- Date posted
- 2y
eocd/dpdr/mental exhaustion
goodnight friends. if anyone relates out there please just let me know i’m not alone even for a moment. how can you just keep surviving? and going through the motions because you feel obligated to perform in society. i’m so incredibly freaking tired. i can’t take my meds because it makes me feel like i’m not strong enough on my own. i can barely function at work. i can’t even stop eating till i want to puke because it’s the only thing bringing me comfort that i can apply my senses to. i’m just shaking, can barely breathe and i can’t stop just feeling like i don’t even know. it feels like time is frozen in a way.. i’m so disconnected from reality, from people from my surroundings. my room looks like an abandoned hoarders house. i can’t bring myself to clean up. i’m so drained. what did i do to deserve feeling so insane? how is it possible that I have no idea where these feelings and delusions originated from but i have been feeling crazy since i was a toddler. I feel cursed. it sounds so stupid? there’s so many things that feel wrong that if i was a normal functioning human being it would be such a minuscule issue. why am i in so much distress and fatigue. I feel not exactly suicidal but just i can’t live in such an evil world it feels hopeless. Watching the news or seeing disgusting vile bigots on social media triggers the hell out of me. How am i supposed to live in a world where everyone let’s their hateful opinions get in the way of happiness. i’m so sensitive to negativity i feel it crushing my soul reading about all the hate outside of my room. i can’t stand it. i don’t feel at home i just want to go home.. and i don’t even know where that is. i can’t discern what’s going on at this point and i just wish i could have one last talk with people I care about and say goodbye and pass away in my sleep. I’m in so much pain emotionally and my habits and health are deteriorating my physical body inside and out. How can i calm down and just get through the day?