I had so many things I wanted to achieve as well but I was never able to do them and now with this problem even doing simple tasks it feels like it could be a problem, I don’t know what we have done to deserve this it’s so awful. Stop ruminating and trying to check to see if you had reactions, ocd wants you to constantly ‘check’ that’s how it stays on your mind and keeps you obsessed, the only way to feel normal and like yourself again is by not ruminating and trust me I know how hard it is, even now I’m trying to not ruminate and I feel better but at least once a day I have to imagine my intrusive thoughts on purpose to ‘check’ if it’s true and I feel okay most of the day and as soon as I do that I start feeling bad/uneasy. Remember that you didn’t always have this, that’s reason enough to know your not like what your thoughts are telling you and your not ‘becoming’ bad either, otherwise you wouldn’t be on this app writing about it or ruminating and worrying, people who actually do those things don’t worry about it, think of something that makes you ‘happy’ it’s easy to think about, you feel care free thinking about it, there isn’t an ounce of bad when thinking about something you actually like, like I don’t know, eating your favourite food, there are no ill feelings thinking about your favourite food, but with these intrusive thought that you are worried you like, although it feels convincing that you ‘like it’ or ‘might want to or do want to do that’ or it feels like an ‘urge’ the fact is, it’s not enjoyable to think about, you are under stress though it may not be apparent which is why you are writing about it for advice, you are bothered by it and worried, and ruminating is like your fighting with the thoughts going back and forth looking for reasons and answers to something not true, so there is no answers to look for. Something you truly liked you wouldn’t be fighting thinking about. I’m sorry this problem is so horrible, your not alone, this isn’t YOUR problem. This is a worldwide problem unfortunately, once you learn methods to deal with it, it will become easier, for me I don’t want to ‘maintain’ ocd and I don’t believe the crap about not being able to be ‘cured’ I’m not very religious but I’m willing to try if it means there is a chance I can be healed, I’m not expecting miracles but with this amount of suffering anything is worth a shot. I don’t know why we go through this but perhaps this is something we maybe have to learn from. Please don’t worry you are fine the way you are, try to rest from these thoughts you have tackled with them enough at some point the dodge ball against yourself has to end, try to stay positive and remember you are loved xxxx
