Realization

I've wanted to stop for a long time but I just couldn't. I'm still trying to stop for good. I just can't forgive myself for what happened to me and what actions I took when it all happened and still continued to happen. I've checked the brain buddy app but didn't check any further with it because it involved money.

@BigGip09 I think it’s $37 a year or something like that. Worth it. With this kind of addiction community can help you a lot. Specialized addiction therapy also. It sucks man. I wish porn didn’t exist or at least wasn’t accessible for minors at all. I get it. You can recover fully and learn the things you need to learn in terms of forgiving yourself and repairing your self image. Don’t lose hope and give in to shame. Hope facilitates recovery.

@HipHopAnonymous🦛 I personally think it shouldn't be a thing either. If it's going to exist, it needs to have much more security than it actually does. It's infuriating to think about. I try to tell myself that I was young and pretty vulnerable with all the stress I was going through at the time but it's hard, especially with OCD flying around like this. 37 a year isn't too bad and it is leaning towards something that can help me. I don't have anything to lose there. I have a support group on another app and they help. It really helps telling them about how I feel and vice versa

Something I noticed is that at 15 years old I knew this wasn't right. As a teenager I even realized that this was a problem and I didn't want it, yet I couldn't escape it just like I'm having trouble with now. It really has messed me up and things were a lot better beforehand. I guess this was more traumatizing than I could have ever imagined. It's disgusting. It makes me feel really defeated and I don't know how to not feel that way.

@BigGip09 my dad recently joined alcoholics anonymous. I didn’t even know he had a drinking problem. He battled major depression for years growing up, and said he never knew if he experienced happiness in the same way as others. Since joining, for the first time his life, he says he feels like his mind is at ease and that he’s found his people. I’ve always had an aversion to joining a group like that. But I’m beginning to think my porn use could be a problem, and I’m considering looking for an equivalent group for porn. Maybe something to consider?

@FearAndLoathing I'm very happy to hear that your father got healing through his addiction. If you ask me, addiction is some of the worst things human beings can go through. It's essentially someone being controlled by an outside annoyance that they feel like they need and it's awful. I have joined a group on another app called I Am Sober. It's something I've been sticking with for years now. It's hard to take things to the next level because my family is unaware of these things.

@BigGip09 Hey man, I've been seeing a lot of your posts and like the person above is saying support groups and even an individual sponsor can help a great deal in recovery. I was going through similar things and through a similar timeline as you, wo if you want to find a way to get together and talk off this app I'm happy to do that. And if not, that's totally okay as well, but please take care of yourself and introduce as much compassion as possible. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth and take it one day at a time.

I'm going through quite honestly the exact same thing. But one thing is for certain, is that doing this alone is very, very difficult, and while it doesn't happen overnight the only way to get through this is to learn to forgive yourself. It will take time and it won't be easy, but you deserve to get better, just like anyone. Like I said, if you're looking support and a sponsor I'm happy to be there for you, and I believe one day you'll get better.

@bowler5781 I honestly don't think I can forgive myself without the help of a therapist, which I don't even think I deserve because of my past actions. I'm really really trying to tell myself that I'm not who I was in the past which was years and years ago but I just can't help but get depressed and sad that this all happened anyway. How does a sponsor work? What does that mean in this case?

@BigGip09 A sponsor is a person who usually has been through the same addiction as you, and is there to help support you in your journey of recovery. They often take on the role of an accountability partner, checking in routinely and offering support while you try to quit. It also helps build a network for support where you can talk about your emotions and stressor with someone who may have or is currently experiencing similar things. It's not unique to porn addiction and is typically a part of most recover programs, but just starting out and having someone there who knows what you're going through is often a big help.

@bowler5781 Oh that's what you meant. Accessibility partners can help out and it's better than just doing it all alone. I appreciate you wanting to help out. Right more I'm concerned with telling my parents about therapy