Very triggered right now

I’m scared to death because I struggle really bad with real event ocd and the fear behind if it means anything or whatever but two of my co workers were talking about something very triggering about a show they watch and I’m not dealing with it well. I don’t know if it’s the ocd latching onto it but I don’t do well when dealing with my past and I pray to God it’s not what the ocd is making it out to be. I never had bad intentions in my entire life. I just know when I was a teenager (I’m 24 now the real event was probably around the ages 15-17ish I don’t remember exactly) and I didn’t know back then what I know now. It wasn’t until I was about 20-21 when I remembered it as I developed ocd and I’ve been dealing with it ever since. I’m terrified. I don’t want to be a bad person. I just wish when I was younger I wasn’t so stupid. I would change everything in a heartbeat knowing now what I didn’t know back then. I have talked to people including my parents a few years ago and the two therapists I’ve had and they said that I was being too hard on myself and to let it go and I can’t. It scares me to death 💔

Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 2y

We are on the same boat, I’m 21 my OCD started 4 months ago and it’s been helll. I’ve been having a hard time lately, I’m scared every second and having intrusive thoughts, and obsessions about my thoughts that even if I’m doing something to distract my self I still feel like my brain is telling me that I’m a bad person, when I tell you every second of the day it’s every second and i don’t how long I will be able to live like this😓

Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 2y

@Ocdsucks56 Im in therapy so …. I don’t want do you anymore to help my self

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

@Ocdsucks56 I completely understand. I’ve dealt with and still do deal with intrusive thoughts. What I’ve learned in therapy is it’s always going to be in the back of your mind but you can’t react to it otherwise it fuels it to keep going. You have to acknowledge that the thought is there and tell yourself “ok thought I hear you and I know you’re there but I’m going to continue on with my day and do what I need to do”. I’ve been told to just think of it as an old man yelling at you in your ear as you walk by his house. You know he’s there and he’s yelling but you can continue walking by and do what you need to do. I promise you are not alone. I’ve dealt with it for 4 years now and I agree it’s absolutely hell. But you can get through it. I know it’s hard some days more than others but be patient with yourself and use the erp resources and tools the therapist gives because although it may not seem like it at first that it’s helping, over time it will help you understand there’s nothing to be afraid of and thoughts are just thoughts. I believe in you!

HipHopAnonym...

Date posted: 2y

I’ve had my parents and others tell me similar things. “That was a long time ago, you were a kid, forgive yourself, everyone else has moved on, etc.” I appreciate where they’re coming from, but that does not help. Logical understanding is not the problem. The problem (in my opinion) is never developing a sense of self that was unrelated to the event before or since. So now your entire identity is clouded and feels under attack by this thing. And it’s not just the guilt and shame of what you did, it’s the shame of who you now believe you are (that you don’t want to be and doesn’t resonate with your core values) because of what you did. I am no therapist and I am in a similar situation working with people on it. But I believe the self concept needs an overhaul. Don’t give up hope. Hope facilitates change.

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

@HipHopAnonymous🦛 It definitely makes sense. I absolutely loath myself. I know I can’t change it but it’s the context of what the ocd is yelling in my brain 24/7 is what’s making it so difficult to deal with because I don’t know if it’s as bad as the ocd is making it out to be or if I should actually be worried. All I know is I didn’t know any better back then and I should of. Thank you though. I appreciate it.

HipHopAnonym...

Date posted: 2y

@Mikeneko 🧡 When we know better, we do better. If we know better, but don’t do better, it’s because we don’t know that we ARE better than that action. Get to know that about yourself. Get to know your true self. Here’s a hint; based on what you’ve said here, your true self does not think what you did was ok and does not want to do it again. Your true self knows it’s values and chooses better.

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

@HipHopAnonymous🦛 I guess I see what you are saying. But for sure I know I would never do it again. Never. I have always had good values. That’s why I feel so stupid for not knowing then. I also didn’t develop ocd until I was about 21ish. It wasn’t until then I realized that it was wrong. Anyways I’m just repeating myself now. Thank you for your advice and help. Maybe one day I can get passed this I don’t know

HipHopAnonym...

Date posted: 2y

@Mikeneko 🧡 You absolutely can get healthy. Good luck 🙏🏽

Magzzz

Date posted: 2y

@HipHopAnonymous🦛 Ok? Thanks you as well!

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

Please help...

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

I feel like a terrible person (part 2)

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... these real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

I feel like a terrible person...

What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... these real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...

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