New obsession..

I'm struggling really hard with relationship obsessions. Do I really love my partner? How can I know? Am I really just faking it? That kind of thing. It's making my life and relationship a lot harder than they need to be. I could use a few helpful coping mechanisms, trying to move away from less helpful ones like chasing reassurance.

I have had multiple experiences where I was too clingy or literally cried when someone i have known for 3 days stops talking to me. I have fixated on the idea that I am never going to be in a happy relationship so anytime someone is nice to me I hold my breath hoping we will fall in love and get married, even if don't know eachother. I find myself over looking qualities that I usually would not like and constantly seeking their validation.

does anyone else with this theme hate to be alone?? i deadass get panic attacks when i’m left alone and i sit and watch the time until whoever is coming back because im so scared. i get scared that when im alone im going to lose control and act on my thoughts. my mind goes “oh your alone now nobody would know” or “your alone so you won’t feel guilt”. i hate this so much and as much as i try to deal with it i feel it never gets better. it doesn’t help that i have agoraphobia now either. i need tips!