- Username
- Skai
- Date posted
- 1y ago
Suicidal OCD vs Suicidal Ideation
2 months ago I fell into existential OCD that left me questioning the meaning of life and if anything was or wasn't real. Became depressed from the thought and eventually through acceptance if never knowing the unknown, I was back to having better days. Well, one day I found myself ruminating about the existential OCD again and had the random thought "Do you think you can keep living like this"? The thought Terrified me. I had been through alot of pain and loss and things but through it all I had never questioned if I could continue living. Since then I've been confused and anxious and tired. I don't know if it's suicidal ideation or suicidal themed OCD. I avoid songs with the word suicide, I stopped watching horror movies and stopped enjoying other things like Ghost Pokémon because they made me think of death and kind of triggered anxiety in me. Sometimes the thoughts feel so real that I'm not sure if it's something I actually want to do or if it's OCD. I've turned to trying to find spirituality and religion to tell myself if I kill myself their may be consequences in an afterlife. Im constantly googling things like "How to make suicidal thoughts go away" and reassuring myself that I wouldn't do it. It still feels real sometimes and it's horrifying. Is there a difference between being genuinely suicidal and suicidal ocd themed?