extremely depressed today

i feel incredibly hopeless today. i want to break down every second. i think of things that i usually did that made me happy but now i have no desire to engage with them. every second right now is just dread and despair and i am so tired of OCD and this theme specifically. i expose myself to some triggers, sit with them, and even when i don't combat them the world-ending feeling of it just causes me to feel hopeless and scared. i want my life back so bad, its so crazy how downhill things can go mentally after being perfectly normal just a week ago. i was fine for over 100 days, according to my post history. the only bright side is that i think this may have to do with PMDD or PMS as it is getting close to that time. either way it is torture. to anyone else feeling this way as well- i am so sorry and i hope we can pull through. i want to be able to look back at this moment in a few days and laugh at myself for being so pitiful.