Hello, I am on my 6th day of ERP and with self-harm OCD I noticed my OCD is trying to pull all the stops to pull me back into the void. The central theme is suicide and self-harm and it's even making me doubt that ERP isn't the way out and suicide is and if I am the one who is having ideation aside from OCD. These thoughts are so strong and causing me much distress—any advice?
I have dealt with this along with harm ocd. My OCD would tell me that it wasn’t worth doing certain certain things because I am going to die anyways.. like dieting, working harder at work, quitting things that are bad for me etc. I was scared to be alone. I have gotten so much better. It’s just an awful dark cloud that will lift. Stay around people who make you happy and that you can talk to. This is a very confusing OCD theme- same with harm OCD. I pray for your healing 🤍
@Anonymous515 How did you manage I am doing ERP and I almost on the other side but I feel like I’m stumbling sometimes.
@Anonymous515 wait you’re exactly me!! when you said your OCD would tell you certain things isn’t worth doing because you’ll die anyways I FELT. Sometimes when I catch myself laughing my OCD creeps in and then I feel ashamed and sad inside. It’s just a bully in our head that we can defeat, we just got to continue our ERP and stay strong 😊👍
@Anonymous515 I go through this too and thinking it’s my anxiety or depression but ocd def is one of the reasons I wish I was with my higher power in so many moments. I feel also means we care about ourselves enough we do not feel we deserve to be suffering.
I deal with self harm ocd. I would reach out to my counselor one on one. Do you have a counselor you can talk with one on one? I know it can be confusing sometimes when there is moments we question if this is ocd or is something else going on?! I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know this can happen with anxiety, depression, & ocd as I have gone through this too. Hope you have a supportive group of people around you! Helps to also be apart of something you enjoy if you can even enjoying a movie, going outside or doing something to distract those thoughts. Hugs
I too suffer with this every single day. I’m constantly thinking about suicide and it scares me. I’m terrified of it. I want to avoid anything that I could consider a “weapon” and I’ve almost just convinced myself that it’s possible that that’s how I’ll die. And it makes me feel like I want to die. But I don’t want to die. I want to feel better. It’s all such a confusing thing and it’s non stop.
@laykonicole It’s very confusing and it can debilitating. It becomes so meta and it can question your own values but I learned to practice mindfulness and don’t defend yourself it’s not worth repeating why your life matters millions of times a week just to stay in a cycle. Best keep walking.
@laykonicole me too. I avoid so much stuff and it just makes the thoughts appear more because i’m giving them power. my therapist has told me that us OCD havers feel this extreme amount of distress and anxiety because it’s the exact opposite of what we actually think. and that has helped a TON. I have different themes off and on and they have become much more manageable. The only time it’s more difficult to manage is when there outside world stressors that come in my life and my OCD is there being the bully it is and taking advantage that i’m already stressed. I attended a workshop here and the speakers said that stressors in your life can also increase your OCD thoughts. So whenever i’m stressed and the thoughts come charging in, i know it’s because of outside stress and not because I want to act on the thoughts more.
@potatolover Wow. Thank you for saying those things. I need to be reminded of the reasons why I am the way I am. And that I’m not a horrible human being. I’ve been struggling the last few days. I’m really on edge and irritable and I hate it because I take it out on my boyfriend. Outside stressors definitely make my ocd 10 times worse.
I used a lot of non engagement responses to my intrusive thoughts and sat with being uncomfortable. I also talked to my therapist very openly about everything I was feeling.
ugh same! ERP has me in tears because of how distressing it is. But I notice that I feel better after going through ERP. I unfortunately couldn’t see my therapist this week so OCD has been kicking my butt 🫠
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
I'm new to NOCD and have been dealing with harm/suicidal, and Pure OCD for some time now. It started off being healthy related anxiety that led to compulsion where I would research information on an uncommon illness or something I thought I had. Now it has snowballed into intrusive thoughts and images of me killing myself in various ways or my wife. The former is what has been the most debilitating and hardest to shake. Recently I seem to find triggers almost every where I look. "What if I killed myself this way" if I see a kitchen knife or a bottle of pills. A friend talked about going to a gun range a while back and an image popped up of me being there and turning a gun to myself which is something I dont want to do. I love life and its so painful to go through thoughts that try to tell me otherwise. That particular image/thought has really stuck with me. I know about ERP and my therapist said I could rip the bandaid off and go to a gun range but it terrifies me. I don't own any weapons but I often think, "what if I buy one and im actually suicidal?" Just typing it makes me anxious. I'm wanting to start a low dose of Prozac which opens up another can of worms about worried my "overdose thought" will come true, on top of potential side effects. This is long winded but im looking for any advice to get through this. I know others are worse off than me but considering I've never been like this and it only started 6 months ago, I'm really struggling. Thanks everyone.
About 2 months ago, I sliced my arm so deep in an attempt to make this all go away.. as there was blood spurting like everywhere my life flashed before my eyes and I could hear my parents laughing in the room beside me. I started screaming for help as my eyes flooded with tears. How could their little girl do that to herself?? I was able to get to the ER and have my arm stitched up.. making my attempt a fail. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to do something like that again. I’ve never seen my parents cry except for then. The fear in their eyes haunts me up to this day. But that’s the only thing that relieves my pain. Can someone help or relate to this ???
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
