Does anyone else feel like OCD is asking you to ruin your life and make decisions/things that you don't want to do because it's "what I secretly want"? It feels hard to even know what's real anymore.
Kind of like "if you do this x thing you don't want to do, then you'll feel better"
Oh yeah definitely… My ocd was telling me "break up with your bf now because you’re gonna marry a woman even if you don’t want cause you know you’re secretly a lesbian" 🥲🥲 I almost did it, like honestly I was ready to go on a date with a random girl even if it make me unhappy (like I was depressed by the idea of it) but just so my ocd can shut and because it almost convince me I was. It’s like If I "discovered the truth" but the idea of me with a woman make me so miserable like I don’t want to but you know OCD is like "it’s because you’re in denial you gonna love it" 💀
@LolaG My OCD is telling me to break up with my girlfriend whom I love very, very much and feel like at home with for similar reasons. It sucks. Also the denial thing, YES. It's so convincing it feels unreal. I've always been proud and confident with my orientation but this condition made me doubt it and it's making me SICK. "You don't know before you try being with a man, you won't be fulfilled!" Like shut the fuck up bro.
@12354462 Yeah definitely I feel you, my brain screaming that I would be happier with a woman even if the idea of being with a woman made so unhappy like
Yep. It’s super annoying but trust me if you act on the thought it’s not gonna be nice it doesn’t make you feel better … I know from experience with my relationship ocd, in the past I got in my head about leaving someone I liked or loved cause I’m always doubting it, and ended up just regretting my action and being super mad at myself and missing the person I just left even though my ocd thoughts said this or that during the relationship. So that’s how I know it’s all just bullshit in my head .. as far the sexual orientation I know I’m not sexually attracted to the same sex but that shit is annoying when you know you don’t really like it or have any interest in it but you still think and think and think and think maybe I am maybe I’m not or what if I am or what if that ..
@Iamtheonewhooverthinks I know. In the past, I've given up to the compulsions that would momentarily offer relief. I'd be miserable without my partner. I love her so much. Also it's weird because I know I love her, so much, but the anxiety and constant non-stop ruminating makes me go "but what if...?" Like it's insane.
Everything feels so real. I think learning about non-offending pedophiles has really screwed with me. I feel like I’m not even doing compulsions anymore like I genuinely cannot remember if I do them or not and the groinal responses are messing with me. I keep having intrusive dreams and I’m in that half asleep state and I feel nothing after that or I feel weird like a good weird, I don’t know. It’s a really weird feeling when I get those thoughts but I don’t like them, I don’t think. All I know is, I keep seeking reassurance and I feel like I don’t have OCD because the way I feel, like the way I get worked up isn’t the same as others. Whenever I try to watch a show, like 9-1-1 or daily dose of sunshine, I feel like I’m watching something I shouldn’t be. Or if I’m just on my phone, I feel like something is going to happen. I feel red flags whenever I’m on my phone, like somehow cp will appear. I know that OCD is the doubting disorder but my god, this is just crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy. Everything is just nonstop, it’s so constant and I’m genuinely scared that I’ll do something when I get out of my room. I don’t know anymore, this whole OCD thing is just making me lose my mind.
Is this ocd? I Have a thought or think something f harmful that I’ve gotten intrusive thoughts about - and get a feeling like I want/like it or it would give me relief??? Please tell me that will eventually go away and I’ll get my real feelings back??? Or have I just turned into those things? Sometimes things that make me upset it even feels like I’ll do them just so I can be upset about them.
Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.
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