I’m in such a depressed mood right now. I finally got two days off after being full time work and full time student and now that the semester is over I can have days off and I literally have laid around and slept because I’m really depressed. My mind won’t shut up about my fears and it’s scary. So I just lay around. I want to do things but I don’t because my motivation is shot down by anxiety and fear. I feel hopeless 💔
I take 2.5 mg of olanzepine to sleep at night which quiets my mind and my ptsd. It can make it tough to get up but that small amount of I move and shower I’m shake it off quickly. Also I listen to either an app called “PORTAL” for rainforest sounds OR I listen on AUDIBLE to “BEDTIME STORIES FOR ADULTS VOLUME 3”. This always knocks me out. With this successful sleep I find the first leg. I follow it with very healthy food and few indulgences. Also as odd as it sounds I drink 8, 8 ounce glasses of water a day everyday and almost everyday I drink a full lemon squeezed into them, which has a major effect on my kidney and liver and skin and MOOD. It’s noticeable. Combined the three things give me a little 10-15% minimum but often more foundation for being more active and happy with my life.
@love01 There are many things I’ve incorporated into my regime and some motivations are simple, like walking outside with my own music and being in nature near a reservoir, others are to doodle or sketch or read… it doesn’t have to be big but I’ll just do it in my car or in a field or near a tree even if it’s fifteen minutes. Further and not sure if it’s inappropriate but intimacy can be a motivator, hand holding, a romantic walk or clever talk with someone I find attractive or admire or a kiss even.. it is somehow a motivator too and even gets me to get myself together and look nice
@love01 Thank you so much for the advice. What makes me so depressed is the past and I can’t change it. Things I didn’t know as a teenager I now know and I wish I wasn’t so stupid. I have a hard time forgiving myself even though I never had bad intentions but unfortunately the ocd doesn’t let it down. I am in constant fear everyday of real events ocd so it makes it extremely difficult to do things for myself that will benefit me and my future when I am in a self loathing depressed state. I really do appreciate the advice though and hopefully in the future I can do these things but I don’t know right now
@Mikeneko 🧡 I’m sorry to get into all that it’s just an insight on why I’m depressed
@Mikeneko 🧡 i know the pain of real event ocd it’s soooo painful. it’s not even just intrusive thoughts it’s the feelings of pain guilt and fear that comes along with it. so sorry you’re going through this. 😞
@Anonymous Guilt eats away at my heart and mind every single day and it’s excruciating. The pain is sometimes so overwhelming I feel like I will never make it through. It’s the worst feeling that I’ve experienced personally and I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate it with a passion. I would literally do everything over again knowing what I know now compared to what I did back then. I would change everything
@Mikeneko 🧡 the guilt that comes with ocd isn’t talked about often and it’s something i experience everyday too and it’s hard because i feel like ERP and treatment doesn’t really help with that aspect :( but it’s still intrusive so treat it as such! it’s just your ocd making you feel this way :(
@Anonymous I hope so because it feels incredibly real and I also feel like erp just doesn’t help with guilt. It’s always there in the back of my mind
@Mikeneko 🧡 yes, and then i get hyperawareness of the guilt feeling and keep checking if i feel guilt over it :( it’s just never ending
@Anonymous It really is never ending. I hope you feel better soon. I’m here if you need anything just chat here
@Mikeneko 🧡 appreciate that, thank you. i’m here as well! not gonna reassure you but try to take it easy on yourself
@Anonymous Same here you too
i am so sorry. 😞 i totally get how you feel
@Anonymous I’m so sorry you feel this way too. I would never wish it on anyone. I hope you feel better and know that you are never alone in how you feel 🥹
@Mikeneko 🧡 it’s the worst feeling. thank you. wish i could take your pain away! 🥺
@Anonymous I wish I could take your pain away too. I really hope you feel better very soon! 🥺
@Mikeneko 🧡 i hope you do as well, and you will! nothing is forever you will get out of this dark place
@Anonymous You too friend
im there rn too, too much rumination and analysing, i cant escape it. hoping we find peace
@lbb. The ruminating is terrible. I hate it so much. I hope we find peace too
I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.
I know that hope will come when I find the right treatment, but I’m just feeling so down and frustrated right now. I can’t keep living like this and I’m worried I’m going to lose all the people I care about if I keep constantly asking for reassurance. Academics has always been so important to me and I’m probably going to fail my law school midterm tomorrow from how little I’ve studied due to obsessing and ruminating all day instead of studying. I’m truly so sad.
I usually would say I’ve never been depressed , but recently in my life since my anxiety/ocd has been so bad and having relationship problems I’m feeling kinda sad / stressed. I keep getting scared of being depressed I keep having intrusive thoughts of “ you’d would be better off if you weren’t living” “ I don’t wanna live if it’s like this” and it’s just scaring me 😞
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