinking, this is what someone with schizophrenia would think and I started to question if I believed it too! Ultimately, the sound of the wind started to irritate me and I would play music just to drown it out or just try to ignore it (This also happened with the sound of water running). I'm also scared that I'm going to start seeing things, like I'd imagine it in my head and I know it's not there but my mind always goes 'what if it is there and what if this happens', so I always check just to make sure. I'm really scared that I might be going through psychosis or developing schizophrenia. I did a few online tests and it said I might be at risk and this just petrifies me. It's all I can think about, when I go outside for walks all I think it that I might be schizophrenic, or did I really see that? or did I really hear that? Sometimes I see things in the corner of my eye and I have to double check to make sure if it's there and it always ends up being nothing. Sometimes I feel paranoid, randomly I would think that someone is staring at me and I know they aren't but I always check just in case. While searching symptoms of psychosis and schizophrenia I feel as though I can relate to some of them and I get scared that I probably have it and doubting that it is OCD. I feel like this is effecting my way of life, I haven't had an appetite in weeks and always feel a tingling in my hands and legs, I just feel on edge. I feel like I'm zoning out, like everything seems a bit blurry as if I haven't been blinking. To avoiding thinking about this I would usually go sleep, listen to music or go on twitter, just anything to try and get away from my thoughts but lately it feels like I can't even enjoy these apps anymore. I have read some of the stories on the community and it does provide momentary relief, but before I fall asleep it's the last thing I think about and when I wake up its the first thing I think about. I am exhausted. Sorry if this is a long read, I just wanted to talk about it.