Struggling with ocd episodes

Hi Yara1 - I feel 100% the same way. And even just reading your post makes me feel not alone. I hope you know that you aren't alone. I've been having OCD episodes for a while now which also trigger suicidal thoughts sometimes and just came back to the NOCD platform about a half hour ago to see if I should start up again. Do you have insurance? If you do, they usually cover the majority of the cost of the sessions. You should message someone in billing to see if they can help. But, please know that you aren't alone. Sometimes it feels like that for sure - but separating out your character from your OCD is important. Your OCD does not define you.

Yara you got this and You’re not alone 🙏 just try to remember they are just thoughts doesn’t mean they are real or have to mean anything. They the thoughts and intrusive thoughts will pass. I’m really sorry you’re hurting right now. Stay connected and just be honest with where you’re at. Don’t worry a bout what others are thinking. Here if you need to talk

Yara, dear. I will be able to talk to you tomorrow for as long as you need. Now I need to take care of some duties. But, I just want to let you know, that you are not alone. I as well can't afford the profesional help I need and can't talk to anybody open and honestly but to people here. So, congratulations, through all the hardship of your episodes in the last few days, you did find a way to fight back. You came here, you posted your message here. I will be thinking of you, sending you the strength and support until tomorrow. Hold on. Just, hold on. It will get better, you'll see. If it helps you, please describe your episodes, what you are actually thinking, feeling, doing. I will be waiting for your reply. YOU ARE NOT NOT NOT ALONE!!!!! BIG HUG AND ALL THE SUPPORT YOU NEED. TILL LATER

Yara, hello. How are you feeling today? You've been in my thoughts all day long. Since you guys come from the USA, I presume, and I come from Europe, it's sometimes hard for me to write to you when you are awake. Especially since I am trying to get rid of insomnia. Can you and Anonymous and ErinP please tell me what time it is now where you come from. Here it is 19:30h / 7:40h p. m. I am sending my best wishes and support to you, Yara1, to Anonymous and ErinP. I am thankful you came into my life. Thank you!!! Yara, see, I only got in touch with Anonymous and ErinP last week and already I feel blessed. I got more support from them than from any person I've known for years or my whole life. I do not feel all alone and lost in this world anymore. Welcome to the club,Yara 1. You are not alone. And you are strong, stronger than ocd, because ocd is alone and you have all of us to give you the strength, support and love. Have a beautiful, relaxed and worry free day/evening? 🤔😊. I know it is easier said than done, but to quote Pink, Try! 😁👋🎉👍😁💞

Yara, hello. It breaks my heart to hear you're still suffering. I know exactly how you feel. I've had days when I spent 12 hours in the bathroom, washing myself, clothes, shower cabin, again me,.... In the end I was so exhausted and my skin on my feet and hands was so wrinkled from water that I cried when I looked at myself. I was praying to God to take me. Well, the last episode like that was only a 5 months ago. I would rather die than go through it again. I have found some relief and strength through taking medication. I've been on Zoloft alternative for 5 months now. It has some weird side effects but at least I can breathe again and my brain's got quieter. I am not scared of my own shadow, so to say, every minute of every day anymore. It is still faaaaarrr from ok, but it is easier. I will tell you my weird ocd one of these days in more detail. Just a preview now. Maybe than you will feel sort of glad you have your type of ocd and not this absurd one like me. I am not even able to tell my therapist/psychiatrist about it. I am so ashamed. It is not permiscuous, or racist or sexual. I get scared of certain people and then it spreads to everybody they are in touch with, their things, the words thay said, the things they like,.... I can get so isolated that I can't even go on the Internet or a social media because there might be sth that would remind me of them and set off my ocd. From summer 2021 till July 2022 I was utterly unable to listen to music on the Internet, to search the Internet, or even to go out. Nuts. This is the killer ocd. I lost tons of clients when I owned my own little company because they somehow knew the person I was scared of at a time and I did my best not to see them, not to be in touch with them. I utterly refused to take their money for my services even though I really really needed it to survive. I couldn't offer my services to them. Even a text message or phone call from them would ruin my day. It meant cleaning, washing,....for hours and hours a day. I spent more time cleaning an trying to prevent to see all of them than doing my job. Terrible!!! Nightmare! Twilight Zone stuff. I literally washed money on occasions. Nor like crooks. I really washed it under water. So Yara, tell me, does your enemy look a little bit more normal to you now when I told you what nutcase my ocd is and into what nutcase it can turn me into? I would feel privileged if you could tell me a bit more detailed about your thoughts and fears and compulsions. I think, to finally talk about it, makes me feel more normal and ok with my feelings and troubles and more confident that Ocd will not win. Yara1, if it is not too personal, could you tell me if you are male or female? It makes no difference to me. I would jut like to know. I am a female. Noda are the first 2 letters of my name and surname together. Today you are feeling a bit better than yesterday. Good for you. Tomorrow you will feel even a bit more better. And then you'll soon feel fine again. When it gets tough, think of me, Anonymous,.. I will be thinking of you! And when you think of me, us, smile. Just smile. You've got friends who accept and understand and support you!!!!! Unless you chose to, you never need to feel lonely again. Hugs!!! 😻🧡😄

