hocd- please help

this is so exhausting. Growing up i was never really attracted to typically attractive men. I remember wondering why i didn’t care about magic mike or damon from vampire diaries, or other example like that (it sounds so stupid but those are just specific examples that used to bother me) Looking back, I don’t know how much it bothered me. and I don’t know whether it’s better if it bothered me a lot (meaning it must’ve been ocd all along) or if it only bothered me a little (meaning i was probably just in denial) I literally can’t get past it. Everytime i have a feeling of attraction to any man, even my boyfriend, i automatically think that it’s probably not real because growing up i think i was worried that i didn’t really like men. I know everyone has different attractions, but that’s not what stresses me out. What stresses me out is the fact that i did used to wonder why i wasn’t attracted to typically attractive shirtless men. If i’ve been wondering this all along how could it possibly be ocd. my brain seems so black and white, like if i did used to think and worry about that when i was younger, then i can’t possibly like boys now. I just don’t know what to do. Do i just not like boys? Or have all of the thoughts (even when i was younger) been ocd? Someone please help. I’m trying to not think about it but i can’t enjoy anything, I can’t relax and it’s so stressful. I feel like i’m lying to my boyfriend and i can’t handle it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Roses2021Roses2021

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi! I’ve been struggling with this theme since I was about 13 years old. I also am not immediately attracted to the “typical” shirtless guy. I think there’s a lot of people who feel that way but society tells us that’s what’s attractive. For me, my attraction to men is so much more than nudity and muscles lol. Some people need to get to know someone before the attraction is there. I know this topic has come up a bunch on here so I hope some others respond - not for reassurance, but so you feel less alone.

Username: hannahhannah

Date posted: 1y ago

@Roses2021 It just feels different for me because i don’t think it used to bother me as much. I used to be like hmmm why am i not attracted to shirtless guys- and I would be bothered and confused a little bit but it wasn’t the end of the world. So it’s not like i was struggling with soocd when i was younger, i just feel like i was really in denial. It sounds so stupid I just don’t know what to do

Username: Billy 1Billy 1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey, it’s sounds like your really struggling right now. OCD will latch on to anything that creates anxiety due to doubt as it’s a doubting disorder. It seems that your in constant flight mode right now where your ruminating around historic matters and all the “what ifs” has you in this state with you obsessing over matters…… ERP has taught me to sit with these “what if” thoughts, allow the anxiety to rise sit with it and not complete any compulsions/rumination’s and it will slowly decrease. It’s the compulsions and rumination’s that keep it alive and create the cycle of doom! The best saying my therapist has taught me as part of exposure is “maybe you are, maybe your not”……. Maybe your attracted to men and maybe your not. There’s nothing here for you to figure out my friend, the more you do the more your OCD will grow and take control. I’ve attached some useful links for you to have a read over as well as what ERP is and a free 15 minute consultation to explore therapy further. Know that OCD can be controlled and you can live a happy, healthy life again! Believe in yourself, your strong ! What is ERP https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-exposure-and-response-prevention-therapy 15 min consultation https://www.treatmyocd.com/calendar?src=homepage&_gl=1*dpgbx1*_gcl_aw*R0NMLjE2MzY2NTk5MTQuQ2p3S0NBaUFtN09NQmhBUUVpd0FydkdpM0QwaEhYczN1Q0ZabWhVRUF4RndaaDJoa3AxbTRnek9TRWQweUJ4U3pqeU1SRU9FNGVwZkFSb0NNY0VRQXZEX0J3RQ.. https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/fear-of-ruminating-ocd

Username: VGHVGH

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi, so sorry you’re struggling. It is important to understand that all of this time you are spending trying to “figure this out” is rumination, which is a compulsion and it’s making your OCD worse. It’s all about trying to gain certainty and the more you try to be certain, no matter what your OCD theme, the less certain you will become. Allow the feeling to be there, stop trying to figure it out. Have you reached out for therapy? NOCD offers a free 15 minute call. This video may also help https://youtu.be/VRAV79AXSZc. Take care!

Username: hannahhannah

Date posted: 1y ago

it feels different from normal ocd thoughts, because it’s something i’ve worried about since i was younger. And if it didn’t use to bother me that much when i was younger it’s probably just cuz i was in denial

Username: hlm2

Date posted: 2y ago

Hocd

So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: iamokay

Date posted: 1y ago

advice on hocd pls

so i’m straight, but one thing that’s always bothered me was i was never the type to look at a guy and automatically think dirty thoughts about them like some girls do i would think they’re good looking and move on. but lately i have been looking at guys and think ways i never have before because i don’t really care for sex but this time i actually think about it when i find someone attractive and it started to worry me because i was like i never thought that much sexually before so why am i now? and then i get thoughts in my head that say why are you worried aren’t you straight why are you worried to think sexual about guys? and it’s the anxiety about the fact that i actually think dirty thoughts when i see a cute guy and before i never would and then hocd coming in to play making me wonder that i shouldn’t be anxious if i was always straight but it’s not that i get anxious because i never thought that sexually before but ocd makes me think i’m worried about liking a guy but that’s not true sorry if it’s a bit confusing

Username: hannah

Date posted: 1y ago

struggling- Just need to talk

the past few days have been so hard. I keep thinking about all of the proof from the past that i’ve never really liked boys and i was just pretending to be attracted to them cuz that’s what i thought was right. it’s been so hard because i’ve been trying to hang out with my boyfriend but i’ve just felt so anxious and confused 24/7 an i don’t know what to do about it. and I know that since it’s making me anxious and i can’t stop thinking about it, it has to be ocd but that doesn’t mean that the thought can’t be true. every time i tell myself that attraction doesn’t have to be a certain way and i can just like whoever i want without having to figure out why or if it’s real or not, I think back about all the proof from growing up that i haven’t ever liked boys. I feel like i’m so stuck and i just don’t know what to do. When i was younger, I remember never liking the magic mike movies and wondering why i wasn’t attracted to them. I remember wondering why i wasn’t attracted to certain characters in shows when everyone else was. And I remember having to justify to myself why it’s okay that i wasn’t attracted to them. Looking back at that now, it seems like i’ve just always been in denial all along. I know i’ve always had ocd and those could’ve been ocd thoughts then too, but they didn’t bother me a lot then so i feel like it was just denial. Also, i feel like all of my favorite male celebrities that I thought i was so attracted to, I’m not actually attracted to. I don’t feel attracted to them when they are shirtless, and I know i’ve always felt that way. So it feels like Im only attracted to their personalities. I know people are attracted to different things and personalities might just be what i am attracted to, But if I am attracted to a guys personality, I should’ve feel unattracted to them shirtless. I know i don’t have to feel more attracted to them shirtless, but i feel like the second they are shirtless Im not attracted to them at all. I know Im thinking too much into this and it’s just causing me to be so confused, but I just don’t know what to do. I also feel like i’ve always felt attraction towards masculine women. I don’t know if this is true or maybe I just always knew they were different from me and it wasn’t actually an attraction feeling. But I don’t care if i like women, and honestly i think I probably do, but what scares me is that i’m worried I don’t really like men. I’ve always obsessed over boy bands and certain characters in shows, and i feel like that could’ve just been me trying to convince myself i was attracted to men the whole time, even if i really wasn’t. I just need help. Does anyone else relate tho this or am i just crazy lol? And the overall feeling definitely feels the same as i’ve felt with other ocd themes, so i know ocd is involved, but I still think that there is actual proof from the past that i am just ignoring

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

hocd- please help

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community