Yara1, hello. I understand. I felt the same way you do about talking about my ocd for +30years. And I still do with people who know me face to face. I only wish I had the courage to tell my husband. He knows I have ocd, but has no idea what it is all about. Throughout the years I've wished so much I would find someone whom I could tell it straight, the way it is. No sugarcoating. There's been noone. I decided to go to a psychiatrists just over 6 months ago. I wanted to get some of this suffocating anxiety out from inside of me. I've seen her about 7 times so far. She gave me the pills to lower the anxiety. She knows I have ocd. But that is all she knows. She never asked what kind of ocd I have, no details at all. She just assumed it was about germs and washing hands or counting,... When I told her it was emotional contamination ocd, she had never heard of it before. And since. She didn't find it intriguing enough to spend 10 minutes looking it up on the Internet. She prescribes pulls and does not care about anything else. When I asked her if she could teach me how to react when ocd strikes, or any other techniques, she sent me to a clinical psychologist. This one knows even less. She told me she works with kids. Only 1x a week she steps in for another therapist who is absent till September 23. That therapist, when she gets back to work, actually can work with me more effectively. So till september, I will just see my shrink and clinical psychologist 1x a month each and there will be no progress whatsoever. Neither of them will ever know what I go through with my ocd. We'll, I don't really have a reason to trust them enough and they just won't offer to listen. I came across NOCD by coincidence. I was trying to download an app from Google store. Among the apps I saw NOCD. I downloaded it. Just to see what it was all about. For a few days I just kept reading other people's posts. The more I read, the less lost and lonely I felt. This here is the first time in my life, with over 30 years tainted with ocd, that I revealed, wrote, told it the way it is. And it feels great. To finally let someone in on all the shame and anxiety, torture. I would not tell it to anyone else, but here, where noone actually knows me, but the vast majority understands me and goes through similar struggles and tortures as I do, I finally got the chance, that I had so long prayed for, to be the authentic me without being judged. Gosh. I am so thankful. Universe bless the people who came up with this app which I believe will save some lives. When I saw your first post, I got so scared for you that I needed to respond immediately. We've never seen each other, but I felt so worried and scared and sorry for you going through all that though and emotional mess, as If you were a part of my family. Are you by any chance suffering from the Pure O? Thank you a lot for offering to listen. Thank you! How are you feeling today? I took a half of a small dosage sleeping pill (non addictive) last night before going to sleep and today I can hardly keep my eyes open. Take care. 🌼

Yara, how are you doing? I am quite ok today. I hope it stays so. Has your ocd got weaker in these last few days? You are not thinking suicidal thoughts any more, right? I have just received quite a bad news, but I am amazed at myself, because I just don't care. It was about a job, I didn't get in. Well, that would normally get me down, but I have no idea why, today I just don't care Life can be surprisingly good sometimes. Thinking of you! 🤗🤗🤗🌞😊

Hi. Yeah, the more you try to avoid the thought/s worst it gets. I wasn't able to find a way to escape from thoughts until I started with Zoloft( Asentra). It gave me my sanity back. I am awake all the time, can't sleep, but at least the thoughts are way less agessive and common as 5 months ago. I wish I knew how to help you stop the thought. Try breathing exercises or doing sth you love and takes a lot of focus to do it. Like puzzle or a game or... It's almost 1am,and I think I am going to try to go ro bed now and hopefully fall asleep. With you in my thoughts. 🧡🤗

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